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I love my ex-counsellor and miss her deeply

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker January 4th, 2020
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I had been seeing a counsellor for social anxiety who was on a placement at a practice that is local to me. One of the reasons that I feel anxious socially is because I feel that I don’t fit in. I am not attracted to girls the same age as me as they all seem to spend their time boozing and smoking on street corners and they dress as if they have no self-dignity, for example wearing mini-skirts that more closely resemble belts.

My counsellor wasn’t much older than me and she was so helpful, sweet, beautiful, feminine and I loved the way that she dressed. I also felt improvement week after week whilst seeing her. Because of these things I developed feelings for her and fell in love with her.

One day she told me that her placement was up and she could no longer see me. This news absolutely devastated me.

I have seen two counsellors since she left but I don’t feel the same changes being made that I did under her. I still see a counsellor and she is helping me but just not to the same extent that I felt under my previous counsellor.

In some ways it feels worse than losing somebody close to you to death because you usually have something to remember them by. If I had a photograph I would find things so much easier.

She has inspired me so much but I just wish that I could see her again…

It doesn’t surprise me that you developed such strong feelings for your counselor. Not only did she give you some good help but she closely matched the kind of woman you are looking for: intelligent, sympathetic, professional, adult. Ideally, you would have had time to work through your feelings for her while you were still working with her. That not being the case, the best compliment you can give her is to use all you learned.

It also doesn’t surprise me that you aren’t making changes at the same pace you did with your former counselor. The most change in therapy usually happens in the first few months. After that, it’s a slower, incremental process. You got that first burst of help with your first counselor. That doesn’t mean that she was better than the therapist you are now seeing, just that she was the one who launched you in your healing.

I encourage you to talk with your current counselor about how to meet women who are more compatible with your intelligence and maturity. I assure you, all women in their twenties are not party animals. Most are in fact getting on with adult life. That means they have started their careers, dress professionally, and are more interested in good conversation and sharing interesting activities than in drinking too much and flirting in a bar. Expand your world beyond the university. Volunteer at an organization that does good work or get a part-time job where there are people your age who are interested in the same things.

I’m very glad you had such a positive experience with your former counselor. Please take it as the gift it was and keep up the good work she helped you start. She did her job. Now it’s your turn to do yours.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Never Alone But Always Lonely

by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW March 28th, 2019
written by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW

(16 year old young woman in India) I am an intelligent girl. Always one of those A+ types. And like all geeky girls on the planet I have no friends. I do have these bunch of people I hang out with in school but we aren’t really true friends. Once when we had a talk with this career counselor our lunch period got missed. I was supposed to eat from the canteen that day. But since lunch was over the canteen got closed. And my so-called friends happily came to the place where I sit and had their lunch which they had brought from home without offering me a thing! I remained hungry throughout the day.

My parents are separated and like typical chauvinistic men my father can’t think beyond my brother. Whenever we meet he only talks about my brother and his future. My father didn’t even want me to be born!! He had tried to get my mom to abort me.

My mother has a very volatile nature. She screams and gets angry very easily and so I don’t prefer to talk to her about my feelings. Once when I had suggested that I go to a counselor she got very angry and started crying about how she had failed in bringing me up and that’s the only reason I wanted to see one. I haven’t mentioned it since then. She still treats me like I’m four. Whenever we go out she actually tells me not to spill food on my clothes. I had applied and got in with full scholarship to a summer school program in the UK. My mom didn’t let me go because she thought it wasn’t safe. I really wish to go to this school in my city which has advanced coursework and will help me go to a good college abroad but my mother knows that if I go there I will definitely get into a really good college in the UK or US. So, she refuses to send me there. She has instead sent me to this rubbish school, even though she can afford good schools, where textbooks have wrong stuff printed. She refuses to send me to hobby classes because she doesn’t like me going anywhere alone.

I am constantly criticized by my mother and grandmother. They say that I have a sickly frame and bad hair and look ugly most of the times. They can’t stop raving about my oh-so-pretty sister even though she sucks in studies. My brother bullies me and my grandmother turns a blind eye to it. He gets annoyed if I come to talk to him and uses abuses on me. He is the least bit concerned about his future and that worries me. I am not allowed to do anything in my house and I have no friends to talk to about my dreams.

Thank you for writing in for help.  It sounds like your friends and family don’t yet see you for the bright and wonderful young woman you are, and that they aren’t supporting you in the way that you need to feel supported. What’s remarkable is that even without a lot of support at home, you have been able to keep your dreams and aspirations for your future alive! Let’s work together to find someone who does. I am not familiar with counseling options in India but I can give you a few suggestions.

I’m so glad that you brought up seeing a counselor to your mother. Even though she made your request about her failings as a parent, I suggest that you ask her again and let her know it’s really important to you.  If she doesn’t respond to your request then I suggest you look into possible school or community resources for counseling. Does your school have a counselor that you could meet with or any kind of peer support groups? If not I suggest that you try online support groups. There are many groups in the LifeHelper.com Community.

It sounds like your mom is really scared to lose you, and that may be why she seems so protective of you. Fear is probably why she doesn’t want you to go away to school or to go somewhere unsafe. That is probably really hard for you because you are looking toward your future and wanting to continue to grow up, which means trying new things. I want to encourage you to continue to follow your educational and life dreams and do whatever you can to get a counselor to help you figure out how to make them happen.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks LCSW

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My Best Friend Is Suicidal

by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW October 21st, 2019
written by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW

My best friend is suicidal and I want to know if there is anything I can do to help her. She has already told her parents but they really aren’t doing anything to stop her. I have told a teacher at our school and the counselor but all they do is recommend seeing a psychiatrist. I am really worried about her she almost always has cuts all over her body arms, legs, and stomach. Her mother has been in and out of prison even before she was born. Her mother is also in right now and has been since she was 7. In the past few years she has had a lot happen, she lost her grandmother on her dad’s side two days before Christmas in 2008. Right after that she moved from a big house to a small one and in the process lost connection with her former best friend. Many of her animals outside died and she sat with one of her cats and had to watch it die after it got attacked by a dog. This past year she had her aunt on her dad’s side die and lost a lot of her friends. She also found out that her mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder by four different psychiatrists and borderline personality disorder by one or two. We were in seventh grade this year and for most of the second semester she was labeled a whore because of how she dresses and who hangs out with. This past summer is also when the cutting started it started off pretty bad but not frequent. It then went to minor burns and small scratches and then blew up again to bad cuts and they were very frequent. At the current moment she only has scars but is thinking about cutting herself again. I would just like an idea of what I could say to her to get her not to cut anymore. Thank you for taking the time to read this (and respond if you do).

