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What Started Out as OCD Looks Like Legitimate Pedophilia

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hello, What brought me here is that I believe I am a pedophile, I am shocked and anxious about it and disgusted by myself. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD (relationships OCD) 3 years ago and for the past 1,5 years I’ve been struggling with thoughts/fantasies about my gender and possible homosexuality. 6 months ago the worst was added to the roaster – I started to think that I am a pedophile when I felt something that I believe is attraction to a 12 year old girl. It got me panicking and later on I think that my feelings were exaggerated due to anxiety and there was nothing sexual there. But for the past months I’ve been struggling: I do definitely find teenager girls attractive (16 and up mostly) and as far as my research goes there is nothing biologically wrong with it (it’s a grey area in terms of social and legal issues though), plus research shows that many men respond with arousal to teenagers, they just don’t pay as much attention to it as I do due to fears of being a pedophile.

Yet, past 2 days were the worst. I see girls age of 11-13 around me, find them beautiful and at some point, sexual fantasies pop up in my mind. Sure, they might be intrusions, but why the hell then do I find them stimulating? It’s like I enjoy these fantasies and is horrified by them since it’s wrong and unnatural. Plus, majority of articles suggest that pedophilia develops during puberty (and I never had issues with this until I was 21) and one cannot develop pedophilia later in life. Yet, it’s like I am currently going through a pedophile phase – I do find some little girls (I can’t even believe that I write it, it makes me feel horrible) attractive and I experience sexual fantasies with them. In short, I am sexually attracted to them. I understand how wrong it is, but I’m pretty sure it’s there and I’m horrified. Of course, there are symptoms of OCD as well – extreme anxiety, obsessive thinking, avoidance of girls. Still, I am convinced that what I feel is real. So, how the hell that could happen to me? How the hell could my sexuality change so drastically?

Because you have significant symptoms of OCD, they cannot be ruled out as the cause. By your own admission, you have “extreme” anxiety, obsessive thinking and engage in avoidance behaviors. Those are the main symptoms of OCD. Until your symptoms dissipate, OCD seems like the most logical explanation.

Let’s also consider the statement “I understand how wrong it is but I’m pretty sure it’s there and I’m horrified,” the operative phrase being “pretty sure.” Pretty sure indicates that you are not certain. Thus, you are not certain that these are your thoughts. That would make them unwanted and intrusive, definite symptoms of OCD.

In addition, you asked “how the hell could my sexuality change so drastically?” The answer is that it can’t and doesn’t. You also find the thoughts horrifying. All more evidence of OCD.

There is a type of OCD called pedophile OCD (POCD). It’s not an official diagnosis but it’s a trend that researchers have noticed. It involves people with OCD who are primarily obsessed with the idea that they are pedophiles. People with pedophile OCD are not pedophiles. You can read more about it on this website.

It is also important to consider the nature of anxiety disorders. They induce fear and panic about things that should not cause fear and panic. They lead one to consider possibilities that should not be considered. They can cause you think certain things are true that are not true.

You were diagnosed with OCD but said nothing about treatment. If you are not in treatment, then it is best to start right away. Anxiety disorders are highly responsive to both psychotherapy and medication. Psychotherapy will help you to focus on what is real and true. Click the “Find Help” tab, at this top of this page, to find a local specialist in anxiety.

Finally, it is impossible to make definitive diagnoses over the internet but based on the information you have provided, the evidence would suggest that OCD is at the heart of this problem. Contacting a mental health professional, who specializes in anxiety disorders, will help you to quickly resolve this problem. Good luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Is This a Social Anxiety Disorder?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. When I was in high school, I had very few friends. At age 13 I hung out with a group of people who often left me out – I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem in the first place, and this lead me to believe that people at school didn’t want me around. I gave up trying with my old friends, and by the time I was in my final year at high school I didn’t really have anyone I could consider a friend at all. I spent most of my time in the library, avoiding people.

Halfway through my final year, I sought therapy – not for this issue, but it became our main focus. The therapist mentioned social anxiety, but I was never really sure. Other than school, I was rarely worried about being around people – I had a couple of friends outside school, and we would meet up every week to go to the pool…we also went to a concert together – plenty of people there, but I loved it! Strangers were fine, it was people I knew that I worried they didn’t like me.

Anyway, I’m at university now, and I’m beginning to think that some of my old “thought patterns” are coming back. I’ll use an example from today: I was in my room and went to open my window; there were a group of people outside underneath it, some of whom were my flatmates’ friends. One of them said “hi” to me – I said “hi” back, and when I went back to my desk I heard them talking, someone saying “well, I like you!” and then laughter. Immediately, I assumed the conversation I hadn’t heard had gone like this:

“She’s always in her room!”
“Such a loner…”
“Does she even have any friends?”
[calls up] “Well, I like you!”
[laughter]

For all I knew, it could have gone completely differently – it’s highly likely they weren’t talking about me at all – but I was worried about going outside or going to shut my window in case they saw me and laughed at me. It is true that I don’t really have any friends in halls – I barely see my flatmates, and I’ve taken to eating earlier than they do so I don’t have to be in the kitchen with them. It’s not that I don’t like them, but I find making conversation with them difficult, and I hate the awkward silences. Plus, if they have friends in the kitchen with them I always feel like I’m intruding, despite the fact that it’s my kitchen too! I do have some great friends on my course, though, and am rarely worried about being around people on campus. Is it possible to only have social anxiety in certain situations?

Also, do you think it would be worth me going back into therapy over this? I had a bit of a sudden ending after about 5 months – long story, but basically my parents (mainly my dad) asked me to quit, and although I told my therapist I didn’t want to leave, he terminated me the very next session after I’d sent him the email telling him what my parents had said. We made some good progress in therapy, I think – I managed to spend some free periods in the dining room at school instead of the library, I’m no longer scared of answering the phone (can’t say the same of making phone calls, though, and I avoid leaving answer phone messages at all costs), and I’ve also been brave enough to take buses and taxis, which I was too scared to do before. Like I said, though, I’m beginning to think I may be slipping back into my old ways of thinking, which I don’t want. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks in advance.

I do not know if you have a social anxiety disorder per say but you are experiencing some social anxiety. You are, as you said, falling back into your old behavior patterns. This is very important information that you have noticed and because of this, it would absolutely be beneficial for you to return to therapy.

You were in therapy and it seems as if it really helped you. You were able to go places and do things that you had not previously been able to do. This is clear progress. Your father, for some unknown and unfortunate reason asked you to stop therapy just when it was helping you.

Now that you are living independently, you can and should seek out help again. You were helped once and there is an excellent chance you can be helped again. Be proactive. Now that you are seeing your old patterns return, be wise, take action and return to therapy. Take care.

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Incorrectly Diagnosed?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I wonder if I have been wrongly diagnosed. I have battled with my mental health for approximately 11years, Starting off with being diagnosed with chronic depression and post traumatic stress disorder after many years of bullying result in my being beaten up and put in hospital by the bullies. That was when I was 12 years old. As the years have progressed and I have matured I seem to have gone through many different illnesses.
1. Chronic Depression, PTSD and Anorexia Nervosa
2.Severe Depression,Anxiety and Anorexia Nervosa
3.Cyclothymia
4.Bipolar II
Recently I have been diagnosed with A-Typical Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia and Recurrent Depressive Illness.

