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Daughter Fears Illness

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW February 1st, 2022
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My 11 yr old daughter is scared she has an illness or disease.. She seems paranoid about it. She told me last night she was afriad to die as all/most of us are, but seems obsessed with it almost. Everyday she says something hurts. Its not that i dont believe her, I just want to know if this is a phase kids go threw and is normal or should I seek therapy locally and often. I know she is going threw puberty and hormones are flaring and bones are streching and growing. Everyday, Everyday…. she says something hurts. I took her to the doctor for a lump she felt under her jaw and her doctor mentioned psyco-sematic? I dont understand what she means and I googled the term and I am still not clear as to what this means. Could you please help?? This has been going on for about two months, my daughter has never been abused sexually, mentally, nothing tragic has happened in our family besides natural death. Her real father is not in her life and never has been, not sure if this has anything to do with it. My fiance has been a part of her life for 10 years and he is strict but loving and makes her do what she is responsible for. Sometimes when he lets her know hes upset she didnt do what she was asked of her he goes on and on and on about why she should have listened and how she gets everything she wants and the least she could do is listen and on and on and on im not sure if this is somehow depressing her. I dont know what to do or think. I am worried about her…. HELP

It is abnormal to be constantly fearful of developing a disease. It’s also not something that’s commonly associated with puberty. Something seems to be wrong. Something is bothering her. The doctor mentioned that what she might be experiencing is psychosomatic. Psychosomatic means that a person is experiencing psychological problems that are expressed as physical symptoms or ailments.

Your daughter may be experiencing anxiety. You don’t think that she has experienced a traumatic event but it’s possible that she has. Perhaps she has but never told you. Remember, many child abuse victims are afraid to reveal what has happened to them. In addition to fear, many others will not reveal their abuse because they feel guilty. Many will continue to deny the abuse, that they very well remember, for their entire adult lives. Others will reveal the abuse when forced to by emotional problems or other abuse victims.

There is also the issue of how your fiancée treats your daughter. You may not consider his treatment of her harsh but she might. It may or may not be contributing to the problem.

She should be evaluated by a mental health professional. A therapist will gather a complete psychosocial history and attempt to determine what may be wrong. The therapist may request that all members of the family participate in treatment to gain a more complete understanding of family dynamics. Don’t ignore this problem or simply hope it will go way. It needs to be addressed and having a psychosocial evaluation is a wise place to start. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Relationship Issue

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 23rd, 2022
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

So here is a synopsis of my problem:

I’m a 24 year old female in a relationship with a 42 year old male. He came into my life at such a vulnerable time one year ago, when i was in major need of a loving genuine person to care for me. He swept me off my feet and showered me with mature conversations, romantic dinners and trips, gifts, love, and so much more. I truly am in love with him and have no doubt about that, but I’m not sure the relationship can work when you get into his side of the spectrum.

Here is a little background of his situation:

He’s been married 3 times. From the second wife he had two kids who live with us and are now 14 and 15. He divorced that marriage because she had a drinking problem and got full custody of the children. Later in his life he married for the third time and was in that relationship for 7 years and had two more kids who are now ages 4 and 2. This is part of his baggage that I’m having such a hard time accepting. He claims the marriage and love was diminishing on both sides so when he was deployed to Italy he had an affair with a 24 year old Italian girl.

Currently I’m have moved from Louisiana to California with him and his two teenage kids. His son is rebellious and i honestly can’t tolerate being in his presence at all. Also there are so many concerns about the fact that the man i love has two more little kids all the way in AL, and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with the fact that he won’t be able to see them very much any more.

I’m beginning to feel like i am giving up a lot to be with him. I feel as if at this age i should be discovering what career path i want and really who i am. I feel as if from being with him and all his situations, I am slowly but surely losing who i am and who i want to be.

What is your advice? Do you think i am in over my head? Doubt is fogging every aspect of my thought process and I simply don’t know the answer.

Thanks so much!

I believe you already know the answer to your question.

You wrote that you are effectively giving up your life to be with him. You’re having doubts perhaps because intuitively you know that this relationship isn’t right for you.

I don’t have many details about the relationship but based on the limited information provided it seems problematic. If you stay in this relationship, then you will have to accept all of his baggage. It also means that your wishes and desires will either be put on hold or they may never come to fruition.

