From a 13 Year old girl in the U.S.: For a long time now, I’ve have doubts about my feelings and mental state. Sometimes I feel like nobody can relate to my issues. My mother and I believe I have Anxiety Disorder. The Anxiety makes tiny tasks like speaking to a new person, getting seconds for lunch at school and even serving cake to my own family at my own birthday hard and scary.
I’ve believed for about 2 1/2 years now that the only thing I know how to feel or interpret is Fear and Anger. I know how to get mad, and I have trouble controlling anger, and obviously I know Fear as well. Other emotions like Happiness, Sadness and Love even seem as if they don’t exist in me. Countless times I’ve thought I felt happy, or truly depressed, and recently I believed twice that I loved somebody. Both times when I thought I loved, It faded and I can no longer care about them when I talk with them.
When I think I feel depressed, it seems to turn out as anger, because I never cry. It’s very difficult to move me. I don’t believe I’ve felt happiness since a long time if I ever have. I find it hard to smile when I talk with somebody, due to this I’ve become too skilled in faking emotions, and I believe it’s only part of the reason I confuse real with fake. In the end I always come to a conclusion that my mind is only trying to substitute these missing things from my head.
Recently I’ve felt like It’s getting harder to Talk to people at all. My mother is always supporting me and trying to help me, but I feel like she wouldn’t ever look at me the same if I told her that when I smile I’m just faking it, and that when I laugh at her jokes I never actually find it funny.
Even though my dad is not around, I prefer that he not be because he drinks a lot and makes no attempt to see me or spend time with me, he never really has. I have been bullied from about 6-10, but nothing serious. It really concerns me, and I want to be able to talk to my friends and family with a sincere smile. Any help or guidance is appreciated.
Whenever I hear symptoms like yours, the first thing I suggest is a visit to your medical doctor. There are many physical problems that can cause anxiety and mood changes — especially at your age. If you are still seeing a pediatrician, you might want to request a referral to an endocrinologist. It’s important not to jump to the conclusion that the problem is mental before checking out the physical. If you do have a medical problem and it isn’t attended to, it could get worse.
If are physically fine, then it would be helpful for you to see a therapist. It may be that you do have anxiety or you may be depressed. Depression doesn’t always show up as sadness. It can also show up as anger and feelings of emptiness. You also may have some unresolved issues regarding your father’s alcoholism and absence.
A therapist will be able to assess the difficulty and will make recommendations for how to treat it. Since your mother is doing her best to be supportive, it would be helpful if you included her in the appointment. With some coaching, she may be able to provide you with more helpful support.
I remind you that going for an assessment doesn’t obligate you to getting into therapy. You may or may not want to proceed. But the assessment alone may give you and your mom some new perspectives on your distressing feelings and what can be done about them.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