I am beginning to wonder if this recent diagnosis (and many of the past ones) is incorrect.
I have done a lot of researched about my symptoms traits etc and they seem to steer more towards Borderline Personality Disorder.
I will quickly explain me:
Usually I don’t know how I feel, people say “what’s wrong?” and I just don’t know.
I get flustered, and panic, mostly when things change, I don’t like change, I am often very disorganised, but don’t like it I am a very chaotic person.

I switch from one thing to another in a matter of minutes. I don’t like disorder, I think things to be right. I have a massive fear of abandonment, I always think my husband is going to leave me for someone “normal” someone “better”. I always second guess him and myself, my self – esteem is non existant, I have no confidence in anything I do. I don’t like being along, I don’t like doing things on my own, however sometimes all I want is to be left alone – I never know what I want!
I’m sad all the time and want to cry, soemtimes I think people are all against me and are purposly trying to upset me. I have no interest in most aspects of life. I don’t have any friends, or what I was class as “friends” I have being in crowds, I feel closed in and I can hear the blood pumping in my ears.

I’m all over the place. I Spend ridiculously..Usually stuff we/I don’t need but want to make me feel better…My sleep is all over the place..Sometimes I don’t want to sleep and it takes forever to go to sleep but then when the morning comes I don’t want to get up. I eat because I have to (my family make me!) My biggest problem is I’m good at hiding things, I have spent many years putting on a front and seeming “happy and ok” that I don’t know how to be “ME” the real me..I self harmed for nearly 10 years..and the only reason I don’t now is knowing how much it hurts my family…My CPN and Psychiatrist said this shows that my condition is no serious as people who were serious would not be able to control this. But I don’t want to control it, I want to be me and not live up to everyone else’s expectations…I am who I am to suit my family, not to suit me. I hide everything, and to be honest I don’t know how to be me….I have wierd thoughts that no one else seems to understand, I ask daft questions. I hate myself and everything about me. I think I’m worthless and pathetic and that there’s no point to my life. Oh I don’t know I just can not explain anything about me how I feel or anything I just don’t think that I don’t fit in with the Bipolar spectrum..I do have anxiety I know this and I am pretty sure on the Recurrent depressive illness…and as for the social phobia well that could be right….the other problem I have is I don’t know how to say to my psychiatrist I think he is wrong, afterall he’s the professional and in my experience with alot of professionals they don’t seem to care about your opinions only theirs and that what they think is correct…I’m all over the place I just don’t know what to do…I’ve gone from being on 600mg Lamotrigine,5mg Aripiprazole and 2mg Diazepam to 20mg Fluoxetine (with a 12month gap in between when I was pregnant and not on any medication) PLEASE HELP I don’t know where to go or what to say or anything..

Typically I try to steer people away from focusing on a diagnosis. For a mental health professional, it may be helpful to focus on a diagnosis but I don’t think that it is always helpful for the client to search for a specific diagnostic label. Many people simply do not fit diagnostic labels and categories. People are unique and complicated and they may have many issues that do not match a specific diagnosis or set of diagnoses. I urge you to shift your focus on treatment and away from diagnosis.

You mentioned that you are in contact with a CPN (which I take to mean community psychiatric nurse since you are not living in the U.S.) and a psychiatrist, both of whom likely focus on medication as a primary treatment. Medication can be very helpful and has saved the lives of many people. What may be lacking in your treatment plan is that you are not addressing your anxiety, the compulsion to spend, depression, self-harm, PTSD, and the other issues you are struggling with. That is where your treatment needs to focus. Maybe you have attempted treatment for those issues in the past and did not include that information in your letter. From what I can tell you have yet to address those issues.

The solution is to alter your treatment to include therapy. All of the issues that you have written about can be addressed with the help of a competent mental health professional. If you find the right help then I believe you have an excellent chance of overcoming all of the issues you are facing. Thank you for your question. Please take care.

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How Does a Homebound Agoraphobic Get Help?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’ve been a homebound agoraphobic for 3.5 years. I want to get help, but obviously can’t get to a therapist’s office, and I don’t work and my family has no money so I can’t afford to pay for therapy. My family also doesn’t want me in therapy, and since I live with them, my only option would be online treatment. I’ve tried to search the web for what I can do, but there doesn’t seem to be any help for someone in my situation except to just deal with it myself. If I could deal with it by myself, I would have in the last 3 years. What do I do?

Some quick background: The agoraphobia seems to be linked to when I was homeless. I lived in a car from age 16-17, and when I got out of that situation at 18, the agoraphobia began to set in. My main problem is with cars – for a while, once I was able to get to whatever the destination was, I was fine; it’s in the car that I freak out. I’ve had mental disorders (or whatever you’d like to call them) before: 2 bouts with depression, apparent kleptomania as a child, and dermatillomania as a teen. I don’t suffer from any of those anymore. Obviously my family was not great; my father was an alcoholic and drug addict, he was abusive to my mother and neglected me (both emotionally and in the criminal sense), and my mother, I suspect, suffers from undiagnosed mental illness (she seems to display a lot of manic behavior, has rage issues, and was and is emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive).

So, clearly I need help, and I want it, but I have no idea where or how to get it.

Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders tend to become worse over time, partly because individuals with the disorder often have difficulty tolerating uncomfortable feelings. Therefore, when possible they avoid situations that produce uncomfortable feelings. The counterintuitive result of this avoidance generally leads to an increase in anxiety levels and subsequently a degradation of one’s quality of life.

An additional problem is that you have no health insurance. One possible option is seeking treatment at a community mental health center. They offer psychiatric services to individuals without health insurance. It may be helpful to call your local community mental health center and ask for their advice. There may be some help they can offer you over the phone. Other possible options include:

  • Joining an online support group for individuals with agoraphobia. You may learn important information and coping skills from other group members. Perhaps there are some strategies that other group members have used for getting help that you might try yourself.
  • Calling local therapists and asking for their advice. They may know of low-cost or free services that may help in your situation. You should also ask them whether they offer psychotherapy sessions over the phone. Maybe someone will offer their services to you at a reduced cost.
  • Contacting the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. Here’s a link to their website. Present your situation to them. They may have good advice for you.
  • Applying for two government social programs: Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) and Supplemental Security Income (SSI). These programs can help you access health insurance and a monthly income. Click this link to read more about these programs.
  • Contacting a therapist on Live Person. Live Person ostensibly provides psychotherapy over the Internet. It is a pay site so there will be a charge but you may be able to hire a therapist at a discounted price. Usually the first few minutes of interaction with the therapists are free and it is during this time that you may be able to negotiate a reduced rate. If you are interested, here is a link to their website.

The bottom line is you are faced with a challenging situation. Treatments exist that can actually cure agoraphobia. I understand that you are homebound. Obviously, if you could leave your house you would have but at some point the only way to cure this problem may be to force yourself into therapy. I wish you well. Thanks for writing.

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I Don’t Feel like I’m an Actual Person

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: I’ve been feeling a lot but not enough at the same time. I go through a lot of emotions but I can’t recognize them, and a lot of what I do feels disconnected and bland. I don’t enjoy what I used to, and even when I think I’m enjoying something, I don’t feel strongly enough about it.

