Tag:

Cleanliness

I Can’t Get My Dad to Listen to Me

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP September 6, 2024

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My Dad and I usually get on quite well. We have a lot in common, but whenever he cooks or cleans he doesn’t do the job properly. For instance, he won’t wash his hands before cooking or clean the sides down properly. I’m generally not that bothered by germs but everyone knows the basics of hygiene in the kitchen. I try to tell him that he should wash his hands, but he just get annoyed, and makes some excuse like he’s ‘thinking about other things’. 9 times out of 10 he doesn’t do the washing up properly either eg. there will still be oil on the frying pan. So when I try to do it or I tell him that it’s unclean he just gets irritated and says “your being rather annoying now” when I’m just trying to makes sure my sister and I get a healthy meal in a clean kitchen. My mum usually makes sure that the kitchen and everything else is clean but she’s away seeing her parents because my grandma’s going into surgery soon. Now my dad’s left with us he just seems incapable of doing even basic chores. I can’t keep pestering him but he doesn’t learn. It could be that he listens to my mum or that she does it usually and dad hasn’t had to do the washing up more than once every few days. I think it’s a bit of both.

I don’t know what to so because I try to help and do things so my dad doesn’t have to because it must be stressful for him with mum away but I can’t do everything. I’m just trying to look after my sister and making sure both her, me and my dad have a nice clean house to live in. The worst thing would be that my mum comes home to a bomb site of a house with plate piled up from dinner two nights ago. I just feel like it’s my responsibility to look after my family while mum’s away but I can’t seem to get through to my dad. What do you think the problem is and what should I do? Thanks (From London)

It isn’t your responsibility to look after the whole family while your mom’s away. Everyone needs to do their part — and it sounds like you are acting more like a mom than a daughter with your father. I would ask how you can help him rather than only try to help on your own. At dinner time you might be better able to influence if you did it by example rather than telling him what to do. Ask how you can help and wash your hands as you invite your dad to do so as well. Everyone is under stress while your mom is gone — don’t feel you have to answer for everyone and everything — just do your part.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

September 6, 2024 0 comments

I Feel Like My Parents Don’t Love Me

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW February 8, 2023

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’ve had depression since I was very young but was officially diagnosed when I was 16. For as long as I can remember my parents have always fought with one another about every subject imaginable. For example, what to eat for dinner; my grades; my weight; money; or even the cleanliness of the carpet. Their fighting makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

I have a closer relationship with my mom, but I still feel like she is dissatisfied with me. The only time she tells me how she feels is when she’s over the top mad and yells at me. Most of the time when she’s mad she completely ignores me and walks around with a smile on her face.

Most recently I got a tattoo on my leg using my money of a sport that I am very passionate about. My mom doesn’t like tattoos and obviously doesn’t like it. I can’t tell my dad about it because he would straight out tell me that I was stupid to get it and that it is a stupid tattoo. I have three other tattoos that they know about. So for the past week I’ve been walking around with a bandage over it so my mom doesn’t have to look at it and my dad doesn’t see it.

I feel like I can’t be myself. I feel incredibly lonely. I’m uncomfortable at home when my parents are there, and when they are there I feel like I have to walk on egg shells to keep them from fighting or getting mad at me.

I used to see a therapist specializing in teenage anxiety and depression, but I became well enough to stop receiving treatment. I don’t know how to tell my parents how unhappy I am and that I am planning on not moving home next summer just to escape the emotional roller coaster that is my house.

It makes sense that you do not want to be in the presence of your parents. As you said, their fighting makes you feel uncomfortable. Most people would feel the way you do. No one wants to be in the presence of continuous arguing. It’s very unpleasant.

What is less clear is why you feel as though your parents don’t love you. Are you blaming yourself for their fights? Perhaps you believe that if they loved you, they would not fight. Try not to take their arguing personally. In all likelihood, it has more to do with their dissatisfaction with each another than to do with their love for you.

I would encourage you to tell your parents how you feel. It is important to be honest and to voice your opinion. Their continuous arguments are negatively affecting your life and they need to be made aware of this fact. They likely are unaware of how their behavior is affecting you. If you have difficulty speaking to them in person about these issues, then consider writing them a letter. Sometimes people feel more comfortable writing about their feelings than they do stating them in person.

You might also benefit from returning to therapy, at least for a few sessions. It seems as though you could use the support of a therapist at this time. The therapist could also provide guidance with regard to how to approach your parents, how to better understand this situation and how to adjust your feelings accordingly. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

February 8, 2023 0 comments

Do I Have Adult ADD?

by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW February 24, 2011

written by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW

I’m a student receiving my Masters degree. Within the past two years I’ve felt my body and mind change significantly in many ways. I feel extremely anxious when doing tasks (even small ones like packing/unpacking a suitcase). This is the same with grocery shopping or attempting my homework. I then push everything aside and get nothing done. My habits of cleanliness such as my apartment have declined because I refuse to motivate myself to clean. I’ll find myself in the kitchen then in the bedroom for some reason the randomly in the bathroom, ultimately accomplishing nothing. I get distracted by TV a lot and it impedes my homework. I also feel pressured on what to do when I finish my masters and feel like I’m too lackadaisical to even search for jobs. My relationship with my boyfriend is also affected by this in that I’ll freak out on him, refuse sex, and find him at the mercy of which high or low I’ll be on. I’ll also find myself drinking and smoking cigarettes more often to avoid doing work or tasks. I feel like I have adult ADD due to these symptoms and have spoken with my mother, who revealed she believes she has it as well but was never properly diagnosed. I would like to know what to do and what would happen if I see a psychiatrist.

Next time you talk with your mom ask her if she recalls you having similar attention problems in elementary school. While your symptoms do sound a lot like adult ADD, it’s important to determine whether you experienced these symptoms during childhood or whether they are new. If all of your symptoms are recent, it’s very unlikely that you have ADD. If they’ve been going on for years, it’s more likely that you have have ADD.

There are other possible explanations for your recent changes in your behavior and emotions. Depression or anxiety disorders often emerge in young adulthood and symptoms are similar to what you’re describing – difficulty concentrating, irritability, lack of motivation. ADD is often associated with other mental health conditions as well, so there may be a combination of issues that you’re struggling with.

Your idea about getting an evaluation by a psychiatrist is right on target! An evaluation will provide a clear diagnosis and suggest course of treatment to help you manage your symptoms. Your doctor will likely recommend medication or psychotherapy, or a combination of both.

If you’ve never had a psychiatric or mental health evaluation, it’s natural to be a little nervous because you have no idea what to expect. When you set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, he or she might give you some questionnaires to fill out before the appointment. During your appointment he or she will perform an in-depth interview with you. Medical or psychological testing may also be recommended. In addition to your evaluation and psychotherapy, you and your boyfriend may want to consider couples counseling to help repair any damage to your relationship.

You are in a stressful time of life full of transitions and important decisions – graduate school, serious relationships, career choices. These can be exciting and incredibly stressful. Make sure you’re taking care of your basic needs by getting adequate sleep, eating well, and engaging in regular recreation and exercise. No matter what your diagnosis, all of these lifestyle choices will help you manage your symptoms and will contribute to your overall health and happiness.

Take good care of yourself.

Julie Hanks, LCSW

February 24, 2011 0 comments