First of all, your friend is lucky to have such a mature and concerned friend like you. For 13 years old, you are wise to get some advice on how to handle this serious situation. You mentioned that your friend is suicidal. Has she told you that she has plans to end her life or are you suspecting that she is suicidal because of her cutting behavior? Often intentional self-harm, or parasuicidal behavior, is a cry for help without an intention to die. The two are related but don’t necessarily go together.

Does your friend acknowledge that she needs help to address her cutting? If so, she may want to ask her parents to take her to their family doctor. Sometimes parents are more willing to take their child to get “medical” help than “mental” help. Also, have you talked to your parents or guardian about this situation and asked for their help and advice? It may be a good idea to sit down with your friend and both sets of parents and express your love and concern and see how you and your parents can support your friend.  Another possible resource is Childhelp national hotline. You can tell them about your concerns with your friend and they will identify resources in your area.

If your friend’s parents are fully aware that their daughter is cutting and in need of psychological intervention and they refuse to get their daughter the treatment she needs, then this may be a case of medical neglect requiring or your parents to report the situation to child protective services. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Thank you again for writing in to Ask the Therapist.

Take good care of yourself.

Julie Hanks, LCSW

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Do I Need To Be Concerned About Family Safety In Regards To My Bipolar Son-in-law?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW July 25th, 2019
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My son in law has Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome and after a period of remission he has gotten worse. He and my daughter live 2 hours away. I have noticed that my daughter seems more stressed and flat and she has seemed to have distanced herself from the family. I have asked her many time if there is a problem other than the vomiting disorder and she has said no. I visited her last weekend but was asked to stay at a motel. She came to visit me at my motel early one morning and told me the truth. Her husband has been diagnosed with bi polar disorder, she said he is a rapid cycler, has had psychotic episodes, hallucinations and black outs. He is very irriatble and verbally abusive to her. He has up till now now allowed her to tell anyone. As a result she is having panic attachs which her counselor said were PTSD. She said he also suffers from paranoia and extremely low self esteem. She said he has not gotten physically violent yet but she thought he was close at one point. They have 2 daughters 6 and 12. My daughter has had to explain to the older girl. My son in law is being treated but the drug that seemed to help affected his liver and he has trouble keeping drugs down because of the vomiting disorder. I have suspected hostile behavior on his part for over a year. After getting upset with me last year he walked out of the house, later that night I found that my car had been keyed. He owns many guns. My daughter has made me promise not to tell anyone. I am wondering if I need to be concerned about the safety of my daughter and granddaughters and if so, what would be the best way to deal with the situation.

Yes, I do believe that it is reasonable to be concerned about the safety of your daughter and your granddaughters. Your daughter reported that she is experiencing verbal abuse. She’s also very fearful of her husband. He has prohibited her from even speaking about his behavior and what goes on in the home.

Additionally, there are other concerning factors. These include the fact that he has a serious mental illness, which because of a health problem cannot be adequately medicated. This means that her husband is actively symptomatic. In addition, he is a “rapid cycler,” psychotic, easily agitated and irritable. He has a history of blackouts. These could be linked to his medical problems, psychosis or to his anger episodes. He also owns guns and has come close to physically harming your daughter. It is possible that he has already physically harmed your daughter but she is reluctant to tell you. Research has shown that family members are often the target in cases where violence occurs. Finally, while he has not physically harmed you, he has vandalized your vehicle. These are all major red flags associated with the potential for violence.

Simply having bipolar disorder does not make an individual more likely to be violent than an individual without bipolar disorder. What primarily increases the risk for violence is an untreated psychotic disorder.

Your next question is what should your daughter do about this situation. That is a difficult question to answer. Below I will list several suggestions.

You said she has a therapist. She should ask for his or her advice. If you believe that your daughter is less than forthcoming about this situation with her therapist, then call him or her and report what you know. The therapist, due to confidentiality laws, cannot reveal information about your daughter’s case to you but there is no law against you providing information to the therapist.

She could also do several other things. You mentioned that her husband is unable to digest or sufficiently consume his medication because of a medical problem. This tells me that he has a psychiatrist or has at least has been in recent contact with mental health professionals. Your daughter could report his behavior to his doctor or treatment team. They may be able to advise your daughter about how to handle this situation.

Other ideas include calling the police or mental health crisis team if his behavior is out of control. If he is actively psychotic and threatening her, he would likely be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Calling the police or the mental health crisis team can expedite the process of hospital admission.

The safest and most appropriate way to proceed, given the current circumstances, is for your daughter and your grandchildren to move out of the home until his symptoms are under control. Domestic violence shelters can provide a temporary safe house. It is a very volatile situation and your daughter and your grandchildren need to be protected.

My final recommendation is to review the Treatment Advocacy Center website. They provide information to family members dealing with psychiatric crisis situations. They also provide a great deal of other educational information that I believe you and your daughter would find relevant and beneficial.

I hope this helps. Please take care and don’t hesitate to write again if you have additional questions.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Heartbroken by his lies

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP August 27th, 2019
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Turns out my boyfriend of 2 years has pretty much lied about his whole identity. . .letters get sent to his house with a different surname to the one i knew him to have, i saw his drivers licence which displays a different year of birth to the one he told me was his, after a year and a half i had only met 2 family members of his and no friends, i found a separate facebook account of his to one i’m friends with (which includes his real full name) – but he doesn’t know i know about this! I found out he has a brother that he’s never mentioned! . . .For someone who claims to love me so much and claims he wants to be with me forever and having been so open with him and all he does is lie! . . .But i can’t get over it! I can’t stop wondering about if he would ever come clean, what more would i find? I love him with all my heart, before i started finding things out it was the perfect relationship, hundreds of times better then any relationship i’d had previously! But know the man i thought i loved, it’s all just been a lie, i’ve been loving a fake, how can i ever trust anyone if the person i trusted the most turned out to be a complete fraud???