I understand that this is supposed to be one of my biggest periods of change, but I just feel stuck. I’d help myself get out but I don’t know where I am. It’s not depression, I don’t think so, I can still smile and I frequently do, but I often feel overwhelmed by a bunch of feelings, and they all stem from different places but nothing feels like a big enough problem, nothing makes me feel validated or like a real person, and none of my emotions have been powerful enough to make me want to actively pursue change. All I know is that I’m always anxious, I never know how I’m feeling or how to provide myself with an outlet (huge fan of art and writing but every time I’ve tried I’ve ended up comparing myself to others and tearing everything up),

my mother irritates me and stresses me out even more, I’m starting to see my resemblance to her and it disgusts me, and I’ve had anger issues for a while. I can’t find professional help anywhere, and my mother stopped looking a while back because she was convinced it was just my hormones messing with me, and she decided herself that my issues weren’t all that severe if I didn’t feel the urge to self-harm or commit suicide – and I still don’t, I’m too anxious for that.

My counselor probably isn’t qualified at all, he just doesn’t look like someone I’d want to talk to, and my grades (particularly in algebra) are horrid. I don’t want to pull a classic teen cliche, but in all honesty, nobody understands me, and I can’t blame them. How can I expect someone to like me when I don’t even know or like myself? How do I get over these feelings of anxiety and not having a genuine sense of personality? How do I stop feeling drained and like I wasn’t meant to be born because all I am is an anxious crying mess who can’t handle the slightest bit of pressure?

Your mother may be right that the problem is hormonal but, unless she is an endocrinologist, her opinion is only that — an opinion. When I get a letter like this from a young woman who is 14, I always suggest that the first stop is a visit to the doctor. Your body is going through significant changes. It’s a good idea to make sure that your hormones are at normal levels. So please, do get an appointment with your doctor. Take a copy of your letter with you to jump start the conversation.

If it turns out that you are physically okay, then it’s time to look at whether you in fact have an anxiety disorder. That might be the case. But it’s also possible you just need a little help learning some new coping skills to help you manage the stress of being a teen. For that you need a mental health professional. You can ask your doctor for a referral to someone who specializes in teen issues and who takes your insurance.

Meanwhile, if the feelings get overwhelming, I suggest you call the Boys and Girls Town Hotline. There are counselors there 24/7 to talk with teens like you. You don’t need to be in severe crisis to call. They are there to listen and to make suggestions. The phone number is 1-800-448-3000. Here’s the website: http://www.boystown.org/hotline.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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I Am Scared of Becoming a Spitting Image of My Mother (Who Has Schizophrenia)

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Alright, quick backstory here: I’m currently 17 years old and I’ve moved out of my mother’s place last year. For pretty much my entire life, I’ve witnessed my mother acting like a lunatic. My dad and her argued over nonsense and he had to move us multiple times because she thought there was something wrong with the houses we lived in. She complained about demons being in the walls or something.. I don’t know.

She’s done other weird things, like talk about Ellen White and one of her friends she helped out when I was a baby. She often said that they were out to get her, her friend apparently stole her stuff. I can’t remember the rest of what she said, because it’s gobbly goop.

There’s way more. This is only the tip of the iceberg. I’m not going to get into further details about it because I want to get to the point.

My dad and me had no idea why she was acting out the way she was and I thought it was normal for a long time, until a social worker came over to our house one day. At first the social worker thought there was nothing wrong with her because she acted as normal as possible (which makes no sense to me when I think about it) They kept visiting us several times until my mother finally lost her mind one day. They took her into Waypoint (which is a mental health facility) and she was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. This is when I was 12 years old. My dad and I were both shocked to find out that the whole time, she was paranoid schizophrenic. She was put on treatment for awhile, but she got off it and she became worse.

For the next two years, I didn’t worry about it, but as I did more and more reading on schizophrenia. I learned that it can inherited genetically and it can be triggered. When I turned 15, I started worrying and I’ve been worrying about it since. It’s gotten so bad, that I sometimes think I’m losing my mind and having delusions. I sometimes think that I’m hallucinating and I end up having panic attacks, I struggle to breathe, I feel like nothings real, my head gets very foggy and I can’t think clearly, which worsens it. I don’t know what to do… I’ve told my family about it and they just make it worse by telling me that I’m going to get it no matter what, which not only makes me depressed, but it makes me think that I won’t have a future.. I don’t want to end up being like my mom. I don’t want anything to do with her.. I don’t want schizophrenia.. I don’t know what to do… help me.

Just because your mother has schizophrenia does not mean that you will also develop schizophrenia. Having a first-degree relative with schizophrenia increases your chances of developing the disorder, but it most certainly doesn’t mean that you will. Many, many children of schizophrenics never develop the disorder. From my experience, I would say that most do not, though almost all worry about it happening.

If the cause of schizophrenia were known, multiple theories would not exist; there would only be one theory — “the” theory of schizophrenia. The fact remains that the cause of schizophrenia has not been identified.

The prevailing theory of schizophrenia is that it is a brain disease. Genetics are thought to play a role but how much of a role is not clearly known. Many researchers believe that stress and environment play a major role in the development of schizophrenia but how much of a role, remains a mystery.

It is common for people who have relatives with schizophrenia to worry that they too will get it. Having a parent with a severe mental illness often means having to be ultra-vigilant about one’s own mental health. At this point, your worries are beyond vigilant; they are causing you major distress and that is a problem that needs corrected.

It is also common for people with anxiety disorders to think that they have schizophrenia. It may be that your uncontrolled anxiety is causing your fears of developing schizophrenia.

I would recommend consulting a mental health professional. They will help you to manage your overwhelming emotions and gain control over your fears. Anxiety typically doesn’t get better without treatment. The good news is that anxiety is highly treatable with both counseling and medication.

You were raised by a mother with schizophrenia. Under those circumstances, your sense of mental health stability might have been skewed because of the odd nature of her behavior. You need someone who can “anchor” you in reality and provide emotional support. A therapist can serve as a powerful, objective source of mental health stability. Counseling can effectively address all the problems you have written about and it will help you to feel better. I wish you well. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Social Anxiety Disorder?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I show a lot of signs of different disorders, but I’m not sure if I actually have one or which one or ones I do have. Within the past few months, I’ve gradually found it much harder to leave my house. It is affecting me to the point where I have to take days off of school because I get physically ill (nauseous) from being around so many people for such a long time. I tend to stay in my room more than anywhere else. I am extremely cautious about talking to other people and it is a very hard thing for me to do. I don’t pick up the telephone no matter what, and I will not call people either. I don’t keep many close friends, and the ones I do have I only see at school or talk to online. I’m terribly afraid of public speaking, working in groups, or being around people in general, and a lot of that is because I’m afraid of what they will think of me. I get very anxious about doing things like going to school, and I have suffered a few minor panic attacks from that. I have extremely low self esteem, maybe even close to self-loathing, and this also prevents me from talking to people I believe. My moods also change very quickly, and are pretty extreme as well.

