Tag:

Attention Deficit Disorder

Was I molested?

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP June 13th, 2023

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dear Therapist –I am a 27-year-old man who does not know if I was molested at 14/15/16 years old…?

I excelled in sports to the highest degree and subsequently spend MANY hours in the gym and showering afterwards where all the males could see each other in our birthday clothes. I had my first ejaculation experience in the gym showers via self-masturbation. My father was totally absent in my life and home was not a fun place to spend time. My mother suffers from chronic depression but sought help and is doing great.

Anyway I stopped all sports activities at 16 and started working in restaurants 7 days a week even though there was no need. (My father is a nuclear physicist so money was no issue). I did not enjoy any school activities and never went to school. I passed though, even went to university to study law, but like all things in life I left after a while.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, attention deficit disorder and anxiety/depression.

Getting back to the gym showers. I frequently masturbated in the showers and other men would become aroused and we would masturbate together. I even met some of these married men afterwards in some parking lot and we would fondle each other until climax. I am not gay. I would throw up if a man kisses me. I definitely do not want to be in a loving relationship with a man. I love my wife very much and we have a great sex life.
I am wondering if these gym experiences can be seen as molestation and why I sometimes go on the Internet to view naked teenage boys and subsequently get aroused?

I am a very health conscious, good hearted person and do want to get tools to handle my situation and WANT TO PREVENT MYSELF FROM MAYBE ONEDAY FONDLING A TEENAGE BOY. I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF.
Kind Regards

I am sorry you are upset by these feelings and memories. While there is no easy way to sort through the myriad of feelings you are having, with my response I would like to offer some suggestions.

First, the very fact that you do not feel okay about how you are feeling, and that you are seeking help for it bodes very well for you. The dissatisfaction and looking for help are indicators that it is time for a shift to take place. It is often that our discomfort sets the path for our healing. I believe this is likely in your case.

The fact that you can feel arousal with other men and your wife, and that this is distressing to you, is enough to consider beginning therapy to explore the origin of the distress. The fact that you are concerned about acting out with a teenage boy suggests that working on this now in therapy is important. You want to deal with these feelings sooner rather than later. Sexuality doesn’t always fit into categories and labels that are a definitive identity. What you can bring to therapy is the contradictions in your behaviors and feelings, and your concerns about boundaries. In this fashion you and a trusted therapist will be able to sort through the dynamics of your past, and ways to manage yourself. The find help tab at the top of the page can point you in the direction of a therapist in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

June 13, 2023 0 comment

I Have Visions & Daydreams of Killing People

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW December 12th, 2021

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have no idea if this is normal or not, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it in real life if it wasn’t normal, because then they’d probably just think that I was crazy or something (maybe I am, I don’t know). I have a tendency to want to kill people and I feel addicted to the sight of blood. I get these visions where I cut peoples throats, rip their heads off, strangle them, etc. and if I feel like I’m losing control I often have to find a spot as soon as possible where I can be alone and then I’ll watch people die on the internet and I always go for the most brutal torture blood red ones I can find, but I’m running out of good videos to be honest.

Back to the visions: I get them whenever I’m annoyed at someone or if I get anxious (note: I have always hated people and I never saw at them as other than “useless things”). The person I get most annoyed/angry at is my mom and first of all, I don’t feel any sympathy or empathy towards anyone, second is that I get these visions and third is that lately I don’t feel like I have any control at all of my movements so there’s something in me that knows that I might one day actually kill her. It’s not because I don’t want to because the desire is very strong and I think the only thing stopping me is the thought of going to jail or a mental hospital.

I’m getting tested for Social Anxiety Disorder and Attention Deficit Disorder this year and I see myself as a masochist and a sadist, if that helps.

Other than that I would really like a response to this and if there’s any mental disorder that fits then I would really like to hear about it. I really feel like I need some sort of diagnosis and explanation for all of this because I’m kinda falling into pieces here.

It’s encouraging that you’re seeking help. Your awareness and openness to treatment significantly increases the likelihood of a positive outcome. You are doing the right thing by choosing treatment.

Your concerns are warranted. It’s worrisome that you feel out of control. Murder fantasies might function as mental preparation for future behavior. In other words, they might be a form of premeditation. They need to be addressed and extinguished. These issues can be effectively addressed in counseling.

You mentioned not wanting to reveal your fantasies because of your fear of judgment. Counselors will not judge you. They understand this type of thinking. They will gather information about the problem, determine a diagnosis, if one is appropriate, and design a treatment plan. They want to help you.

I have read the biographies of many people who have committed murder. It is common for them to have fantasies of murder, to view violent media and to feel out of control. It is my sincere belief that had they sought mental health treatment many of them would have never killed. With treatment you can gain control of your behavior. Without treatment, you might act on your fantasies. If so, you would likely be sent to prison for life or executed for your crimes. If you want to avoid those outcomes, then you must seek help as soon as possible. Treatment could save your life. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

December 12, 2021 0 comment

I Feel Like I’m Going Crazy

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker November 10th, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a California teen: Ever since about 4 months ago I have lived through the worse time of my life.(prior to that when I was around 14 I started going through a depression which has lasted 3 years until now.) I started having intrusive thoughts when i was out drunk and possibly high (can’t remember) with friends, basically i was scared some neighbor was going to come out and kill me and my friends because we were ding dong ditching his house and i just started having horrible thoughts of what it would be like to kill someone. These thoughts would not go away and by the end of the night i assumed something was wrong with me i was scared i would turn into a murderer.

