From Dubai: I was engaged to someone I love for a year; I love him so much and couldn’t imagine my life without him. I have struggled a lot emotionally due to the loss of my father last year and he was supportive and always there, but for some reason he constantly quizzes me and doesn’t have any trust in me. He says that I have to earn it and I have absolutely done EVERYTHING and risked many things, as my culture doesn’t allow me to. He will question me on everything and I have to prove everything he has doubt in. for example if I had another line on the phone he will ask me to capture the screen for him to make sure if I was telling the truth. I work in an office all by myself but he gets very paranoid and insecure wondering what I do. I’m not aloud to drive, he wants me to leave my job and I cant hangout with any of my friends, the conclusion is while I’m not around him he loses his trust he just wants to keep me under his eye and under control. I got used to him a lot and I was very patient with him but now I had to breakup bcoz I couldn’t handle. In addition, I’m finding it very hard to cope as I have got used to him he was honestly the only person I was with 24/7 yet I couldn’t impress him. plz help and advice me if what I did was good for me. Thank You.
The kind of jealousy that your boyfriend is displaying needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. You’re right that it’s out of control, inappropriate, and for you to have left.
Men who are trying to control their women at that level are operating out of a profound level of insecurity. This insecurity and jealousy and Are being dealt with by trying to control you. You do not want to be with someone like this.
Don’t make the mistake many women in your position make by going back thinking it will get better. It doesn’t — not without a lot of emotional work and therapy on the man’s part. For future relationships or if you do decide to go back to this one, I would be very clear about the fact that if you wanted to cheat on him nothing he does is going to stop that: Trusting each other is the only thing that will work.
There are a number of different strategies you can try to help with this situation.
- Open and honest communication: Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about his jealousy and how it makes you feel. Encourage him to express his feelings and listen to him without judgment.
- Set clear boundaries: Clearly communicate what behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable in the relationship. This can help prevent jealousy-fueled conflicts and improve trust in the relationship.
- Address the root cause of jealousy: Jealousy can stem from insecurities and past experiences. Encourage your boyfriend to work through these underlying issues with a therapist or counselor.
- Focus on building trust: Building trust is essential in overcoming jealousy. Show your boyfriend that he can trust you by being transparent, accountable, and consistent in your actions and behaviors.
It’s important to remember that jealousy can be a complex and sensitive issue, and it may take time and effort to overcome. It may also be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor for both you and your boyfriend.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