It is always difficult to offer a reliable diagnosis over the Internet. Please keep this in mind. Based on the information you have provided you may have agoraphobia or social phobia. Both are anxiety disorders. Agoraphobia is a fear of being in places where you may not be able to escape. It usually involves a fear of crowds or being with other people in general. Some individuals with severe agoraphobia can no longer leave their homes due to extreme fear. The fear can be crippling. They essentially become prisoners in their own home. You can read more about the characteristics of agoraphobia here.

Characteristics of social phobia include having an irrational fear of interacting with people. It also involves a fear of putting yourself in situations which may involve scrutiny or judgments by others. Individuals with social phobia tend to avoid social events because of their intense fear of being judged. You can read more about social phobia by clicking here.

Your situation is very concerning. Your anxiety is preventing you from attending school. If you cannot attend school then you risk failing. Social anxiety disorders tend to become progressively worse over time. It is important that you seek help for this issue. Anxiety disorders are very treatable. Many individuals with anxiety disorders are able to overcome them.

According to HelpGuide’s website, “When it comes to treating anxiety disorders, research shows that therapy is usually the most effective option. That’s because anxiety therapy—unlike anxiety medication—treats more than just the symptoms of the problem. Therapy can help you uncover the underlying causes of your worries and fears; learn how to relax; look at situations in new, less frightening ways; and develop better coping and problem-solving skills. Therapy gives you the tools to overcome anxiety and teaches you how to use them.”

The first step in getting help for social anxiety disorders is often the most difficult because it usually requires physically leaving your home to attend psychotherapy appointments. The prospect of that may be very frightening but it is a necessary step to cure this problem.

My advice is this: speak to your parents. Inform them that you possibly have an anxiety disorder. Tell them that you need help and you need it now. As indicated above, anxiety disorders are very treatable but it requires you asking for help. I hope that you are able to get the help you need. Please consider writing back to let me know how you’re doing. I wish you well.

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Am I Getting Schizophrenia?

by Holly Counts, Psy.D.
written by Holly Counts, Psy.D.

I am 21 and I was diagnosed a few days ago with severe anxiety. My psychiatrist told me I covered all the bases of anxiety except social anxiety because I love being around people. I have GAD, OCD, phobias, agoraphobia, panic disorder, and attachment issues. This all started four months ago when I was laying on the couch and suddenly had the overwhelming fear of getting hallucinations or hearing voices. A few days after that I decided to look up what mental illness has hallucinations or hears voices. I found that schizophrenia and bipolar disorder hear voices and have hallucinations. I have a very sensitive mind so I started thinking if I had the fear of having hallucinations then maybe I would get schizophrenia. I read that schizophrenic people feel they are being controlled by things/people, they hear voices, have hallucinations, and sometimes even think to kill people. Ever since I looked up how a schizophrenic person thinks I began to have thoughts like them. Id have intrusive thoughts if I was washing the dishes with someone and had a knife Id think of killing them. If I looked somewhere Id be afraid of having a hallucination pop up there. If I’m alone Id be afraid of hearing voices. And many other things that a schizophrenic person thinks. However, I know none of these thoughts are real. I am well aware of my reality and that this is probably just a massive fear and brought on by my severe anxiety. It’s also very confusing to me because if I’m with people or my mind is highly occupied I do not have any bad thoughts, but when I’m alone or my mind is not being occupied these thoughts swarm my mind. Ever since this all started though, I have had to quit my job, I hardly leave the house because almost every move I make I think thoughts of a schizophrenic person and it freaks me out! So I have some questions about all this. Can me fearing becoming a schizophrenic so strongly make me a schizophrenic? Why did I suddenly have the thought that I was going to have hallucinations or hear voices? Why won’t these thoughts stop? why do I constantly think thoughts that a schizophrenic would think? Why is it when I’m talking to people and my mind is occupied I don’t think these horrible thoughts? (age 21, from US)

Thanks for writing in with your questions. From what you are describing here, I would agree with your psychiatrist that it is all part of the anxiety disorders. Fearing that you could become schizophrenic cannot make you have schizophrenia. It is a biologically based disorder and no amount of worrying about it could cause you to develop it. Many of the other fears you mention are common to anxiety disorders, even the fear about harming someone with a knife. Both anxiety disorders and depression can cause something called rumination. It is when certain thoughts loop through your mind over and over to the point of obsession. Your best bet is to work with your psychiatrist and therapist if you have one. If you don’t also have a therapist, I would recommend that you get one because medication alone can only do so much. The therapist can help you learn techniques to better control your thought processes, giving the medications time to work on the biochemical level.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

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I Can’t Stop Cutting

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

So, ever since I was a wee-little lad, I have been in Dance classes, and I enjoy it! Just Because I prefer “dancing” over “football”, according to everyone in my school: I’m gay. When I got into 6th Grade, the bullying started getting really bad. People were messing with my head, and I started to get really depressed. I remember my first time cutting. I used a razor in the shower. The release felt amazing- and it helped me totally forget about all of the emotional pain that had been building up inside of me for however many years. Ever since that first time cutting, I feel like I am “addicted” to cutting or something. Now, whenever I get tripped in the hallway at school, get into an argument with my mom, or EVEN if I get angry over the stupidest things. It’s gotten to the point, where most times, I don’t even have a reason to do it. I just do. My scars are really visible, as are the newer cuts (that I’ve done in the past couple of days). It’s confusing, because I keep trying to tell myself that I want to stop, but my head keeps on telling me that It’s okay. It’s really dangerous because it REALLY works, and it is the ONLY way I know how to deal with my problems, and cope with my past. I get bullied all the time at school, which only adds more stress, and makes me cut more. I have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder, but I think I have depression. My mom knows I used to cut, but she thinks I stopped a year ago. Little does she know. My cuts are getting deeper every time I do it now. She told me (back when she knew I was doing it before) That if she found out I was doing it again, she would send me to a Psych ward. I just dont know what to do anymore. Please Help.

Thanks,

I can understand the struggle and deeply appreciate you talking about this and sending your email. The most important thing I can say is that a “psych ward” isn’t what is needed. You are clearly a bright and talented student who has been struggling to find a way to cope with his pain, and what I can tell you is there are many other ways of coping that won’t put your well-being at risk. You are not familiar with these ways, but a good therapist will be. Ask your mom about going to talk to a therapist about how you are feeling. That is the truth, and my guess is she will honor your request. Then tell the therapist everything you explained here and you and he or she will make a plan for coping from there. Many teenagers and young adults have found alternative to cutting that have proven to be helpful. My hope is that you will too.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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Fear of Schizophrenia

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

So I’ll start by saying that about a year and a half ago I suffered an intense panic/anxiety attack whilst on cannabis. This was catalyzed by an intense fear that I’d somehow triggered schizophrenia by smoking and I was basically doomed. Since then I would say that I’ve developed a phobia of having schizophrenia, I guess you could call it a schizophrenia OCD, where I always fear I’m developing delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, etc; a fear that i’m in the prodrome of schizophrenia essentially.

After this panic attack I felt spaced out and dissociated (depersonalization/derealisation), which led me to continue to worry that I was becoming insane. I sought professional help via a psychologist, who diagnosed me with GAD and health anxiety after an evaluation and an extensive 200 question screening test that came back to show that I undoubtedly had an anxiety disorder. I continued to see him over the course of a few months and even at my worst, when I definitely thought I was delusional, he still maintained that I had anxiety.