The question becomes, are you willing to sacrifice your life goals to be with this man? That’s a question that only you can answer.

I would recommend meeting with a therapist who can gather many more details about your relationship and assist you in determining whether you’re making the right choice. Choose a therapist who specializes in relationships.

You’re at a crossroads and I believe therapy at this point would be highly beneficial. It would afford you the opportunity to objectively evaluate your relationship with the assistance of a trained specialist. You may only need a few sessions to sort out your next move. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Loving Someone who Can’t Love Back

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 19th, 2022
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’ve formulated a friendship with a man who has admitted to me he has a personality disorder (the name of which I do not know). He has told me he is incapable of love. He is, however, empathetic and charismatic. He loves people and surrounds himself with them at all waking moments. When you’re with him he is 100% in the moment, and will focus on whomever is in his presence entirely. However, when you leave his presence, it’s like you no longer exist to him. I tease that it’s “if a tree falls in the forest syndrome” He experiences horrible migraines, and treats himself with diet, and Effexor. He also sees a therapist.

My problem is this: we’ve kept our relationship strictly as a friendship so far. We have an intense chemistry, but have not acted upon it. I feel madly in love with this person, even though I know he has told me he’s incapable of love. I’ve tried to distract myself with other men, and with work, but nothing seems to stop me from wanting to be with this man. I know it’s my brain’s chemistry telling me this, but what can a person in my situation do? Is the only option to run? How can a healthy person love someone incapable of ever returning love to them? Can someone in their 40 some odd years of existence, whose never loved, one day love? Is it possible to have any kind of healthy relationship with someone that has a disorder like this?

I am not aware of any personality disorders in which one of the symptoms is the inability to love. It would have been helpful to know more about his understanding of the inability to love. That phrase may have many different meanings.

It’s odd that he is capable of forming friendships but doesn’t believe he’s capable of love. He apparently makes a distinction between friendships and romantic love relationships. If he is capable of engaging in friendship-type relationships, then he should be capable of other types of interpersonal relationships.

You have very strong feelings for him. You can’t help how you feel. It will be difficult for you to continue your friendship without sharing your true feelings. You should tell him how you feel.

Until you better understand what his psychological problems may be, you cannot determine whether a deeper relationship with him is viable. You need to explore his “inability to love” in more depth. Ask him to expound upon what he means by that phrase. Does he have examples? Did he try to love someone and it was a struggle? Where did the idea of incapacity of love originate? Don’t rule out the possibility that his “inability to love” is his polite way of saying that he is not interested in a romantic relationship.

Ultimately, you need to gather more information about whether he’s capable of being in a romantic relationship and whether he’s interested in doing so. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Mom Denies Schizophrenia

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 16th, 2022
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hi, over the years ive noticed my mom change a lot so has my dad. Some background:(she is currently 38) When i was born my mom got really weird she bacame moody, deppressed, and way into religion. Every life event that happened was based on religion to her… When i was growing up she didnt really take care of my hygiene.. And hers too. She lived as it was a dump,garbage sitting in the trash for 2 weeks, smell of rotting food,dirty dishes all over the place,wearing weird clothing,not showering… Then when she got fired from her work… She said it was a plot and everyone there was out to get her and stage something to fire her… Few years later shes gets a computer and starts to beleive conspiracy theories (like the goverment creating tornadoes to control the population, mosquitoes injecting people with poisons, vaccines actually putting some min controll thing inside you.. ) Although I dont believe its severe now it will get worse like it is now…

She denies her being ill even if i show her symptoms of it…How can i help her i cant just leave her to go crazy and nuts… Shes my mom.

And also will i be at risk in developing whatever she has? Thanks.

I’m sorry to hear about your mother. She is not well. Her denying the fact that she has schizophrenia is not surprising. Some people with schizophrenia are unaware that they have the disorder. This lack of awareness is called anosognosia. Lack of awareness is not a deliberate form of denial; it is a symptom of the disorder.

I admire your desire to help your mother but this situation may be too much for you to handle. I’m concerned about the fact that her symptoms seem to be worsening and she is not receiving treatment. It’s also concerning that the house was in such disarray and nothing was done about it. You mentioned your father but did not say much about him. Is he able to assist you and your mother? Is he attempting to help her in any way?

