Blessings Archives

Hi I am 20 years old and just recently moved to Chile with my mother after the separation with my step dad. I have always suffered from depression and have taken medication for it but it seems to never work. These past few years it seems that I have gotten worse. I am constantly down on myself never thinking I am good enough. I can’t even remember what it feels like to be happy. I get angry over what my mother tells me are small things but I tell her they aren’t small to me. I am always on a rollercoaster of emotions, I can be having a good time and the simplest thing will bring me down and I am upset the rest of the day.

I don’t have a home anymore and am staying with family and they are constantly taking my things and it makes me so angry and I just want to cry. Whenever I try to explain to my mom or anyone how I am feeling I start to cry. I have gotten to a point where I get so angry I don’t even scream anymore I am just silent and cry. I feel like I am filled with all these emotions all the time and I hate that I feel so sad and angry all the time but it seems like I can’t be happy.

It makes me feel like I am a burden on everyone and it would just be better if I was gone. Why am I this way? Why can’t I just be happy?

I am sorry this has become such a difficult time in your life. Depression is often activated when we feel we cannot control various aspects of our life, and gaining control of the areas we can is typically the key for feeling better.

There are several things we can do to combat depression that I have identified elsewhere. I will encourage you to read through these as a foundation for change.

In a nutshell, some strategies listed in this article include:

“Positive psychology – strategies designed to shift your thoughts and feelings toward a more positive framework. This isn’t a simplistic “think-happy-thoughts” approach, but rather a focused effort at cognitive restructuring of your thought process. The strongest combination to approach depression is therapy combined with an antidepressant. If you do not want to take an antidepressant there are several homeopathic or herbal alternatives that may be helpful. You may want to consider group therapy as a means of supplementing your individual therapy. Group therapy is different in that there is an interactive feature that can’t be duplicated in individual therapy, and it often provides a vehicle for support as you begin to make changes in your life. Your therapist may know someone he or she can refer you to in your area. Meditation – learning how to self-soothe your emotional turmoil is perhaps the most important skill you can learn. Aerobic exercise – the value of exercise in combating depression is very well documented and this is particularly true for any exercise involving aerobic displacement. Review your diet – our emotional life often changes our craving for various foods, which may not have the best impact on our biochemistry.”

The short answer is that coping with a depression is like walking up a down escalator and we must find the tools and the strength to deal with changing our thoughts and attitude as a way of neutralizing and overcoming these feelings. In particular I would encourage the use of the technique called the “Three Blessings” because it can be used as a direct way to start changing your thoughts.

I would encourage you to seek counseling now to develop a support system in your new location. The find help tab may be helpful as international links are included.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

I was Adopted at Birth, my step mom died at 9 and my step father drank himself to death when I was 13, I lived on the street for 7 months as a runaway from a foster care center in Chicago working 8 hours a day on newspaper trucks being paid $3.00 a day by the drivers, was arrested placed in a juvenile detention facility and then as a ward of the State of Illinois they had me committed to the Chicago State Hospital where I spent 4 months on the Mens Recieving unit at age 14 before being transferred to a to an adolescent unit CW 10, left the State Hospital at 16 hitch hiked around the country for two years staying at missions and working day labor joined the military where I served on Submarines, got out got Married had 3 children got divorced when they were little, I am now 57 years old with an 8th grade education and am home bound with congestive heart failure and emphysema, My twins just returned from Afghanistan all 3 of my kids are in the Army, my whole life seems to be replaying itself in my mind, and it does not make any sense it just seems so unbeliveable that anyone would have to go thru what I went thru, I am a very strong person but I need to come to terms with this, because thinking about it makes me angry !

Nothing can change the past. It will always be a part of your life. It is important to view your current life in a realistic perspective. Famous psychologist Abraham Maslow says that “getting used to our blessings is one of the most important non-evil generators of human evil, tragedy and suffering.”

You have suffered a great deal in your life but there are blessings that you are undervaluing. There is an old saying that may be instructive: “I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.” You mentioned that you have twins who have recently returned home from Afghanistan. In fact, all three of your children are home and safe. Many families have loved ones fighting in Afghanistan, who may never see their children again. The fact that your children went to war and survived is a blessing that cannot be overlooked or underappreciated. The fact that you have three children is a blessing. Were you not blessed to have survived the ugly, bitter events of your childhood?

Dwelling on the past might lead you to feel anger. Your anger is understandable but it is self-destructive. You were dealt a difficult hand in life but you have survived.

Counseling could be of great help at this time in your life. What has happened in your life can never be changed, but how you view it and respond to it certainly can be. Counseling can help you to accomplish both. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Blessings

Why can’t I just be happy?

Anger About a Terrible Life