What a difficult spot to be in! The lies are too many and too elaborate to ignore, so I think you’ll want to gather all you have and make an appointment with a couples counselor. (The “find help” tab at the top will guide you to someone in your area.)

I am going to recommend that you NOT discuss this with your boyfriend. I know the standard wisdom would be for the two of you to have an open and honest discussion. But your boyfriend has the capacity to lie and create false identities, all while professing his love. I’d want you be in front of a professional so he or she can be witness to his answers and your responses.

Make the appointment and explain to the counselor that you hope to be bringing your boyfriend, but that in any case you plan on coming in. Set the appointment for a time when he is free. I would not give him much lead time on this — no more than 24 hours. Explain to him you have a concern about the relationship that you wan’t a professional opinion on, and that you prefer he come with you, but you have made the appointment and are going. Tell him only that you do not feel comfortable talking about it alone with him.

Then go to the counselor, either with him or without, and explain your situation. The counselor will guide you from there. DON’T try to talk to him without a third party there. He has hidden much from you and proven to be a good manipulator. Stack the deck in your favor.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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Depression due to sexuality issues

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker November 19th, 2019
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Hello. I suffered from depression from January 2010 to January 2011. Honestly, I think I still suffer from it but, its harder to put a label on it ever since I quit counseling.
Now that I am going to start meeting with a new counselor, I need to know how or when to tell my new counselor about my sexuality issues. How do you tell someone something so
personal about your life? How do I open up about the issue?

I am a female who is attracted to other females, as well as men…the wierd thing is, I hate the idea of sex because ((I will never do this, nor have I ever done this)) but, in my head, sex and power and violation are always connected. Without that, sex is confusing to me. For me, it is always about power and control…it’s never been about intimacy. It makes me feel like a terrible person on the inside to think of sex in this way…….thats why I am depressed and also, because I am attracted to females and I live in a conservative Christian family and feel like a black sheep, like they would never understand or hear me, if I opened up about it. I hate feeling depressed about my sexuality but, its such a private and intimate topic to discuss in counseling and I wish to know how to articulate these same feelings to my new counselor so I can move forward and overcome my depression. I feel like I’m living a lie with my family, due to not sharing this intimate detail of my life with them. However, the helplessness I feel leads me to depression because I don’t feel as if there is any other choice?

You’ve written an articulate letter about a sensitive topic. I’m sure that there are many people reading it who understand. Sadly, you’re not alone in feeling so alone. Issues of sexuality and family acceptance are often what bring people into therapy.

Once you’ve established that you like and trust your new counselor, a simple way for you to introduce the issues is to ask him or her to read your letter. I do think it’s essential that you find some way to do this and do this early. It would be very difficult for a therapist to be effective in treating your depression without understanding such a central issue in your life. We therapists only have whatever people tell us to go on. When information isn’t shared, it’s hard for us to do our best.

Although I could venture some guesses about the basis for your beliefs and feelings about sex, I’d be stretching. Such issues are so individual and so complicated, that a general response often entirely misses the point. You’ve been wise to find a counselor who can really get to know and understand you. I urge you to make the commmitment to be a good partner in the effort.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Am I depressed?

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP October 25th, 2019
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am 23, and I grew up in foster care from 5-12 years of age. I was adopted and when I became too difficult for them, I was sent to my adopted father’s parent’s house. I got a job as soon as I turned 16, finally went back to public school and proceeded to do all the things teens do. I drank, I smoked weed, I snuck off, dated when I wasn’t suppose to…etc. I fell in love and found I was pregnant when I was 17. I miscarried and continued the relationship with my ex. He dumped me in the emergency room. (Sad thing is I think about him more than I do about my husband.) I felt abandoned by everyone. I became self destructive and hit my all time low, by living in my car. I went to AIT (for the Army) and ended up on border patrol. I met and married my husband within a month’s time. Our relationship was “perfect” when we were both making money and had a stable environment on border patrol. We moved back home and he started doing drugs, we fought constantly and anytime I wanted to leave, he’d remind me I had no where to go. I found out I was pregnant and things changed. He joined the Army and we have been at Fort Campbell ever since. I now have been married for almost 5 years and we have two children together. I feel trapped though. I don’t know if I really love him or not. I care for him, but there is no sparks anymore. He drinks when he is home and I am left with the kids 24/7. Deployments are worse and I currently don’t feel like cleaning, I don’t feel like cooking or even taking care of my kids whom I LOVE to pieces. I found my biological family last May and my fairytale of finding my real family was short lived. I hate my mom, I dislike my dad. I feel like I am going to end up being just like them and hurting my children. My mother and both of my brothers are bipolar, I haven’t been diagnosed. I use to see and hear things all the time and here recently I have started seeing and hearing things again. Am I depressed? Do I need to see a counselor? I don’t know what I need to do. I feel helpless and I HATE it. I feel like I am no longer my own person.

Thank you for writing about your history and your current struggle. I think it is the right thing to do to see a counselor. Since you are on the base there are services you can receive there. I would encourage you to make the appointment now. I would not wait for the stressors in your life to build up. You owe it to yourself, your husband and most of all your children to get some help. A combination of medicine and therapy will most likely help, so in addition to the counselor’s appointment you should have a physical done as well and talk to the physician about your situation.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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Bad Dreams & Stories of Abuse Trigger Visceral Response

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW July 16th, 2019
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am being treated for depression. My medications are working and well balanced. I am getting regular counseling and education to deal with thought distortions and reactions to stressful situations. My problem is that I have recurring bad dreams about sexual violence. As I have gotten more in touch with my emotions, the dreams have become personal in nature–in other words I have become the victim molested by a person in authority. I also have an unexplained visceral reaction when abuse is brought up in conversations or small group settings. I have no memory of being sexually assaulted or abused. I was, however bullied and physically attacked by other children at school. I am anxious to have your opinion(s)and suggestions about how and whether to seek help on this. I have talked with my counselor and doctor about it; but they are understandably reluctant to give advice about something that cannot be reliably tested or verified.