I would recommend speaking to your father about your concerns. Advise your father to seek the assistance of mental health professionals. They can help your father to know how to handle this situation with your mother.

This is a situation that requires immediate intervention. Many communities have crisis teams trained to deal with mental health crises. Check to see if your community has a crisis team (see the white or yellow pages). If so, call and report what is happening with your mother. They can come to your home, assess your mother’s condition and provide immediate intervention.

If you believe that your mother is a danger to herself or your family, call 911 or the police. A person is dangerous to themselves when they aren’t eating, aren’t caring for themselves properly or are deliberately attempting to physically harm themselves. Emergency services can protect your mother and can protect your family. They can also ensure that she receives the proper mental health treatment. Please don’t hesitate to write again if you have additional questions. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Long-Term Apathy and Depression

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW November 27th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I spent last winter in an apathetic state where I completely lost interest in things that were important to me and I avoided interacting with friends at all costs. I spent my days distracting myself with videos and mindless things. At the start of this year I started to feel better. My writer’s block wore off and I felt like I could relate to others again. Mid February I broke down into tears one night for no reason, alone in my room. Nothing had triggered it, but on and off after that I had more cry spells and I felt terrible some days. I couldn’t sleep.

Lately these feelings have been building up more frequently, and sometimes I become very sad in public, and I feel as if I can’t hold it in. My health has also suffered. I get sick easily when I get no sleep, I’ve had migraines lasting several hours to a couple days and muscle cramps randomly during the day. I don’t feel like I can trust anyone enough to tell them about how I’ve been feeling. I have no close friends; I’d reduced contact with all of them when university started because I didn’t like being around other people. I know that even if I were close to any of them, I still couldn’t tell them. I’m able to socialize easily with others, but I can’t trust easily.

All the things that didn’t bother me before are affecting me now, and I feel like I’m alienating myself around strangers. Lately I’ve been having thoughts about suicide, even though I know I would never act upon them. I’m distracted at school and at work, and I think of myself as a lost cause that’s not worth the motivation. I really want to beat this on my own and am hesitant about approaching a school counselor, even though I’ve felt bad enough to have thought about it. I want to believe that this is a short term, temporary thing, but I have no idea

You are not a “lost cause.” You, in all likelihood, have depression. It’s reoccurring and it seems that your episodes are worse with each reoccurrence. The fact that you’re considering suicide is evidence of the seriousness of your condition.

You have been suffering with this condition for at least a year. It is degrading your life to a significant degree. You’ve been hesitant about seeking help but you should not be. You should not have waited this long to seek help. You should have sought help when you first began to notice the depression. I’ve noticed that sometimes people believe that they have to wait until their symptoms are severe “enough” before they receive help. Ideally, one should receive help upon the emergence of troublesome symptoms. The sooner the better.

Sometimes people also believe, like you, that is important to solve one’s own problems. Perhaps it’s due to pride. It may be due to the fact that some people feel stigmatized by seeking psychological treatment. In their view, the fact that they sought professional help is a sign that they are a failure. Nothing could be further from the truth. There shouldn’t be any hesitancy to seek professional help. Mental health professionals specialize in the very problems with which you suffer. Depression is also very treatable. Don’t wait any longer to receive help. Approach the school counselor immediately and report all of your symptoms. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

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Hallucinations, Mania and OCD

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW October 24th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I see and hears things that none else can see, mainly demonic faces everywhere that looks like a zombie looking alien with huge goat looking horns, the other things i see could be black shadows that fly so quick past me or someone else with me that it looks like a black bird thats flew past, or even see things that im afraid of like when i seen millions of spiders all over the floor but was told nothing was there. i hear voices that tell me i should cut myself or try to kill myself and the voice sounds evil,not human, i sometimes also hear like as though the telly or radio is going off but nothings on at the time. there are times i end up having really high moods where i end up going out shopping spending £100s in a day on just stuff to use for all my ideas i have in my thoughts, when i think of lots of ideas i cant concentrate when others try talking to me, and i end up shouting at them aggressively just to be quiet while i think. according to my friends or family i dont make sense to them or think of too much and talk too fast for them to know exactly what ideas im talking about. I have told my doctor all of this and a counsellor but none of them seem to believe a word i say as though they just think im a freak or making the whole thing up, what should i do? as its getting worse every week.