My concern is (now) this: about 4-5 years ago, around the age 20-21, I went through a pretty rough time in my life where I was pretty down and had low self esteem. I guess looking back you could say that I was self medicating through alcohol and cannabis, but I thought I was just living it up with my friends and “being young” at college. During this time I was receiving benefits from the government for my degree and also working a cash-in-hand job, so I was earning a decent enough wage. I began to worry that I would eventually be caught for this tax evasion, as I had earned a sizeable amount of undeclared cash, and I was concerned that the tax office would somehow find out about my indiscretions and I would either receive a hefty fine or have some sort of criminal punishment if I couldn’t pay the fine (which I couldn’t). I even was hesitant to speak on the phone about my hours and how much money I was earning incase the tax office cracked down on tax evasion and obtained a bunch of phone records etc.

I wasn’t delusional/paranoid beyond rationality, and when I spoke to my friends/family about my concerns they were able to talk about the options and the likely hood of this actually happening, which helped. It didn’t rule my life or significantly impact on my life, but I guess I just felt really guilty that I was breaking the law?

My question is…maybe this worry/paranoia that I experienced a few years ago is somehow linked and I was experiencing prodromal psychosis way back then, but I didn’t realise. I chalked it up to being pretty down and feeling pretty worthless, coupled with the fact that I WAS in fact doing the wrong thing.

I receive many letters from people who experience similar fears about having used drugs and subsequently developing schizophrenia. It seems to be a relatively common fear.

The letters that I receive are anecdotal evidence of the danger of drug use. The most dangerous aspect of using street drugs is that they are unregulated. They may contain any number of poisons and you simply don’t know where they come from and how they have been treated.

Your episode of concern occurred years ago. You became “paranoid” about your engaging in tax evasion. Strictly speaking, your paranoia was warranted. You were engaging in illegal behavior and were worried about getting caught. Your concern was justified.

The difference between your paranoia about tax evasion and the paranoia that people with psychotic disorders experience, is that yours was warranted and theirs is not. People with psychotic disorders are frightened of something occurring to them that in fact has very little or no chance of occurring. Their concerns are not based in reality. They believe something to be true that in fact is not true and has no basis in reality.

The diagnosis of schizophrenia requires a certain set of symptoms for a specific length of time. I cannot provide a diagnosis over the Internet but what you’ve written does not seem to be suggestive of schizophrenia. To further support that, you were evaluated by a psychologist who asked you over 200 questions and it was determined that you had anxiety and not schizophrenia.

If you continue to have anxiety, then it would be wise to begin counseling. Counseling can be quite effective for anxiety, particularly by helping you stay focused on reality. I hope that I’ve answer your question but if you have additional concerns please don’t hesitate to write again. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Paranoia About Schizophrenia

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am a 17-year-old male. I have developed major anxiety and panic attacks since making bad choices with marijuana and have been living with it for the past year and a half.

Initially i became obsessed with developing a brain tumour that lasted for months and that only subsided after MRI scans cleared me. I then became obsessed that i was suffering from Alzheimers disease that lasted several months as well that only subsided recently.

Now though i have become obsessed with the fact that i have schizophrenia. i have taken several schizophrenia tests online that all confidently say i dont have the illness. i do not hear voices or see things (hallucinations) and my speech, actions and memory are all normal.

However in the last 1-2 months i believe that when im out at night that someone has poisoned my food or that someone will put a spell on me. I know these thoughts are not normal however i cant seem to rid them.

No one has noticed anything except for abit of anxiety at nightime when i go out or when im stuck at home. Please help me.

Hopefully, you have stopped smoking marijuana. Marijuana is much more potent than it used to be. In the early 1990s, for instance, the average THC content was approximately 3.7%. A recent analysis of marijuana being sold in Colorado determined that the average THC content was 18.7%. The same might be true elsewhere. One expert featured in the Washington Post even noted that “underage kids have unbelievable access to nuclear-strength weed.” Because of this, there’s been a notable increase in the number of calls to poison control centers and visits to emergency rooms.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) survey report indicates that in 2018, approximately 11% of eighth graders and 36% of 12th graders had used marijuana. About 6% of those 12th graders reportedly smoked marijuana on a daily basis making it the most widely used illicit drug in the 44-year history of the survey.

Many teens consider marijuana safe or less risky than alcohol or other types of drugs. It’s a perception not based on fact. Higher potency levels make it more dangerous for adolescents. Though it can be useful in the treatment of some conditions involving pain, and others such as glaucoma, there are hazards in its use.

Developmental issues are also a factor. Studies show that the brains of teenagers are not fully developed until about the age of 25. Using mind-altering drugs when the brain is already in a vulnerable state is risky. Studies thus far indicate that it negatively effects executive function, memory, attention span, concentration, and IQ levels. Generally speaking, it is a drug that should be avoided by adolescents.

Psychologically healthy people don’t feel the need to use mind-altering substances. In order to protect one’s psychological health, it would be best to avoid all mind-altering substances.

Your situation is not unlike that of many teenagers. I receive many letters from people describing the same type of situation you have described. They too are struggling with the aftereffects of marijuana use. People often underestimate how their using drugs will negatively affect their psychological health.

It sounds as though you have anxiety. Anxiety is highly treatable with medication and psychotherapy. It seems to be the source of your problems. If you’re willing to consult a mental health professional, they can help you. It would be very wise to do so.

Understandably, you might be worried about getting into trouble if you were to admit to a mental health professional that you used drugs but you don’t have to worry about that. They might advise you to avoid using drugs but they’re not going to turn you into the police or tell your parents. They will be focused on your health, well-being and finding a solution to your anxiety.

To assess your symptoms, they will be collecting information. This includes things such as: how your symptoms manifest, how long you have been experiencing them, how you react to them, and related questions. The goal of collecting data is to understand the nature of this problem. It will assist them in determining a diagnosis. Treatment recommendations will likely include either medication and or psychotherapy. Once you begin treatment, your anxiety should dissipate. You should begin to feel better and more relaxed.

In the meantime, try to resist the urge to research the disorders that you fear having. It will likely only increase your anxiety levels. Giving in to anxiety often causes it to increase. You don’t want to make it worse if you can help it. Try to stay grounded in reality. That can be difficult, especially with heightened levels of anxiety, which is why you should seek professional assistance. They can help you. They will know what to do because they treat cases like this all of the time. Hopefully, you will take this advice and consult a mental health professional. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Anxiety & Inability to Commit in Work, School, Relationships

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m 23 and up until about 4 years ago, I was outgoing, had a big social circle, and a part time job I had maintained for a couple years. Since then, I’ve somehow become very depressed, self-hating, antisocial and have terrible anxiety whenever I’m obligated to a work or social situation, sometimes even when it’s just a family get together. It gets so bad that I’ve quit about 8 jobs in the past 4 years. It’s very hard to explain it in writing, but it feels uncontrolable when I start to feel the anxiety and apprehension. It’s embarassing and I feel like a child having a temper tantrum but I can’t stop it. I’ve gone as far as hysterically crying until my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to go into work, I’ve pretended to go but actually went somewhere else to kill time, or I’ve just stopped showing up to work all together and never called. It sounds so irresponsible, spoiled, and childish which is why it’s so hard for me to talk about because I can’t convey the way it feels to me inside. I prefer to spend my time alone in my apartment or with my boyfriend only and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to be around other people. My family growing up was very dysfunctional and my parents were verbally and sometimes physically abusive toward one another my entire childhood. I can still to this day vivdly remember some of their fights and the things I’ve heard them say and seen them do. As I’ve gotten older, I get preoccupied thinking back to those times and it bothers me more now that I can reflect back on it as an adult. I’m very hypervigilant and I’d say I’m in a state of fear or anticipating something bad about 75% of the time for no valid reason. I’ve been that way my entire life though, not just recently. I slept with my parents until I was 11 and I still have night terrors to this day, usually about myself being killed by a man. I just don’t understand how I was so fuctional as a teenager, but now as an adult I’m falling apart emotionally. I hate the way I am, it’s shameful and embarassing and the more I feel shameful, the harder it is for me to snap out of it.

