I am a student at university and I’ve had some very good friends in the past, but with some of them I lost touch because I changed school and with others I do not have anything in common anymore. I have recently moved to another city (for the 3rd time, because of university and my personal travel passion) and started school 1 year ago. I have made exactly 1 friend by now, and without me he would otherwise be the lonely guy because he is very shy and introverted (I am an introvert too, which is probably why we connected easily). To be honest, I would be the lonely girl without him as well.
Anyway, we do not have very much in common other than school – I like arts, design, fashion, traveling, different cultures, etc.. and he is more the guy who loves to stay at home and do nothing all day. So it’s not a friendship based on shared interests but more because nobody better was available for each of us.
Now that one year has passed, I am slowly getting bored by him. Not of what he talks about (well, that also), but rather of him as a person. His life seems so boring to me, sitting at home all day and being sad about his “loser” lifestyle (which we often talk about and he also calls it that himself). The problem, however, is not him. It’s me. I get bored of people so very quickly. I have the feeling everyone else is really stupid and I can relate to no-one because they all don’t know shit. Without wanting to brag or anything – I am very intelligent (my IQ is 157) and to me everything that other people say or do seems useless and boring and uninteresting and uninspired. All the other people are lazy and unmotivated, while I am doing everything I can to become smarter and better etc.. But I feel terribly lonely in this world of intelligence and sophistication. Nobody around me seems to really get me when I talk, except for older people, and they are in most cases not interested in a real friendship with a 24 year old.I meet many people and get to know them and after max. 6 months – 1 year I get bored and “quit” the relationship. But that’s not right. What can I do? (From Germany)
You need to be finding like-minded people while you are developing your skills. Highly intelligent students often need to be with people who can challenge them. Your friend doesn’t do that — and you’ve been with him a year so you do have the capacity to hang in there. That isn’t getting bored “very quickly.” My point is that you will be motivated once you find a relationship that helps to balance and add to your life.
I’d recommend finding a groups on campus that are doing something interesting and engaging. Talk to them and join one or two that pulls your interest. You are looking for something that activates your passion.
I’d also look into group therapy on campus. Many universities have counseling programs and if they have a group that would be good. The socialization skills and feedback from the group can be very helpful.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
