Adolescent Girls Archives

I think I may be depressed. I really don’t know. I just need help! I think I may be depressed. I’m never really happy. I’m always bored. When i’m not home I can’t wait till i’m home soo I can get on my computer.. it just feels like i’m escaping everything. I never sleep at night. I mostly sleep the day away. I never feel good enough, skinny enough and pretty enough. I often find myself comparing myself to other girls. I seek attention from older men and I always feel like i’m not good enough. I often feel like my parents love my sister more, like there always giving her all the attention. I’m really shy and don’t have many friends. I have hurt myself before nothing major but like buirsing myself. I rather be alone then be with people. I’m really close to my mom(she’s like my best friend.) but I often think about my mom dying and that scares me a lot. Even if someone says the littest thing to me it hurts. If I get yelled at I will start to cry. Even if I do the stupiest little thing like say something stupid, I’ll feel embarssed and stupid by it.

I know I went on and on but I just need to know what’s wrong with me? Maybe this is normal? I don’t know. Btw I’m 14.

Depression may be a possibility but many of your concerns are common among individuals your age. Early adolescence can be a difficult time. There are many fears. Many will wonder if they are good enough, smart enough, funny enough, attractive enough etc., and will be very concerned about what others think of them. These fears and doubts are a very common experience. It is also common to worry about losing a parent or other that you love.

Adolescent girls in particular often compare themselves to other girls. If they do not feel “good enough” they may attempt to fill that void by engaging in unhealthy behavior. You mentioned that you seek attention from older men. There are complications to consider regarding relationships with older men. They may be interested in sex and feel that sex is a part of every relationship that they enter into. It is normal to want attention and love but it is important to be careful about from whom you seek it.

You also mentioned that you harm yourself. This is an unhealthy behavior. You described purposefully bruising yourself as “nothing major” but I would disagree. If an individual is intentionally harming themselves it is a concern. It is usually a sign of significant emotional suffering. Oftentimes individuals will attempt to physically harm themselves in an attempt to decrease their emotional suffering. That strategy never works. The relief it provides is temporary. It is an ineffective and maladaptive solution. It often leads to more self-harm and possibly permanent physical damage.

I would encourage you to speak to your mother about your concerns. She needs to know about what you are experiencing. She may be able to help you. You may want to ask her if she would be willing to take you to a therapist. A therapist can help you deal with the pain and trauma of adolescence. You may want to suggest that she go with you. Since you and she are close, then she may welcome the opportunity.

Psychology Today is a directory of mental health professionals in the United States. If you type in your zip code, you can search through local therapists’ profiles to see which one you may want to make an appointment with. Try to choose a therapist who specializes in treating adolescents.

Thank you for your question.

As I’ve been becoming older, I’ve been getting into arguments with my parents. But recently they’ve been happening more and more frequently and I’ve been getting more and more angry each time. Each argument has been about the same major topics: my behavior towards my siblings or how I “disrespect” my parents. But sometimes I can’t help what I say to my parents. If they’re in my face yelling about what I just said or how I forgot to do something, how can I not yell back? My parents say its disrespect, but I feel that they have no respect for me when they’re yelling in my face. But the topic we argue most about is my little brother. He’s 7 and if I do the slightest thing to him he goes and tells and I get the whole “you’re older and need to grow up speech”. I’m sick of it. I feel that they can’t see that my little brother does things that really bother me, and I’m not being dramatic. Like today, my little brother does this thing where he just touches me. I HATE when he does this because it’s COMPLETELY unnecessary. So I hit him back, not that hard just a slap in the arm. Just so happens my dad was walking by at the same exact time. When he saw this he immediately got in my face, hit my arm (and I had to fight back the urge to hit my dad right back), and started giving me a speech (which during I was completely being a smart aleck because I felt this whole thing was not my fault). When my mother got home I got the same speech from her, but she just didn’t understand how I felt! Then while I was in the room right next to the kitchen they started to discuss what they should do to that “devil”. But my defense is that my little brother is just very dumb and a wimp and that my parents baby him too much. But to avoid these confrontations I feel the only way to do this is to COMPLETELY IGNORE my whole family. I’ve been doing this by sleeping all day and my schoolwork is suffering, I also barely eat because of sleeping all day. But these arguments always seem to find their way into my life. Is there any way to get my parents to understand me? How do I deal with 7-year-old brother? Can I just keep ignoring them? Please do not treat his as a teenager being dramatic, this is a serious cry for help. After some of these arguments I’ve hurt myself. I scratched my arm with tweezers and today I dug my own nails into my arm. Some of these arguments have resulted in me almost getting smacked in the face by my dad. I’ve also cried for hours before. So please I’m begging for help.

Thank you for your letter. I hope I can offer something useful.

Fifteen is a rough age because you are in-between everything, and are just starting to see weak spots in your family and the world. It is very normal for teenagers and their parents to go at it during this time, and for the siblings to throw in with the mix as well. But I understand the fact that it is common doesn’t offer much comfort.

Probably the best-known book about teenage girls is Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls written by Mary Pipher. I’d recommend reading it—see if you agree with the author, then ask your parents to read it. Sometimes an outside source can help make the change.

But my guess is that you are going to need a few sessions of family therapy. The fact that you are hurting yourself because of all this demands something is done sooner rather than later. I would ask your parents directly to have you talk to a therapist, and then explains to the therapist what is happening. More than likely the therapist will engage at least one of your parents, if not the whole family.

Don’t suffer in silence with this. If your parents are not willing to take you to a therapist, talk to the school counselor or a trusted teacher. He or she will be able to help get the ball rolling.

This may be a tough time for you, but there are many good things waiting for you as you move through high school. As you are seeking some peace within the family, keep developing interests outside of the home: Clubs, sports, classes, etc. Work on developing yourself, not focused any on the family feud.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

Adolescent Girls

Depressed or Normal Teen Issues?

Family issues