Hi, I’m 27 from Indonesia and moved to Malaysia since year 2000 with my mom and stepdad (Malaysian). All this while I’ve been very dependent on them due to my Visa problem, which is quite complicated. And they’ve been very worried and scared about my future if I can’t get a stable job here, cause seems like it is quite impossible for me to move back to Indonesia by myself. Due to that it is hard enough for me to get a permanent job here but currently I’m overcoming this problem and this is not the main issue.
The main problem is my parents opinion about my boyfriend, same age as myself. He is a China citizen and been staying here with his mom, owned a small business with 2nd Home visa valid for 10 years. They are okay with me dating him at first, and now we are together for 5 months.
Suddenly mom freaked out last month, and said that I have no future together with him. They said his background is uncertain and could be sent back to China if anything is wrong with his visa, and asked me to find a Malaysian guy instead, or rather have me to be on my own until I can find a better guy that can give benefit to me and my family. They pictured the worse case scenario if I’m married to him, I would be forced to go to China with him and worried that life will be as hard as theirs when they moved back to Malaysia and scared that I can’t cope with it. Mom also threatened me that they are going to deport me back if I don’t break it off with him.
My point is, I feel so happy with my boyfriend, and when he realized about this issue, he is willing to work even harder to earn more money just to make my parents happy. Why can’t I have both him and my career at the same time? Is marrying a Malaysian will guarantee 100% my future is secured?
I don’t know how to talk to my parents cause every time I tried all I get is argument, prejudice and said their judgement is always right. I want to tell them all I want is to be happy and I can bare my own risks but it is just so hard. Please help.
Thank you for your important question. I think the answer lies in the fact that at 27 it is time for you to take a stand with your parents — it is overdue. You and your boyfriend should explain to your parents together that you are going to be a couple and that the work here is to figure out how everyone can go forward. Be clear. They are welcome to their opinion — but that you are going to live your life.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