This may sound contradictory but the nature of your dreams may be changing because you are improving psychologically. From a psychoanalytic perspective, the unconscious mind blocks memories that are too psychologically painful. This is a defense mechanism called repression. Repression protects an individual from thoughts or memories that are too painful to deal with consciously. As M. Scott Peck explains, we “have a conscious mind that is so often unwilling to face [difficult feelings and memories] and tolerate the pain of dealing with them, and that is so willing to sweep them under the rug.”

Now that you are making progress in therapy, the unconscious mind may be revealing these painful memories because you are better able to psychologically handle them.

Repression of painful memories is a protective mechanism but it is also a costly process, very much like a tourniquet. If you have severely cut your leg, a tourniquet will stop you from bleeding to death. However, if you leave it on too long it will continue to stop the blood flow to the point where your tissues will die, resulting in the need for amputation of the leg. Painful memories can be repressed from the conscious mind but it should be a temporary process. Eventually, when the individual is able to handle these memories, they should be returned to the conscious mind.

The psychotherapeutic process can be painful. Part of why it’s difficult is because one is often forced to deal with aspects of their life that they would rather avoid. The dreams may be an attempt to force your attention on painful memories. Once properly addressed your nightmares may stop.

Historically dream analysis was an integral part of the psychotherapeutic process. It is believed that dreams reveal important information about ourselves. They are produced by the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind knows the truth about ourselves even when we are unwilling or unable to see it for ourselves. Dr. Carl Jung said it best: “The dream shows the inner truth and reality of the patient as it really is: not as I conjecture it to be, and not as he would like it to be, but as it is.”

Your doctor and therapist are correct. It is difficult to verify the validity of dreams. Whether or not the abuse occurred will have little bearing on your current treatment. Either way, your task remains the same. You’ll need to learn how to deal with the emotional triggers relating to the mention of abuse. It is good that you are in treatment. This is an area that your treatment providers can assist you with.

If you want to learn more about the nature of dreams a great place to start is with Carl Jung’s autobiography Memories, Dreams, Reflections. He is considered by many to be the foremost authority on dreams.

I would encourage you to keep track of your dreams and to try and understand their meaning. I wish you continued therapeutic success. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Cutting and Depression

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW August 7th, 2019
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m not really sure how to explain this in a way you will understand. but here goes. I’m 17years old and ever sinse 8Th grade iv had an issue with cutting and scratching myself when i get angry and its mostly because my mom has yelled at me or gotten after me for something. because she always says that i give her attitude. but honestly i dont see how i have attitude because i dont throw a fit or anything like that. and there have been times where i figured why should i even live that nothing i ever do is good enough. i mostly feel like a failure sometimes. and iv tried to stop cutting. i can go for months but then start up again. and i get really anger at times where i just want to beat something. and i dont believe its healthy but my mom believes that theres nothing wrong with me. but i think there is. i dont know what to do, and the weird thing is. is when i was little and my mom would get after me id go to my room and bite myself or id say i dont deserve to live. Ive been to 2 counselor people and they never tested me for anything. the first one was more concerned on a certain person i couldn’t be around and the 2nd one was when i overdosed in 2009 and all he did was asked if i saw ghost or if i could predict the future and told me about a book i could read. and they never tested me for any signs of depression and stuff like that. I’m so lost. i hope you can help.

You are correct. Engaging in self-harm is not healthy. You seem to engage in this behavior when you become upset or angry. Below are three possible explanations for why you self-harm.

  1. The first is that when your emotions become overwhelming, you cut to reduce the intensity of your feelings. Some individuals report that cutting provides temporary emotional relief.
  2. A second possibility is that you lack effective coping mechanisms to deal with your emotions. It could be that your caregivers never modeled healthy emotional regulation. If a child is not taught correct coping skills, they often develop maladaptive strategies.
  3. The third reason may be related to a sense of inferiority and depression. Some individuals feel that they are unworthy of love or are unlovable. They perceive themselves as being a “bad person,” someone who doesn’t deserve happiness, only suffering. When an incident or emotional event arises, the individual who believes they are “bad” will often punish themselves. Their line of thinking is that “bad people deserve to punished.”

I have limited information about your history. From what you have revealed, you may have depression. Cutting is a not a symptom of depression but there is often a link between the two. The reason an individual engages in cutting behavior may be related to a negative self-image. Having a negative self-image is often indicative of depression. In addition, you mentioned that you overdosed in 2009. I am assuming that the overdose was an attempt to end your life or a cry for help. Suicidal ideation and a history of suicide attempts are often associated with depression.

The best way to know with certainty if depression is an accurate diagnosis is to be evaluated by a mental health professional. You mentioned that you have been to several. These visits did not help you but you should not give up on the idea of counseling. Continue to search for a mental health professional who you feel comfortable with and who can provide you with the best possible treatment.

Despite the fact that you may have depression I find your situation very encouraging. Even though your mother has not responded to your psychological needs in a satisfactory way, she supports your desire to attend treatment. There are many adolescents who do not have access to mental health treatment because their parents would never allow it. In this sense, you are very fortunate.

Don’t give up hope and please continue to search for a mental health professional who you like and trust. Finding the right therapist can make all the difference in your life. In the meantime, you should educate yourself about cutting and depression. I’m not suggesting that books are a cure but knowledge is empowering. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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I’m Depressed and No One Knows

by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW December 2nd, 2019
written by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW

First off I would like to thank you for taking the time out to help me. But the problem is I’m depressed but nobody knows it. Half the reason I am is because I have no really close friends to hang out with or etc. While everybody is usually going to the movies, the beach, or somewhere fun I’m at home. My mother has started to notice it, she always suggests I hangout with my friends but truth is I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t really have any. It started at the age of 11 when I started to notice I didn’t have a lot of friends like all the other kids did.

I have tried on several attempts to makes friends, but all miserably failed. I try not to be clingy or to appear desperate. I think I have been cursed not to have any friends and it kills me every single day. I don’t wanna go talk to a counselor in person, it makes me feel even more abnormal. And I don’t wanna tell my parents because they’ll feel bad for me and I hate it when people feel sympathy for me.

