My therapist and I had been working with different parts/alters of my system (D.I.D. diagnosis) when 1 of them decided that therapy wasn’t allowed anymore. That was almost 2 years ago! Thankfully my therapist has been amazing and will still speak to me in crisis (unless she gets hung up on by “someone”) and/or email/text with me when needed (if not deleted). We’ve set appointments and those either get cancelled or just don’t show up.
This part writes in our Notebook/Communication book such awful things. To me directly, about my friends as well as my therapist. Through our years of working together my therapist and I have had such major success in working with other parts… up until this specific one decided that it was going to be her way or the highway. My therapist has had an abundance of conversations with this part and basically she is one of the original protectors. From what we gather she was hurt the most and bought in to the rhetoric of my abuser. It makes sense as to who she is, what she stands for and why; however, those old coping mechanisms aren’t applicable to my life today. What worked then to survive isn’t needed now. She refuses to see that or to even consider it. Her reasoning for blocking therapy and treatment is because “it’s not honoring him” and “one day will see the truth of the light that shines so bright.”
I’ve done several voluntary inpatient treatment programs but even those get cut short. “Someone” decides we’re not doing it anymore and checks out.
My life is stuck where it is and there is SO much more work to be done… with my system as well as my own personal struggles. The hope was that something/someone would eventually shift (at least just enough) and I would be able to go back to treatment. That was almost 2 years ago at this point!
Any thoughts or input you could offer would be of the greatest appreciation. I feel very stuck and like things won’t change. (From the USA)
I can imagine how difficult it feels to be at war with yourself in getting treatment for D.I.D. The “Someone” sounds hypervigilant as the protector and needs to be validated. Your therapist sounds wonderful and it might be useful to discuss considering inviting “Someone” in to express his view directly — to be honored by having a voice in the process. This may help create a therapeutic double bind for “Someone.” By honoring him and inviting him to have a voice he would get to speak up — which is likely to be part of the correction he is seeking, and in doing so engage with the process.
My thoughts on this are just suggestions, as there are many factors that may make this approach unfeasible that I wouldn’t know of. You and your therapist can discuss the merits and see if you can broker a meeting with “someone” to help with the integration you are looking for.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