Psychological problems are no more shameful and embarrassing than developing the flu or a toothache. You are not purposely causing your symptoms. You are doing your best to deal with your symptoms but you’re not a trained professional. Most people are not and thus can’t treat themselves.

You were doing great until about four years ago. Try to think back about what may have happened to trigger these problems. If you think about it, there’s probably something that caused a change. Identifying the trigger might provide important insight about what might be wrong.

As you already may recognize, untreated anxiety tends to become worse over time. That’s because people with anxiety disorders tend to inadvertently reinforce their anxiety. It’s called negative reinforcement. In your case, each time you avoid something because of your anxiety, you are inadvertently reinforcing your anxiety. This will cause the anxiety to increase in the future. Avoidance only makes the problem worse.

Highly effective treatments exist for the problems with which you are suffering. You should not hesitate to seek help. Mental health professionals are specifically trained to deal with anxiety and depression. Counseling and medication have both been shown to improve the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Finally, do your best to refrain from self-criticism. I highly doubt that if you had the flu or a toothache you would refer to yourself as yourself “irresponsible, spoiled or childish.” Mental health problems affect many people, including smart and successful people. Your continued self-criticism might make the process of seeking help more difficult for you. I hope that you make the wise decision to seek help because it is the correct way to deal with this problem. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Feeling Guilty and Excessive Worrying

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I used to have a fulfilling life with my husband and our baby (I did experience some long depressed periods as a teen). My problems began a year ago when a series of traumas, accidents and health issues occurred in a row (none of them were because of my family). I feel that I’m going to collapse under the weight of all the “baggage” I’ve been carrying since then. I don’t feel I deserve to live anymore and I’m confused about my future. I used to have clear goals in life but not anymore. I would never cause harm to myself or anyone else but I’m afraid I have a severe anxiety disorder.

A feeling has been preventing me from performing my daily activities for 2 months: I’ve somehow become obsessed with feeling guilty for doing things and not doing things. Everything I do is wrong and bad. I’ve started to become very careful with what I say to people as though any word could have a detrimental effect and I’m afraid that if I made the slightest negative remark, there would be serious consequences. I’ve been constantly worried about getting arrested/getting into trouble for saying/doing anything. I used to be straightforward (not rude) but now I get so worried about saying a simple sentence that I think about the situation for days afterwards. I have the kind of personality that wants to please and help everybody. Ironically enough, I can’t say that I have any friends other than my husband. I find it difficult to fall asleep every night. I blame myself for everything, I think about the mistakes I’ve made and what consequences they could possibly have on my life at any moment. I get angry at myself as though I subconsciously wanted to deprive myself of the freedom of speech so that I wouldn’t hurt other people’s feelings. I don’t say bad stuff to people but I can’t stop worrying about something all the time. I tried counseling when I was having emotional meltdowns a year ago after a car accident but I felt absolutely worse afterwards. I have problems with socialization. I have too much empathy and think from other people’s perspectives all the time. Is this a mental “illness”? Is it worth feeling “guilty” and worrying about the past (what could’ve been done differently)? Or should we just live without regrets no matter what?

English is not my first language. I’m sorry about any mistakes I made. I’d appreciate your opinion! I can’t share my thoughts with anyone other than my significant other.

It is possible that you may have an anxiety disorder. That possibility may frighten you but you have nothing to be afraid of. Anxiety disorders are very treatable conditions. Hundreds, if not thousands, of books are available on the subject. In addition, many individuals who undergo treatment learn how to control their anxiety and others become symptom-free. For those willing to seek treatment, the prognosis is excellent.

You have been dealing with excessive feelings of guilt. One aspect of the problem is knowing when it is appropriate to feel guilty and when it isn’t.

There are times when feelings of guilt are appropriate. For instance, if you have done something wrong, then it would make sense to feel guilty. If you have done nothing wrong, then you should not feel guilty. It is either appropriate to feel guilty in a situation or it isn’t.

It is important to analyze every situation from a logical perspective to determine if your feelings are in line with reality. Accurately perceiving the reality of a situation would significantly reduce or eliminate your anxiety. A therapist could greatly assist you with this. He or she would analyze situations that prompt your guilty feelings and help you to determine if they are appropriate.

Worrying about past situations is not useful. Worrying changes nothing. No amount of worrying will change or alter the past. Analyzing one’s behavior to determine if mistakes were made is a worthwhile effort. You cannot change the past but it could help you to know how to behave in future situations.

You mentioned that you have tried therapy. It was not successful but you should try again. Not all therapists are created equally. That therapist may not have been helpful but another one might be. The find help tab at the top of this page can help you to locate a mental health professional in your community. It would be wise to choose a therapist who specializes in treating anxiety disorders. I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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I’m a Real Life Failure to Launch

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Ism 23 years old a female still live with my mom and currently no job and have never had my license I always say I’ll get it but i never have and I can’t explain why til yesterday… Iam terrified. Yesterday I was on my way to a very promising interview and was so scared I can’t explain it I was panicking inside but we got lost on the way there and I crazily enough was happy because I didn’t have to face what was so scary, I’m still not sure what it was that had me so scared. I have tried getting my license and failed twice and each time it’s hard to deal with I hate failing so I guess I have allowed myself to stop trying. I have self esteem issues because of these things I avoid my friends cause I’m embarrassed by this that I’m still where I was when I was in high school I want to change I do I just don’t know how to stop myself from sabotaging myself! I know the problem is me so why can’t I make it stop? My mom is fed up with this behavior and I hate disappointing her please help!

Fear and anxiety seem to be your biggest issues. They are holding you back in life. When your anxiety level spikes, you flee the situation. Every time you flee a high-anxiety situation, you inadvertently make your anxiety worse. That is the progressive nature of anxiety. Without intervention, it tends to become worse.

You describe your behavior as being self-sabotaging. I take that expression to mean that you are not forcing yourself to do difficult things because of your fears. In that regard, it is self-sabotage because running away from difficult or anxiety-producing situations only reinforces and strengthens your fears.

Anxiety is treatable. There are effective interventions that could help you. I would highly recommend counseling. Cognitive behavioral therapy is quite effective, as are other types of treatments. Medication might also help to reduce your anxiety. Many people find that the combination of medication and psychotherapy works best for anxiety problems.