I’m just tired of feeling so alone all the time, I mean it used to not bother me as bad but now that I’m getting older it really has taken a toll on me. I just wish I had somebody to talk to, or to share my feelings with. I’ve tried to make friends before but I’m probably what you could call a “outcast” I don’t really fit in and it really does bug me.

Another reason why I’m depressed is I get made fun of a lot. Every time I got to school I get called fat, ugly, pig, horse face, I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but it does. It gets so bad sometimes that I feel like just running to the bathroom and cry my eyes out. Getting made fun of has really taken a toll on my confidence as well. I used to be really confident now I can’t even stand looking at myself in the mirror.

Another thing is I always compare myself to my cousins. I mean I’m the youngest of the family. All of my cousins are gorgeous, have an abundance of friends. They always have someone took talk to. They don’t know it but their the only ones I hang out with. I haven’t been to an actual friends house in over a year. Which is pretty bad if your my age. I just wish I could be happy and perfect like they are.

Thank you for listening and really do hope you respond, because the truth is this is my only hope. And again thank you for taking the time out to read my “story”.

Thanks for reaching out for help so you can start to feel better. It is painful, especially during the teen years, to be excluded from peers and to feel on the outside of social events.  I feel bad that you’ve been so mistreated by your peers. No one deserves to be bullied, made fun of and tormented, including you. If this is happening at school, please reach out to a counselor or administrator so they can help put a stop to this cruel behavior and make sure that they keep your identity private so you don’t have to suffer retaliation from peers. Their behavior is unacceptable.

I’m curious about your comment, “I hate it when people have sympathy for me.” Sympathy and empathy are ways that people express love and concern for you, which is what we all ultimately want and need. I know it feels like a huge risk, but the only way to help the loneliness is to let someone in and share your painful feelings with — your parents, or a trusted teacher or school counselor. Please let someone know how down and alone you feel. Please talk to your parents about your depression and ask them for help in finding a counselor in your area who works with adolescents. Also, your parents or counselor can help you find an adolescent therapy group to help you practice relating to peers in positive ways, help you understand why relationships are so difficult for you, and develop the skills to build and maintain strong friendships.

It’s hard to believe, but your life can get better and you can have meaningful relationships, but the first step is to let someone in your life know about your pain and ask them for help.

Take good care of yourself.

Julie Hanks, LCSW

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Should I Contact My Ex-Therapist?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 7th, 2020
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have an interesting therapist situation that I need help resolving: A little over a year ago, I was seeing a counselor through my college to help me get over a very hard break up. I had never seen a male therapist before but I didn’t mind, because I get along better with men anyway – and I also thought that I would benefit more from it, seeing that the reason I was there in the first place had to do with a man.

Anyway, from the very beginning I was very open, honest, and comfortable with him. The majority problems and hardships I faced in my relationship revolved around sex, intimacy, fantasies, fetishes, etc. So naturally, the content of most of our sessions was heavily based on sex.

To make a long story short, there was some natural transference (which I’m sure he picked up on) and I do believe there was some counter transference but the closest we got to discussing/resolving it was some quick self disclosures on his part (he once told me a story of a past relationship he had – and related it to the relationship I was seeking therapy for – and then he told me that I reminded him of one of his ex girlfriends).

Other than things like that, he was very professional and he helped me out a lot. Therapy ended because his contract with my school was up and he found work at another office downtown. In our last session we discussed our therapist/client relationship and he asked me if I wanted to continue to see him but in his own private practice and not through school. We came to the conclusion that we thought I was ready to stop weekly therapy all together and start living my normal life again. And he gave me his card, just incase I changed my mind.

I was a little sad because we got along so well and the therapy that he induced really changed me but I wasn’t heart broken… He mentioned that all of his patients were special to him, and he continued to say that sometimes there are a few who just stick out and he just wishes he could learn more about them after the fact. And he mentioned me “in particular” and he said he felt like he was “only just starting to get to know me” and he felt like “thats it????”. He almost seemed more upset than I was about our sessions ending…

Right now I’m happier and healthier than I’ve ever been and I truely am so thankful and greatful for having him help me get through such a difficult time in my life. It’s been a year and a half since our last session and from time to time I wish I could just send him an email and just say hi and give him an update.
Would it be wrong if I did? I don’t want to come off like I want free therapy from him – or that I’m desperate to talk to him. But it would be so nice if I could just talk to him once in a blue moon. I don’t think I’d even dream of doing it if he hadn’t said all that stuff about how he wish he could “know more”. I just want the “okay” from another professional…

Is what I’m thinking about valid? Would I be overstepping my boundaries if I wanted to email him?

I do not believe you should contact your ex-therapist as a friend. You knew him as a therapist. That was the relationship you and he had. It was a good relationship in that you gained therapeutic benefit from the interaction. According to your letter, he helped you a great deal. If you were to contact him as a friend, you may find that his friend persona is quite different from his therapist persona. He may interact with you one way as a therapist and quite differently as a friend. As a friend he may not be as compassionate, understanding, selfless, kind, caring, etc.

Another consideration is that if you and he were to become friends, then it may prohibit you from becoming his client in the future, should you want to return to therapy. Ethically, a friendship would create a conflict of interest. Most of the helping professions have a code of ethics that bars its members from treating their friends. Doing so may mean losing their professional license.

I hope this answers your question. It is important to analyze your motivation for why you want to make such contact. Of course whether or not you do so is your decision but from my perspective it would not be in your best interest. Good luck. I wish you the best.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Lack Confidence in Completing Nursing College

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker November 19th, 2019
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I began nursing school in 1983 and got near completing it – to the final year. Although my grades had always been superior emotionally I was a wreck and had to drop out. However, I DID discover at this time I had hyperthyroidism, and believed that had much to do with my stress over the last part of nursing ed. I had to stop, have treatments of various sorts for that condition, and it has since been under good control.

From that time until 2 years ago I have repeatedly restarted nursing education. I make top grades and do well in clinicals, but become so stressed, fearing I will fail, etc., I have dropped out every time due to this emotional state. This gets very bad as I try to remain in school.

Now, I am to begin once again – first of all – a class I need to retake having now taken it so long ago, then will re-enter the nursing aspect of it. Already – before beginning, I am becoming nervous and terrified. I must find the cause and remedy for this. It is my desire more than anything to accomplish this. In early years I worked as a nursing assistant in hospital and home, and love it.