Since then I cut out all alcohol and other drugs from my life (didnt know about ocd yet) thinking they were the problem and it didn’t really do anything… until in January i spent the weekend up in the snow with some friends and we all smoked marijuana and i kind of had a nice time, but when i got back home all of a sudden my depression and anxiety was gone. For one week I was the happiest i’ve ever been in my life, and the strange part is that I was sick that week and lost my voice. I also think I may be gay and that week I figured I was straight and was ok with getting with girls (which leads me to believe me losing my voice made me feel better because I have always been self conscious about it) I started being myself and even got along with my group of friends i usually don’t really like that much, and i figured all my previous problems were just me finding myself and growing up.

Then i got drunk and high the friday of that week thinking I was finally ok and these things wouldn’t affect me and ever since then i have been in an even worse depression. It has been about a month now and I completely cut out all alcohol, marijuana, even caffeine as of now, and started exercising everyday and nothing has changed for the better. I don’t like hanging out with people anymore and sit at home on the weekend when i used to be extremely popular at parties and I don’t know if its just me growing up or if i’ve developed some serious disorder…

I also have always handled stress well but lately i’ve had to decide where to go to college and other stressful things and most of the time i just go to sleep with comforting thoughts of i would never wake up in this horrible world again. I have A.D.D. So sorry if this is a little messy I tend to get distracted and move on to point from point very easily… but any help would be appreciated. I simply do not know what to do and I fear that soon I will lose hope of happiness in life.

Looks to me like you’re a bit of a slow learner. Some people seem to be able to handle alcohol and drugs. You obviously can’t. Stop fooling around with substances that change you in negative ways and start looking for help in places that are helpful in positive ways.

Your default mode when stressed seems to be avoidance and depression. You need to develop some coping skills for handling stress and tough decisions. I strongly urge you to see a mental health professional, not because I think you have a mental illness but because counselors can help young people figure themselves out and can teach you now to manage your stress and the ADD that makes it hard for you to focus.

You’ve already taken the first important step by cutting out alcohol and drugs and starting to exercise. That’s great. It makes your mind available for what a counselor can tell you. Now, please, take the next step and get the help you need to become all you can be.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

November 10, 2021 0 comment

ADD or Simply Concentration Problem?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker June 3rd, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From India: I’m aged 24.

1) I have lot of problem in organizing & meeting datelines. If a task/exam is due a month/a week, i cant comprehend the meaning of scheduling or sticking to the schedule. i cant grasp the meaning & fulfillment of “completing”. Same for exam prep, which leads to chronic last moment rush. Wrapping up the final details of a project/anything seems impossible. Sometimes, I also switch from one activity to another without completing one.

2) in lectures/friend says something long & informative, i cant listen fully to the total version. Its “gapped” with several missing portions. when i read, sometimes i have to re-read 1 simple line many times.

3)i dont like & avoid to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort. I do for 2mins, then distracted, again do for 2 min, so on.

4)forgetfulness is moment to moment issue. i often have my hands, arms filled with scribbles to remind me of stuffs to buy/bring/do/appointments etc.

5) I am very very distracted by activity or noise around me.Cant focus at all with people around/talking.

6)i keep losing pen/ pencil when i sit to study. i also leave things behind, like umbrella/calculator/mobile in class.

7)I tend to fidget a lot even when talking to someone, and often speak fast so as not to forget or miss out any point.

Issues have been there from childhood.

Last few months, i tried taking this seriously, and changing myself,tried to set small goals,to “complete”, to organize, but i failed badly, no matter how hard i tried. This make me realize that these are intrinsic part of me, and has always been my defining points.

I’m NOT BAD in studies, I’m physics grad,and when it comes to understanding topics that interests me, i can concentrate better and i have high level of understanding (provided i’m studying alone at night when distraction is minimum).

Also, my long term memory is not as bad.

are these simply lack of mindfulness, procrastination, laziness and should i simply try to focus more or is it something more gross & points at ADHD/ADD?

i’m from rural India and though you can find few qualified depression therapist, but finding therapist with experience with ADD is rare. I’d be glad if you could tell me primarily which will help me take the next step.Thank you.

I doubt very much you are lazy or simply procrastinating. You do well in school in spite of a struggle to stay on task. Before deciding there are no therapists who can help, do talk to your school counselor or administrator to find out if they can refer you to a qualified counselor for an evaluation. You want to be sure to rule out depression before developing a self-help plan.

If the problem is ADD or ADHD, please take comfort in the fact that many, many brilliant people struggle with it. There is no magic formula or magic pill to deal with it. It takes determination. It takes being willing to learn how to work around it. But you can do it. Many of my most gifted students when I was teaching at University confided that they had ADD. But they learned to make it work for them.

If counselors are rare in your country, you will need to teach yourself. Do an internet search of “Working around ADHD”. I looked. There are a number of excellent articles online. In addition, search something like “Helping students with ADD”. There are a number of sites that provide teachers with ways to help their students. You can be your own “teacher” and use the tips you find on those sites.

You can also go to the “Find Help” tab on the LifeHelper homepage. Click on “Forums”. There you will find an online support group for those with ADHD.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

June 3, 2021 0 comment