The best way to overcome one’s fears is to face them. In everyday practice, that would mean consistently enduring and tolerating anxiety-producing situations rather than fleeing them. But there’s no reason to do this alone. Professional help can expedite the intervention process and provide support that will help you to overcome your fears.

At 23, you are still very young. You are not that far away from where you want to be. Based on what you wrote, your goals are to get your driver’s license and get a job. With treatment, those are very achievable goals. It might only take a few counseling sessions for you to begin to get your anxiety under control. At that point, you might feel ready to do the things that you have been wanting to do. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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What Anxiety Disorder Do I Have?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a teen in the U.S.: I have been unable to find what anxiety disorder I am suffering from for years, and when I had a therapist years back, she never diagnosed me either. I’ve been able to manage it thoroughly and in a healthy manner, but I want to have an official diagnosis (or a predicted diagnosis) in order to finally replace “I have an anxiety disorder”with “I have _____”.

My symptoms are very aligned to that of panic disorder. I experience random and unpredictable episodes of panic, sweating, an accelerated heart rate, feelings of choking, feeling dizzy, strong nausea, and fear of losing control. I used to fear having another panic attack (because I thought that would be the end of me for sure), but I learned to overcome that a while ago. I sometimes avoid situations (like heights or the theatres) that I’ve experienced panic attacks in before, but I can eventually fight through it.

This is where it gets interesting: my panic attacks are caused by completely irrational thoughts. I can get unleashed into a panic attack if I randomly start thinking about (bear with me here) the sky. Why? I fear that the whole world will flip over and that we’l all fall into space. No, I’m not kidding, but unfortunately, these thoughts can bring me into a state of panic. When I’m feeling calm or recovered from a panic attack, though, those thoughts are extraordinarily fascinating to me and I like to think about them. I also experience a panic attack when I think about the world being in constant motion, as I’m terrified gravity will malfunction and we’ll all be launched around. There will be times where I’m sitting in a classroom and I get an urge to stand up and leave. Because I know that it’s obviously inappropriate, I don’t do it, and I get unleashed into a state of panic.

Sometimes, I like to think that some thoughts serve as obsessions, except there are no compulsions. These thoughts get stuck in my mind, and I can’t stop thinking about them. As far as I’m concerned, I have not met a single person with panic disorder or any other anxiety disorder that experiences similar distressing thought patterns to my own. To me, my own situation is incredibly bizarre (and hilarious when I think about what’s actually driving my anxiety). What anxiety disorder do I have?

I’m sorry. It would be unethical for me to provide a diagnosis on the basis of a letter. Please consider going back to your therapist to talk about your concerns. If she submitted a bill to an insurance company, she most likely had to assign a diagnosis.

Please bear in mind that any diagnosis is only helpful if it informs treatment. It is not intended to label you. What you are describing may be the product of a very active and creative imagination and not necessarily a mental illness. It would probably be helpful for you to describe your thoughts and reactions to your therapist for a closer analysis to determine whether or not it is a psychological problem.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Separation Anxiety Disorder

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m 18 years old and I was home schooled until my sophomore year in high school. When I was in second grade my parents had to pull me out of school and home school me because I would throw up everyday before school and I would cry because I didn’t want to leave my mom. I would continually have nightmares that I would get kidnapped and so I slept every night in my moms bed until age 11. Once I was in high school my problem seemed to go away and I figured it was just me being a little kid. I remained fine until my senior year. I met a boy and we began dating. I didn’t really care that much about the relationship in the beginning and everything was fine. One night we went to a party and I had a psychological reaction to a synthetic drug. I went to the hospital and they let me go thinking I was physically ok. After that night my “fear” came back slowly. I started wanting to be around him all the time and wanting to spend the night at his house or having him come to my house. After we graduated we attended schools in the same town. I got an apartment with some of my friends I told everyone it was time for me to branch out, but the real reason was just so I could be closer to his dorm. I thought that would be enough but then I started wanting him to stay over all the time and I didn’t want him to go. And when he would say it was time for him to leave I would start sobbing and throwing up or shacking. I would do anything to make him stay there with me. He now lives with me and its still getting worse. It doesn’t seem to stop ever. If he talks about possibly going out of town for the weekend I freak out. If I don’t know where he is or he doesn’t answer my calls I get so scared and I begin to feel sick. I literally can’t stand this feeling, but I don’t know what I should do or how I can change this? Please help me.

You refer to this problem as separation anxiety disorder but a more accurate diagnosis may be dependent personality disorder. In order to determine what disorder, if any, you have, it would be best to consult a mental health professional who could interview you in person and gather a detailed biopsychosocial history of your life.

As you have described this problem, it is significantly hindering your life. It seems as though you struggle to have the confidence to be an independent person. Fortunately, you recognize that a problem exists and are willing to seek help. The prognosis for such an open-minded individual who is receptive to treatment is excellent.

Many people your age struggle with developing their identities and gaining their independence. You might struggle with this issue moreso than the average individual but it is still a correctable problem.

You also mentioned that you had a reaction to taking a “synthetic” drug. You did not detail that situation any further but that experience may have had a negative impact on your psychological state of mind.

My recommendation is to receive counseling. A mental health professional could assist you in addressing this problem. It is important to seek help sooner rather than later. The main reason is because this problem is interfering with many aspects of your life and if left untreated would likely continue. The find help tab, at the top of this page, could help you to locate a mental health professional in your community. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Viewing a Specific Person As Contaminated

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have become rather troubled with my inability not to see my father as “contaminated”, for lack of a better term. I can’t prepare my meals when he is in the kitchen or drink beverages he stands near for fear he’s breathed near them. I can recall not being able to eat any food he even stood near from adolescence, which meant left-overs or seconds were a no. I can’t enter a room he’s been in without spraying an air freshener and I’ve not sat upon the couch for this very same reason. The thought of using the same utensils, regardless of how thoroughly it’s been washed, is absolutely revolting. If I know he’s used it, I cannot. I feel bad, as it must be heartbreaking for your own child to treat you like some sort of plague-victim, but I can’t help it. I have an extreme dislike of human smell, breath, saliva, and mouths in general-I can’t even watch scenes which incorporate close ups without feeling the need to not breathe or expel the air (exhale forcefully) contaminated by the screen-but it is at its extreme with him. I know it probably has something to do with our rather rocky relationship and the fact that, having grown up around him, I’m privy to his poor hygiene practices. As I’ve stated prior, I’ve felt this way from early adolescence, so perhaps these aspects aggravated an already-existent, admittedly irrational, hatred of the human mouth. I know he gets offended, as he should, but I can’t help it. What on earth should I do? Is there any way I can wean myself off of these irrational precautions without making myself overly uncomfortable? Thank you in advance.

You asked if there was any way to wean yourself from your irrational precautions without making yourself overly uncomfortable. The answer is no. That’s precisely why you engage in these precautions, to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

Something about your father, makes you feel very uncomfortable which is why you react the way you do. You engage in these rituals as a way to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Changing your behavior toward your father will be very uncomfortable at first. Eventually it won’t but in order to change you will have to tolerate being uncomfortable.

