I’m feel like there is something seriously wrong with my head and I just don’t know what it is? I’ve researched a lot of different mental disorders and I can relate to a lot of the symptoms of so many of them. When I was in 4th grade I was diagnosed with ADD and I’ve have had on and off depression, disordered eating habits, and anxiety since then but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 3 months ago. Lately I have been feeling very disconnected and can’t stop zoning out, when I’m not zoned out my vision is distorted. Everything looks like its shifting, breathing, certain things pop out a lot, and when I read text it waves and spirals into itself. Sometimes when I walk I feel the curve of the earth and everything to the side of me looks downhill. Kind of like tripping but not. I did do LSD twice about 5 months ago but I’ve only been experiencing these symptoms for 2 or 3 months so it’s not because of the acid. I question reality and get confused about the concept of time and sometimes I completely forget who I am. Also been having bad insomnia and strange sleep patterns. I’ve been impulsive and doing things that I regret later; smoking a lot more than usual, drinking all the time and trying other harder drugs like Xanax and coke(once) but thats weird for me because I’ve always thought of myself as weed only. I’ve also been hooking up with a lot more guys which is weird for me because I’ve always been kind of afraid of and have never been in a relationship and am very self conscious but I keep hooking up with guys I don’t care about. I also just really hate my personality. I try to seem unique but really I have no personality, I’ m nothing but a bunch of stolen identities. When I ask someone to hang out and they can’t I get extremely hurt by that to the point of tears and think that everyone thinks I’m annoying and that girl that I think is cool and I wish people could see me the same way as people see her knows that I’m copying her. Sometimes I’m afraid to go on the deck because I think I can’t control myself and I might jump off.
It’s not possible to determine a diagnosis over the Internet. The other issue is your age. Some mental health professionals are reluctant to diagnose teenagers with a mental illness because it is a turbulent time, both developmentally and emotionally.
When mental health problems are a concern, it is especially important to refrain from using drugs and alcohol. They can negatively impact your mood and personality. They could make your symptoms worse or perhaps may even be causing them. Therefore it would be in your best interest to stop using drugs and alcohol.
It was your opinion that you don’t possess a “unique personality ” and that you are a conglomeration of a “bunch of stolen identities.” What I think you might mean is that you are behaving in ways that you believe other people want you to instead of just being yourself. That could stem from low self-esteem.
Lack of self-esteem might also be evidenced by your “hooking up with guys [you] don’t care about.” You might not be so willing to indiscriminately “hook up” with these people if you felt better about yourself.
You have received different diagnoses. This would suggest that you have been evaluated by a mental health clinician. It’s good that you were in contact with mental health professionals, but you did not mention being in treatment. Counseling is the ideal treatment for the problems you have described. Medication could also help with your symptoms.
Erik Erikson is a famous and well-accepted developmental theorist. He talks about a stage that people go through when growing up. It is called identity vs. identity confusion. In essence he is saying that a teenager must go through a stage where they will find out who they are. They need to find their identity. You can read about this and see if it explains some of your feelings.
The symptoms you described require treatment. Contact a mental health professional and ask for his or her assistance. What’s most important is treating your symptoms with counseling and if necessary, medication. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
