From the U.K.: Hi I’ve been at university now for nearly two years and since I’ve joined I realised I became very distrusting with the people who I’ve become close to with no faults of theirs.
I have realised that smoking marijuana has enhanced this feeling of not trusting people and has also created a Constant feeling of paranoia. The paranoia is not related to life or death however it’s more to do with people not telling me the truth or lying to me and that everyone is secretly laughing behind my back.
I have a girlfriend and I constantly have these feelings of paranoia that she may be cheating on me or using me in some way or even lying to me. I’m constantly checking her phone but every time it’s clean. (obviously) My girl has said she has noticed I have severe mood swings where I will not want to speak to anyone and when I do the response is very blunt and often loud and with the use of foul language. (These can last for hours). I have told her about my paranoias. I also feel like I’m being used.
It is really affecting my relationship and I’m worried I may require psychological remedies to help me. There was a time in the past where I was a frequent cocaine user but was never addicted. I just fear that these drugs have resulted in a chronic change worried that this will not be reversed. I have crazy vivid dreams which seem like reality where people are constantly dying (the latest one is of someone raping my partner in front of me)
When alone, I’m constantly having paranoid thoughts and feelings of extremely low moods but I’ve never been suicidal. I keep thinking about things in the past which have occurred to me which might have resulted in this and apart from the drug “abuse”
I also would have to say the major event I am currently thinking about was when I was sexually abused as a child. I have managed to block it out for more than a decade but the thoughts are becoming more and more prevalent now.
I’m scared my feelings of paranoia and severe mood swings will result in a irreversible mental illness or one which I won’t be able to control. What do I do?
Thank you for writing. You’ve suffered long enough. I think maybe you have used marijuana and cocaine to “self-medicate” away the long term results of trauma as a child. As you have found, drugs are not helpful. Drugs only mask the real issues. What you call “paranoia” may be a crude way that you are protecting yourself from being hurt again.
I think it’s time to deal with the roots of your problems. Make an appointment with a licensed mental health counselor for an evaluation and recommendations. Please don’t be afraid. Therapists know how to keep you feeling safe while dealing with a difficult past. Therapy can help you develop new and helpful tools for coping with your feelings and for managing difficulties in life. You owe it to yourself to deal directly with what is wrong. Good therapeutic work now will free you to have the life and relationships you deserve.
I wish you well.