I have been told my fear and the feeling I don’t belong may be due to the severe poverty level I was born into, and lived in until age 10 when I began living largely at my pastor’s and pastor’s wife’s home, literally being part of their family. They were able to give to me things others of my birth level never had – music training, I was the first to graduate HS in my biological family, and college. This pastor’s wife from back then – ’70s, is still in my life, and has tried so hard to encourage me through this (she herself is an R.N.). She has told me she has proven to herself she cannot encourage me through this and suggested I seek counseling for such – both beginning before, and seeing a counselor during the last part I have left, but never succeed in completing. Can you please help by answering and/or suggesting such a counselor. I live in …

I, the member of this site, have written this for the person who is in this situation. She has been like a daughter to me most of her life, but there is something that causes her to really break down when she attempts to go through nursing school. It’s not even that it’s a struggle for her – she makes top scores, does excellent in clinicals, and her instructors do not understand why she is so stressed, ending up quitting when she does so well. In her home there was some abuse of a serious nature, yet her mother was a very loving person – wanting the best for her children, and encouraged this girl TO stay with us to be provided what she could not give her – not only in monetary value, but in teaching her. She knows I am writing this to you – and if you wish I can give you HER email, etc., so that you may deal with her directly. I am just trying to assist her as it is now so close to when she once again attempts this, and tells me already she is getting panicked. Thank you very much. — pastor’s wife

Thank you both for writing. To help keep this answer straight, I’m going to call the nursing student “NS” and the pastor’s wife “PW.” The problem might have something to do with early abuse but in NS’s case there is a huge mitigating factor. NS was well loved by her bio-mom who so much wanted the best for her that she encouraged the relationship with the pastor’s family. She has also been loved and supported by PW who gave her what her own mom couldn’t. One possibility is that there just may be some loyalty issues at play here for NS since PW is a nurse. Does becoming a nurse feel to NS like some final betrayal of her mother?

If NS were seeing me, I’d ask her to imagine that we had some magic and all the obstacles had been cleared away and that she has become a nurse. How would things then change? What would she expect of herself? How would her relationships with important people in her life change? What does she imagine others now expect of her? Often imagining a positive outcome will highlight the fears. Then we would address those fears directly.

I do think PW is correct: NS needs a counselor to help her identify what is blocking an otherwise smart and motivated woman. At 47, I imagine that NS is really sick of this and wants to get on with a career she has been working toward for so many years. I can’t suggest a counselor but NS’s primary care physician would be able to help her know who to call. Someone in the PC community who comes from the same area might also have suggestions. I do have a bias that a therapist who is close in age to NS would have a more intuitive understanding of what it means to be getting older and to be feeling that it may be “now or never” to go for her goals.

I wish you well,
Dr. Marie

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Dealing With Fear, Anxiety, and PTSD

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 1st, 2020
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Approximately 6 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD after being pressured to undergo and abortion at 20 weeks gestation by my now ex husband. He threatened to take away my two other children, or kill me, and repeatedly drove me to abortion clinics. They have you speak to a counselor prior to undergoing the procedure, I would say no, and he would just drive me to another abortion clinic the next week. Finally I underwent the procedure, I was overcome by his constant threats. A few days later, as I was recovering from the procedure, I was overcome by guilt and grief for my baby, and I attempted suicide. After a few days in the pscych ward, my then husbands signed me out, telling them I would be in his care. I didn’t undergo any therapy at the time, I was sort of just speechless, could not verbally deal with what happened at all. Instead, a doctor put me on what I think was Celexa, which I remained on for about a year before weaning myself off of it. I never received additional treatment or therapy after leaving the hospital.

Years have passed, and 4 lawyers later I am finally divorced. I have managed to hold myself together enough to progress in my career, finish school, and by my first home for myself and my two children. However, since my divorce was finalized a couple of years after the incident, I have not been unable to maintain a dating relationship with anyone for more than a couple of months, and now I haven’t even had a date in over a year. Lately, I have been isolating myself from friends and family. I don’t feel like going out or socializing. Even socializing at work is painful for me. I feel awkward and ugly and just disconnected. It seems to be getting worse lately. I’m also increasingly jumpy and fearful, at any loud or sudden noise or movement. I can’ even watch a clip from a scary movie, and recently watched a cartoon movie with my kids and kept getting startled! I don’t want to be a fraidy cat or a socially inept, and alone forever. I really would like to date people, but I’m just too shy to talk to anyone that shows interest. I want my kids to grow up with a healthy, normal parent, I don’t want them to have any emotional problems from having such a weird mother. I know it’s going back quite a few years, but I keep thinking I should talk to someone about the whole issue that caused the PTSD, but at the same time, I don’t want to dig up old wounds,I cried just writing this. But my question is, how do I pick up and move forward, and fix all these horrible personality quirks I’ve developed?

Counseling could be very beneficial for you. I understand that much of your past is difficult to speak about. Ironically, that is precisely why counseling would be good for you.

You experienced trauma in your past relationship. It makes sense that you are now having trouble with the prospect of new and future relationships. You may also be experiencing depression symptoms. Your desire to isolate may be a sign of depression. The fact that you feel “awkward, ugly and disconnected” may be another sign. Feeling disconnected could also be a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The fact that you are easily startled may also be indicative of PTSD.

In your letter, you provided a logical rationale for why you should attend treatment. “I want my kids to grow up with a healthy, normal parent, I don’t want them to have any emotional problems from having such a weird mother.” Children see their parents as role models. They often learn how to behave based on how they see their parents behave. If a parent has depression, their children may be more likely to experience it at some point in their lives compared to children whose parents do not have the disorder. If you would like to read more about depression and its effect on children, please click here.

Counseling may be difficult but it is the right course of action. You’ve experienced significant trauma in your life. These experiences need to be dealt with for the purpose of improving the quality of your life and increasing your chances of a healthy relationship in the future. It is the right thing to do. It is also the responsible choice and it can help you immensely.

