Tag:

Brat

I Want Help — But I Don’t

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW February 4th, 2021

My now 22-year-old brother was diagnosed with Bipolar, Aspergers, ADD and OCD when I was 12. He’s always been verbally abusive and sometimes violent to me and my 19-year-old brother. He’s never seriously hurt us and he’s been medicated for years, but I’m still scared of him. I also get really frustrated about the special treatment he gets and how I always have to be the mature one, which then makes me feel guilty. Early on I tried to talk to my parents about how I felt, but my mom would either give me a “You have to understand” answer that made me feel like she hadn’t even listened or send me to my dad, and my dad would always turn the conversation into a lecture on all the bad things I’d done and how it was all really my fault.

My brother’s back in the hospital now, which is stressing me out and making all my feelings stronger and more confusing, and to make matters worse, my theatre class is creating a play set in a mental hospital. I’ve been feeling kind of depressed, not really caring about anything, and I want to try to get help, but my parents’ attitude has always been that since they’re stressed out about my brother and we (the other kids) haven’t been diagnosed with anything, then we have no problems. Between this and how they’ve reacted to personal conversations in the past I can’t bring myself to try to talk to them. I’ve thought about talking to a school guidance counselor, but they’ve never made me feel comfortable talking to them about anything non-school-related, and they’re never even available for that. I also have another problem with trying to get help, which is that I feel almost like I don’t deserve it. I’m afraid that anyone I talk to will think that I’m just a whiny little brat who needs to learn to deal with her own problems and get a sense of perspective, and that I’m wasting their time. There are so many people with worse problems than me, so why should I take up the time of one of the few people who can help them?

Unfortunately, your family is experiencing a difficult challenge. Understandably, your parents have a heavy load. They are struggling to help your brother and as a result, though not intentionally, they are not meeting your needs.

You mention that there are many people who are experiencing things that are worse than your situation and that may be the main reason why you feel unworthy of help. Many people experiencing your predicament would feel the same way but anyone in pain deserves help. You needs are not being met because the family situation is difficult. Everyone is being negatively affected.

Please know that you are deserving of help. You have the right and the obligation to ask for help. If your parents cannot see that you need help, then try to make them aware. I understand your reluctance to speak to the guidance counselor but it would be a step in the right direction. Inform him or her about your situation. Express your concerns and perhaps he or she could convince your parents that you need help.

Another option is to discuss your concerns with a trusted family member or family friend who may be willing to speak to your parents for you. You could also show your parents your letter to me and my response. The fact that you took the time to write to a mental health professional may help your parents realize just how much this situation is affecting you. I wish you well. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

February 4, 2021 0 comment

Don’t Know What I’m Dealing With Crying

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 31st, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have never seen a psychologist or a anything: I have been recently dealing with weird behavior. I have been starting fights with the people I love the most to get them mad at me and then make them say something to hurt me and then I cry, but when I cry it makes me feel better or I have to cry in order to not be mad anymore. I have also been getting angry over small issues that should have little effect on me….but lately its been having huge effects on me. I get irritated by the smallest things..and if I don’t get my way I take it out on someone else. It may sound like I’m a brat,but I feel that’s not the case because i have never experienced feelings and behaviors like this. Could it be the birth control I started about 6 or 7 months ago? I don’t know why i am acting this way all of a sudden.

Birth control medication may explain your change in mood but there may be other reasons. If I were interviewing you in person, I would explore other areas of your life to determine a possible cause. For instance, has there been a recent significant event or change in your life? Have you recently experienced a loss? Did you recently start a new job? Do you use drugs or alcohol? Are you taking any other prescription medication? Have your sleeping patterns changed? Try to think about and perhaps make a list of any changes in your life in the past several months, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Creating this list may help you uncover a possible explanation.

Journaling about your mood swings may also help. Document each time a mood change occurs. Think about what happened prior to and after the event. Write down every detail. Over time, a pattern may emerge. For instance, you might notice that after each incident you feel exhausted because you hadn’t slept well the night prior. In such a case, sleep deprivation may be part of the problem.

