I am an alcoholic. I sought treatment in a residential treatment center in 2008. While in treatment my therapist and I entered into a personal and sexual relationship. This continued after my stay and she offered to move me into her home. After about 1 year she had employment issues and lost her job. I was able and strong enough to find a professional job that could support us, but it was out of state. She at this time proposed we marry and have a long distance marriage. The last 3 years we have been living back together and she has worked at 2 different hospitals. I have always had passing feelings that our marriage and entire life was all just a cover up for her actions to protect her reputation. She leads a completely different life and personality away from home. I also have had feelings of numerous extra marital affairs on her part but could never catch her. She is very manipulative and cunning. I finally caught her in an affair with a technician at her last hospital.
I do not want this to be revenge but I feel like the whole last 7 years of life has been a lie and fake just so she could keep her secrets. If I bring this to light to her current and former employers, and the state board of social work, will they take me seriously or just think I am bitter about the cheating. I now am thinking clearly and can recount many incidents of just how delusional she is and confused I was. At the least to me her behavior was unethical, unprofessional, and she should not be allowed to do it again without seeking help. She is again trying to manipulate me into thinking this was all my fault and we should just move on? I am clear enough to know that is not happening. I believe she has manipulated other patients, coworkers, and family members before and will do it again. No one should be subjected to what she did to me. I can verify all this obviously and the current affair can also be verified. Should I report her or just get on with my life?
It’s important to ask yourself this question: What is your motivation for wanting to report her? Is it revenge? I think that is a distinct possibility. You might be angry about her infidelity and abuse, and this is your way of paying her back.
She was just as unethical before you caught her cheating and before you married her, but now you want to report her. You didn’t turn her in before you caught her cheating, but now you want to. It was just as right to turn her in before you caught her being unfaithful as it is right now. Turning her in should have nothing to do with her infidelity. If you do turn her in, it should be for the good of the social work profession and not as a punishment for her infidelity.
You asked the question “should I report her or just get on with my life?” There is not an easy answer to your question. It is not that simple. This is a complicated matter involving your marriage, your life and your well-being. The most important question is your marriage. Should it be saved? Can it be saved? Counseling can help you greatly, to answer these questions. Congratulations on your sobriety and I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