Lastly, one very important quality to note is your resiliency. Despite an unhappy and abusive marriage, you managed to continue your career, finish your education and purchase a home for your family. Those are major life accomplishments. You’ve done very well despite a difficult history. Now you are faced with another challenge in your life. This time, you may need assistance and support and that is why I am recommending therapy. Here is a link to Psychology Today. It may be able to help you locate a therapist in your community. Thanks for your question. I wish you well.

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Am I Mentally Ill?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW September 27th, 2019
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I know I’m only 16 but the reason I’m sending this in here is because I’m afraid of not being taken seriously by anyone close to me I talk to because of my age.

I haven’t been diagnosed but I have suffered from depression for the last year – I don’t feel a diagnosis or talking to a counselor would help and I don’t want to worry my mother by telling her and seeming melo-dramatic etc.

I’ve learnt to get along with feeling sad most of the time, though sometimes I can’t explain my behavior to. I’ve always been very eccentric especially when with friends, though I enjoy being alone much more than being with friends as I enjoy my own company and find it easier to cope when not in front of people (I often find myself crying or bursting out at those around me when around people for too long – I can’t handle intimacy.)

Throughout the last three months things have gotten much better but at the same time much worse. My bouts of depression have become mellower – but lasting for longer and progressively build up (During abouts three weeks) and by the end I completely isolate myself, cannot handle any form of face to face communication and feel suicidal. This severe stage lasts for about two days then within minutes I will literally be happy as ever and stay this way for about a day. I know this sounds like I’m bipolar but I feel I can deal with that – I’m not going to do anything rash, doing that to my family wouldn’t be fair.

It’s the other changes in my mind I can’t deal with. I’ve always had nightmares like every other person but over the last couple of months they have gotten to really worry me. One night I was dreaming of being strangled to death by someone I couldn’t see in my bedroom and woke up to find MY hands gripping my throat. This has happened a few times since but has not been an overwhelming worry as it’s happening less and less. It is at night time when I’m worried the most though. I have constant trouble getting to sleep at a decent time even when in bed for hours (it’s now getting in the way with school work) as I’m up all night in bed scared to fall asleep in case I’m attacked by something. Recently I’ve been full on hallucinating which is really what has driven me to do something about what’s going on.

There was a woman lying next to me the other night, I could literally feel her next to me and hear her plain as day when she said “You don’t have to do it”. There have been other times when I see reflections of myself moving in the reflection of my tv when I’m sitting dead still in my bed. I’ve since started sleeping with a lamp on.

I just want to know what I should do, I implied my night terrors and the happenings to my mum and she didn’t take me seriously. I only wanted to know what she thought I should do.

Letting things get worse is the last thing I want to do, but I don’t want to over react and worry everyone and suddenly proclaim I’m unstable. I know I have tendencies to be, but that’s my business. Is there anything you would suggest to help me? What’s wrong with me? And how can I stop it?

You believe that asking for help is not necessary. You don’t think it would be beneficial and you worry that it could make you seem melodramatic. I understand your reasoning for not wanting to ask for help but it would be ill-advised to rule it out.

You also mention that you “implied” to your mother that you are having problems. She didn’t take you seriously. I’m not certain what you meant by the term implied but I take it to mean that you did not provide her with many details about your issues. Perhaps she did not take you seriously because you withheld many important facts from her. I suspect that you did not tell her the full truth. If you were to speak to her and tell her exactly what you are experiencing then she may take you seriously. I would strongly encourage you to do this. If she does not know that there is a problem then it is going to be difficult for her to provide you adequate help.

I think counseling would be very beneficial to you. You should consider it. As you mention in some ways you are able to handle your problems but on the other hand they seem to be getting worse. When you have bouts of depression they last longer than they used to and are more severe. The periods of depression also include thoughts of suicide. These are signs that help is needed.

I’m also concerned with your sleep disturbances and hallucinations. The hallucinations may be related to the inability to sleep but it also may signify an underlying mental health disorder. The only way to know what is in fact occurring is to be evaluated by a mental health professional. A sleep study may also be in order.

It is encouraging that you have periods in your life when you feel good. Ultimately you’d want to have only periods of positivity and happiness and to eliminate the bouts of depression. It is not unusual for individuals to feel sadness from time to time. Those feelings happen to everyone and are relatively normal. It is not normal or healthy to have extended periods of depression that are characterized by suicidal thinking. That is why it is important that you consider counseling.

You asked about what you can do to address your problems and I believe the best course of action would be to speak to your mother. Have an honest conversation with her about what you are struggling with. Don’t imply what you’re problems are, tell her the complete truth. Maybe then she would take you seriously and get you the help that you need and deserve. Thank you for your question and I wish you the best of luck.

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Talking About Abuse In Therapy and Feeling Out of Control

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW November 28th, 2019
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m in therapy with a psychologist, and I’ve been having once-weekly sessions with him for about 8 months now. I was referred to him by a counselor at our university’s mental health center – this counselor was particularly helpful, but can only see students for a limited time. I was also in group therapy co-led by that university counselor for a year, although that program has been canceled for funding reasons.

I went originally to the health center seeking help for anxiety issues, and eventually decided it would be very helpful if I could talk about the history of rape and abuse I’ve experienced. I followed several referrals that didn’t seem like good ‘fits’ until I found my current therapist.

I’m starting to talk to him about some of the incidents that have happened to me, even though, and I’ve told him this, I don’t feel -safe- in his office pretty much at all ever. The doors are thin, I can hear people through them (and while I admit to having young-person acute hearing, I mean that I can hear them breath or cough through the door, not just vague muttering. If they’re talking, I can hear exactly what they’re saying).

I’m also having problems feeling safe because I don’t think he knows what my reaction to his questioning is like. In the last session when he continued to question me about what a particular incident had been like, I got quieter and quieter. I felt helpless, like I was re-living the event, and I didn’t move or make any eye contact with him. I tried to stay as quiet as I could so that he would stop asking (and go away?). And then I went home.

I’ve talked with him later about the fact that, when he’s asking these questions and I’m feeling more and more -in- an event, I can’t ask him to stop. I’ve tried, I just can’t do it, any more than I could do it then. I’ve asked him to focus a little more on how I’m actually doing in the room, but he always seems to forget. My university counselor was very good about checking in with me about this, and I don’t understand why this therapist doesn’t ever do that – ask how I’m feeling, what it’s like right now, and all that, trying to sort-of ‘bring me back’ from wherever it is I’m at.