Your symptoms are unusual. What you are seeing and hearing is distressing to you. Your symptoms seem indicative of an ongoing, untreated psychosis. You are also experiencing mood swings and having difficulty controlling your behavior. If you are currently in the midst of a psychotic episode, then it makes sense that you would have difficulty controlling your mood and behavior.

Psychotic episodes require immediate treatment. They typically do not get better on their own. Medication could significantly reduce or eliminate your symptoms.

I understand that you have told your doctor and counselor about the symptoms but it’s unclear why they have not taken action. If they continue to ignore your symptoms, then you must find a different set of mental health professionals who can help.

I am also concerned about the voices telling you to harm yourself. This is a common experience among people who hear voices. If you feel that you might harm yourself or someone else, then it’s imperative to go to an emergency room immediately. The hospital can protect you and ensure that you receive the proper treatment. They can also assist you in finding a treatment team who will take your concerns seriously. You must do what it takes to get the proper help. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Still Facing Eating Disorder

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW September 22nd, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Last year I got influenced by an anorexic friend and I started experiencing eating disorder symptoms. I binged & starved & eventually ended up purging as well. I went to therapy for 6 months & got over all of it. I was eating fine for 3 months, and then I finished therapy. Now I’m having thoughts about eating disorders, calories, all my problem areas, etc. I don’t eat more than 1200 calories, & there’s lots of days where I eat way less. I don’t know what to do, because my parents and everyone else think I got over it already. I can’t tell them that it started again. I also can’t go back to therapy because I can’t afford it. I really don’t want to have this again, especially because I’m only restricting this time around and not binging, and I don’t want to end up in the hospital. I just can’t seem to eat normally though. My head is definitely playing games with me, and I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t have most of the symptoms for anorexia either, besides for restricting. I’m not underweight or feeling cold, etc. So it’s not dangerous, yet. I am totally normal besides for this. I hang out with friends, go to school, work, etc. I am pretty happy with myself, which is also why I don’t understand why I’m doing this to myself.

You had previously gone to therapy and it was successful. Try to think back to what about the therapy helped you. Perhaps what you learned in those sessions can assist you now.

Part of why you are not returning to therapy is because you can’t afford it but you also don’t want to go. You also don’t believe that your eating disorder is “dangerous [enough] yet” and thus therapy, in your mind, isn’t required yet. I would disagree. Any time you deprive your body of its proper nutrients, it’s being damaged. It’s always dangerous.

If you’re a college student, then you can utilize the college counseling center for free. Many college counseling centers provide high-quality services. Utilize those services, if they are available to you.

If your parents have health insurance and you’re under 25, then you may be covered under their policies.

Community mental health centers are also an option. They offer low-cost or sliding-scale fee psychological services. Sometimes, services are free depending on your level of income.

Finally, another idea is to contact your previous therapist and ask for his or her advice. The therapist might be willing to see you temporarily, free of charge, or refer you to a clinic that provides low-cost or free services.

Therapy worked well for you in the past. If the problem has returned, then it would be wise to repeat what has proven to be successful in the past. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses. They are very serious disorders which require treatment. The sooner you seek treatment, the sooner you can eliminate these symptoms and minimize the damage to your body. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Suffering From Depression?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW June 25th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I feel like i have always suffered from depression but i’m not 100% sure. To start off with the issue/issues:

1)I have always been bullied for most of my life from elementary school onward not so much anymore. I was either mainly bullied by my siblings(brother and sister)when i was the middle child growing up. They picked on me for whatever reason they could think of. One main reason they picked on me was my weight. I was also bullied by peers in my grade, and or friends.

2)I have always been extremely shy, and i struggle with low self-esteem. As i got older, the low self-esteem was still there, but i have now noticed that i am extremely self-conscious of the way i look, i have always struggled with my weight, and i usually hate looking in any mirror because i can see all of my flaws with how gross and ugly i look from being overweight. I do believe this is a form of body dysmorphic disorder? i’m convinced i have it.