Most birth control medicines consist of two main hormones, estrogen and progestin, but there are many variations. Many women have less-than-ideal reactions to the introduction of hormone changes in the body. It is common for birth control medication to be adjusted, in some cases multiple times. I would suggest speaking to your doctor about your concerns. He or she may be able to make adjustments to the medication which could serve to improve your mood. In addition, it’s always important to report new changes or possible side effects about a medication to your prescribing physician.

I would also urge you to educate yourself about other types of birth control. Medications affect individuals differently. There’s a great deal of literature available about this topic and I would encourage you to read as much as you can.

I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

March 1, 2011 0 comment

Daydream Believer Girl

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP December 18th, 2019

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’m a 14 year old girl and I have a problem with daydreaming all day. It’s all the time I laugh out loud because of my daydreaming whatever I’m feeling. For example If I am at the grocery store and I see a cute guy I would imagine I was his girlfriend and we had the perfect relationship, BUT if a another girl went to him I would get so upset and I would HAVE to leave the store because of that.

So it was like I would transfer this guy into my imagination world and keep thinking its real.

This started ever since my parents got back together after being separated for 6-7 years I don’t even remember my DAD he was gone for so long. It was horrible he would yell at us and she would take his side, they would make me take sides in their fights, they would call me a brat, so much. Its like this guy took away my sweet mother…and I was all-alone no friends to talk to, homeschooled, trapped in my bedroom while they had their drama and that’s when I started to daydream. My daydreams are full older men like 20’s to 50’s usually pampering me, telling me I’m beautiful, we would have sex like a lot its like they “wanted me” or “enjoyed me” things from action movies to make it more exciting or friends I talked to I saw some faces from the TV and made them up. But that interferes work, concentration, social life and I don’t even want to stop. The time my parents where fighting I was ether on the computer trying to block the screaming from them or daydreaming about getting spoiled by these men all I wanted. So after 3 years of that they divorced and it stopped, but when I try to say how it affected me they seem “blank” like they spilled a drink on me. I wanted more of a reaction.

So I started to abuse myself emotionally like being very hard on myself, reminding myself of the past hoping that I could breakdown in front of them. I don’t want to die or cut myself just be sent to a hospital and have pity from everyone. And then I think my parents would TAKE ME SERIOUSLY I never sent myself to the hospital BUT I started daydreaming situations where I have a dramatic breakdown or take my moms pills, go get sick, and go to the hospital and my parents are crying for me on my bed side. NOW my parents are friends and threes no fighting or drama. But there are times where I fight with my parents about something silly or even disagree I feel so ANGRY I have to do something like harm myself in front of her and I do it in my daydreams. But now my daydreaming is getting out of hand I know the difference between real and imagination but my emotions don’t. I told my counselor this and she said I have some anxiety from being left alone and PTSD from the fighting. I THINK I may have maladaptive daydreaming maybe anger issues.

I’m not really sure how to handle this I’m kind of disturbed by my daydreaming its starting to effect my thinking 🙁

Fantasy helps us when reality isn’t giving us what we want. But I think you are right that the daydreaming has taken on more of a role in your life than you are comfortable with. I am glad you took the time to write us. You list your age as 14, and there has been a good deal of turmoil in your life already. I think talking to your counselor about the daydreaming s a good place to start. It sounds like she has framed what you are experiencing along the right lines. I would keep talking with her about how pervasive the daydreams have become.

Counselors are typically very good at helping students deal with distractions in their life so they can better focus on their studies. I don’t think there is any mystery to the fact that you dream about older men caring for you. Your father went away during a time in your life when you wanted and needed love from him. When reality doesn’t give us what we want—a daydream tries to fill the gap.

I would try to broaden your circle of friends and start looking for those people who make you feel good about yourself when you are around them.

Your insight about the anger, self-harm and trauma sounds like you are ready for healthy changes to take place. I think these are excellent insights, and my hope is you will continue talking with your counselor. Between the counseling and expanding your circle of friends, you can begin to bring about the changes you want.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

February 4, 2011 0 comment