I’m not sure what to do. I know that some of my not-wanting-to-go-back is because we’ve been talking about some really intense issues/incidents, and I tend to want to avoid those as a general rule. And I’ve told him before that I really, really don’t like what happens when I talk about this stuff. I’m worried that I’m going to leave his office sort-of in a daze, if I let myself get too far gone, and … I don’t know. It’s not very safe for me to leave like that, and I’d rather avoid it. Traffic alone causes me problems when I’m like that – and I ride the city buses home!

I’ve been trying to talk about finding someone else who works a little differently, but the conversations I start with him about that always get turned around. I’m just not sure what to do.

You have asked some very important questions about your therapy. In your current situation you are feeling uncomfortable with the line of questioning from your therapist. He may be asking these questions to determine information about your situation so that he can best advise you about how to proceed. It’s helpful and necessary for the therapist to know all of the details about a client’s particular issue. That may be what he is trying to accomplish with his questions regarding the rape.

Keep in mind that therapy is usually not a comfortable process. There will usually be times when the things discussed in therapy are unpleasant. That is the nature of therapy. People are attempting to deal with very difficult and complicated personal issues. Ultimately, the goal is to heal but the process of getting to that point can be emotionally painful. That might account for your negative feelings.

It’s important that you report your uncomfortable feelings and experiences to your therapist. He needs to know this information. Maybe there are some therapists who would be more attuned to your feelings or perhaps not. It’s your job to make him aware of your feelings. It is important to therapy and it may be important for the healing process. You need to be fully honest with him. You may also want to ask him if he would change his line of questioning or at least put off his questions about the rape until you feel comfortable providing answers. Again, this requires that you have an honest and open conversation about how you’re feeling.

As I mentioned above, the best thing to do is to be honest with your therapist, but if you feel you can’t then consider another therapist. You seem to like and trust the university counseling center therapist. She may be able to refer you to a different counselor. Consider talking to her about your dilemma. She may be able to advise you about how to handle the situation. You can also ask her if she would be willing to see you for a few sessions. I understand that the university counselors cannot see their students on a long-term basis but a few booster sessions with her might be very helpful. Thank you for your question.

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Can Therapy Make Depression Worse?

by Diane Walcutt, Ph.D. November 11th, 2019
written by Diane Walcutt, Ph.D.

From childhood through high school, I was never a “happy” child but I got by. Looking back at my worst I was “difficult,” sometimes moody or irritable. But I guess everyone around me chalked it up to puberty/PMS because no one ever said I should get help. In college, I developed an eating disorder. It was a major source of tension to my family, whose response was anger. They yelled at me to “eat” that I was “too skinny” as if I was doing it JUST to make them mad. They never offered to take me to a therapist, and when I tried to talk about my feelings about my body and food my mom’s response was that she didn’t want to hear it and I was over reacting.

So, I took it upon myself to get counseling at school. My mom didn’t care about my emotions, but forced me to see her GP so she could weigh me and give me a physical. Upon seeing this GP, she took blood work which revealed that my liver was inflamed from taking Tylenol PM on a regular basis to sleep. When I tried every other herb and natural supplement and nothing else put me to sleep, the GP prescribed me Seroquel.

When I told my counselor this, she consulted the school’s Psychiatrist. He said the Seroquel was a terrible idea for me. After meeting with him, he said I should be on medication for anxiety, not an antipsychotic. I told him I really didn’t want long term medication, all I wanted was to sleep so I could finish the semester’s classes.

He prescribed me Ativan, which worked wonderfully at helping me sleep. But he said the Ativan was really a band aid on a bigger problem and felt I should be on Celexa. After some consideration, I agreed to try the Celexa. I have been on 20 mg of it for a little less than a month and have been continuing to  see him and my regular counselor for therapy. (I have to lie to my parents about where I am going since they don’t believe I need any therapy. My dad does not even know about my meds, my mom knows and strongly disapproves, claiming “you’re not depressed you’re neurotic”).

Anyway, lately I feel even though I care less about my weight, I generally don’t care about life because I am extremely unhappy. I hate my living situation (at home financially dependent on parents), I think I am ugly, I have no self esteem, and I just feel like a basket case. I know therapy is supposed to increase self awareness, but I think all this self awareness may be making things worse. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I want to just “break up” with my therapists but I fear that things could be EVEN WORSE if I do that. Are some people better off without therapy? Or should I keep trying?

Hello and thank you for your question:

Goodness, you’ve had an awful time getting the help you need. I’m sorry that you have struggled so. I’m not a psychiatrist, so I can’t prescribe (at least in my state), but what you need to know is that if the Tylenol PM was working for your sleep, it wasn’t the Tylenol itself that was working, it was the diphenhydramine (Benadryl). Benadryl has side effects like any other drug, but it was the Tylenol that irritated your liver, not the Benadryl. Many people use the generic Benadryl with great success for sleep. What you need to know about it is that occasionally, it stops working. It is not addictive and you cannot develop a tolerance for it, but if you take a break from it, it will again begin working. The reason I know this is because I taught psychopharmacology at the graduate level for many years and have learned a lot about medications.

That being said, I wouldn’t break up with a therapist unless you think that particular therapist isn’t helping. Understand that therapists are like blue jeans. There are tons of them, but not all are a good fit. You might consider finding one that fits better. Or, you might just stick it out with this one. Things often get worse before they get better, since in therapy you have to dig into stuff that isn’t fun.

The other thing is that it sounds like your family doesn’t have very good boundaries. What is “wrong” with you isn’t their business since you are legally an adult now. Never mind who is paying for your schooling, if you don’t want to be weighed, and you don’t want mom prying into your personal issues, tell her in a very nice way, “Mom, I have to figure these things out for myself. I know you mean well, but I need some time to sort things out. I can’t eat what you tell me to eat, and I won’t be weighed anymore.”

She may have a hard time hearing these things, but you are an adult and should be treated like one. Set some boundaries, stay in therapy (even if it is with a new therapist) and take good care of yourself. You deserve it. If you want to find a therapist outside of school, look at the our therapist directory for one in your area.

I hope this helps,

Dr. Diana Walcutt

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