Some anxiety disorders, develop because people are not willing to tolerate unpleasant feelings. It’s a form of avoidance. They engage in behaviors that bring them comfort but ultimately they can become trapped into performing unnecessary rituals that do more harm than good.

It was the opinion of M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled, that when it comes to problems, most people will do virtually anything to avoid dealing with them. He said that we attempt to avoid them rather than suffer through them. It was his contention that “this tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness…” He quotes the famous psychiatrist, Dr. Carl Jung, who said that “neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.”

You should deal with this problem, head on, in therapy. It would help you make changes to your behavior as well as correct your irrational thoughts. It could be instrumental in bringing about the change you seek. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Urge For Suicide And Suicidal Images And Thoughts

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I I am from Korea, Seoul and I have been on medication for my psychological reasons. I tried to suicide less than twice and I have been always the one who has a lot of suicidal tendencies. However, my only brother did it last year. Sometimes when I think about past with him, I can’t help myself from the urge to kill myself. Even now, the only reason I am alive is because of rest of my family. my sister and mom saw him and I saw only pictures from detective office. It looked painful and I can’t forget his purple fists.

I gotta live only for my family because I don’t want to give the pain as we got from my brother. I got diagnosed to have Bipolar I, depression, ADHD, anxiety disorder. and recently I think I might have border line of schizophrenia due to my thought, images, and also the way how I understand whatever other people say.

I really need your help so that I can be alive for my rest of family. is there any way for you to give me any advice?

I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I can imagine how difficult this time in your life has been for you. The fact that you have attempted suicide, are currently considering it and have a family history of suicide, is concerning. Those variables put you at risk for suicide.

You stated that you are taking medication for psychological reasons but you did not mention counseling. Medication alone is often not enough to treat psychological problems. Counseling is an important aspect of treatment. Counseling could also greatly assist you in appropriately grieving the loss of your brother.

Studies of suicide survivors have shown that the decision to end their lives was not well-planned. Those decisions were often made impulsively. If you feel that you might harm yourself, it is imperative that you go to a hospital. The hospital can protect you from making an impulsive decision.

Suicide survivor research also has shown that the majority of individuals who had survived their suicide attempt, never truly wanted to die. They were thankful to have survived. Those individuals were suffering and they often lacked the necessary coping skills to deal with difficult life situations. I believe, at least in part, this is the case with you.

It is important that you talk to your parents about getting into counseling. You should also consider joining a suicide survivors support group. Go by yourself, attend group meetings with your family or do both. Survivor groups can be tremendously helpful. Here is a link to a website where you can find a list of support groups in your community. Here is an additional link to a resource page where you can find related websites.

It is imperative that you speak to your parents or to your prescribing physician about your suicidal thoughts. If you feel that you can’t protect yourself, then you must go to the hospital or call 911. The phone number to the suicide helpline is 800-273-8255. Do not hesitate to call if you are feeling overwhelmed.

Help is available. Please be willing to accept it. If not for yourself, do it in honor of your brother and for the sake of your family who would be immensely devastated by the loss of another beloved family member. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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What Is Wrong with Me?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have been experiencing alot things in my life that are negative.. like i use to be a person who was down to earth and fun to be around with but all of that has changed.. i have only one best friend but i dont want to drag her down with this problem i have.. I get very nervous and i sweat alot when i am around alot of ppl and i tend to feel dizzy and not able to be myself. I have been really quiet lately and have declined alot of hangouts with my friends and have been staying at home. I usually get a feeling of emptiness inside of me everyday.. and i would sometimes think alot and my mind would go crazy.. i cant focus, i work fulltime in the summer to keep me busy.. i feel paranoid and ppl always talk crud about me behind my back or make fun of me.. i think i have low self esteem and confidence, and few times in life where i wanted to attempt suicide but didnt go through with it cuz it would be a coward move.. i just want to know whats wrong with me so i can pull my life back together, i was never like this before its like my life turned upside down. I admit its been a year since my last relationship and things that go on with my friends nowadays make me not trust anyone too.. srry for my bad grammer.

PLZ help!!

It is difficult to determine with certainty what diagnosis you have. My limited assessment of your situation is that you have symptoms of anxiety and depression. On some occasions you feel very nervous, begin to sweat and experience dizziness. You might have experienced a panic attack. Generally speaking, these symptoms are consistent with an anxiety disorder and possibly, panic disorder.

In an effort to escape feeling anxious, you avoid interacting with others. This is a mistake. That may seem counterintuitive but the avoidance of anxiety-producing situations will ultimately increase your anxiety. Combating anxiety requires that individuals force themselves to endure it and not avoid situations in which it might arise. I understand this might be hard but it is the most effective approach to eliminating anxiety.

Your symptoms of depression include: feeling of emptiness, inability to focus, low self-esteem and confidence, and a history of a suicide attempt. Anytime an individual gets to the point where they have contemplated suicide, it is a very serious matter. You should strongly consider treatment.

I would encourage you to have a psychiatric evaluation. It could help to determine if you have a diagnosable disorder. In addition, you should consider psychotherapy or medication. These issues might be difficult to solve on your own and may require the assistance of a trained mental health professional. Click the find help tab at the top of this page to help locate a mental health professional in your community.

I hope this answer helps you to better understand what may be wrong. I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Can’t Pay Attention

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I sit in class, cant exactly focus and I don’t seem to be able to understand what i am a supposed to be learning. I sit there and all i can think about is when i am ever going to use this later in life. I am also one of the intellectually smartest people i know. I can process a million things in my head at once but can’t seem to put them on paper, (Which is why i got a zero on the last test, even though i had every question right) Is there anything that can help this? I also can’t ever seem to sit still unless i am very sleepy. always tapping my feet. I don’t remember things unless they seem interesting to me despite how hard i try, in algebra i don’t remember the steps to do a problem, but i get them right anyway. And sometimes when i am answering questions, like i said i cant seem to spit the idea out of my mouth or write it down. Most of these only occur in math classes, when you have to take multiple steps to solve something, not in any other because there is only one way to get the answer, (World Geo, Chemistry, English) Is all about memorization, I do not struggle whatsoever in those classes. I would rather take one test to sum up all of school instead of learning at such a slow pace. IE Homeschooling or Online Courses. If any of you are online, just wondering if there is anything wrong with this 🙂

It’s really hard for me to help you with a problem like this since I can’t sit down and really, really get to know you. There are a number of possibilities, of course. You may be very, very smart but still have a learning disability. You may have ADHD – which makes it hard to stay focused or to sit still. You might have an anxiety disorder. Or you might simply be mega-bored!

I think the thing to do is to ask to see the school psychologist if there is one. School psychologists are trained to do testing that helps determine how a person learns. If the school doesn’t have a professional on staff, you might ask your parents if they would help you find a psychologist to figure this all out. It’s important. Your high school years are ahead. With new information, the school could give you needed supports, or change your placement, or give you new options, etc. so that you can take full advantage of your classes.

What I would hate to see happen is for you to continue being as disengaged and discouraged as you are right now. If that keeps up, you’re going to be wasting the next four years instead of stretching that brain of yours.

I’m impressed that you wrote to us instead of just shutting down and doodling or something through the rest of the year. Follow up now and ask for the help you need to make your high school years all they can be – both academically and socially.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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