3)I was diagnosed with a learning disability so whenever it came to school, i struggled with that and grades sometimes. It was especially hard during the spring semester of the new college i was going to because of the harder classes. Even though i did well for the fall semester. I didn’t realize that i get anxiety a lot, with school but i do.

4)continued from number 3: I was seeing a counselor at the school that i was going to for the fall semester of 2012, because i was super stressed and anxiety driven. I continued seeing a counselor at school for the spring semester 2013, both of them said i had depression. The last one i was seeing said that counseling would not help, but medication with the counseling helped. I learned the hard way when i was at college during the spring semester that college can be extremely lonely at times. I was even hospitalized for suicidal ideation. At that time i was put on 3 medications, i guess all for depression. I have yet to see my doctor about it though even though its been 6 months from that specific incident.

However now that i’m home i’m still convinced that i have depression like the counselor and hospital said. Could the issues that i have struggled with all lead to major depression. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Yes, the issues that you are struggling with can lead to depression. It’s good that you are seeking professional help but it seems that you require more help than you are currently receiving. As you mentioned, it’s been six months since you have seen your doctor. That’s too long to go without professional help, especially after being hospitalized for suicidal ideation.

The counseling that you have been receiving at school is a great first step but it’s not enough. Typically, college counseling centers are geared toward assessment, emergencies and short-term problems. Given the chronic nature of your depression, you would benefit from professional help that is more intensive and long-term.

I would recommend seeking mental health treatment, outside of the college counseling setting, that involves both counseling and medication. You can ask the school counselors for a referral to a therapist in your community. You can also check with your primary care physician for referrals. They can assist you in receiving the proper help.

The issues that you have been struggling with are correctable. Your depression has been chronic perhaps in part because you have only just begun to receive mental health treatment. Once you’re established with a long-term therapist, and have found a medication that provides symptom relief, your quality of life should improve greatly. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Is My Mother Mentally Ill?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW June 19th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am here because I’m losing hope and I’m running out of options. I’m here because u have many reasons to believe my mother is a paranoid schizophrenic. She is a single 56 year old woman with 4 children. Three boys and me, the youngest and only daughter. I have a very bad relationship with my mother because she lacks trust with me and she always thinks I’m out to get her. For example, I don’t live with her and I barely go visit her, but for ae reason she constantly accuses me of stealing her things from her home. I don’t have a key to her home so there’s so wat I can get in her home if she’s not there, and when I am over there visiting she follows me around the house. One she left a very belligerent vulgar message on my answering machine accusing me of stealing her credit card and paying my cellphone bill. She then called me apologizing saying it was a misunderstanding. I was completely in awe. Then another time she cursed me out saying once again I stole her credit card and went to Wal Mart and tried to buy some contacts. Mind you, I don’t wear contacts or glasses. I don’t have acces to her card info or any of her personal information. I’m not the only person she accuses of stealing from her, she will say things like “someone’s been coming in my house and stealing my DVDs.” One time she even said “someone” been driving her car. My brother and I told her that rediculous, and no one is gonna steal her car and then return it. There is another time she called me and she was very upset. She told me she went to her friend of 20+ years house and saw a picture hanging on her wall that belonged to my mom. My mom said her friend was recently at her house and she believes she stole the picture from her house. She called her friend accusing her and telling her she’s no longer welcomed in her home anymore and that their friendship is over. I told my mom she sounds crazy and there is no way her friend could’ve taken the picture without her noticing, seeing how the picture is about 32 inches long and wide. I told her to check her hallway closet and she found it. I told her she needs to call her friend and apologize and she needs to seek help. Whenevere or my brothers tell her she needs help she tells at us and won’t speak to us. Another thing I notice about my mom is the way she speaks. She sometimes reminds me of a child, especially the way she puts her sentences together, they sometimes don’t make since. She mis reads words all the time and also speaks words wrong a lot. If this is any helpful information she worked at a mental institution for over 15 years. She often brought her problems at work home with her and would take her anger out on me and my brother. She spends a lot of time by herself and pushes away a lot of her friends. She has been single for about 10 years. Another thing my brothers and I notice about her is that she often fabricates stories or she seriously over exaggerates them. She believes her lies, I think. One thing I don’t understand is how she treats my brothers like royalty, but treats me as a untrustworthy criminal that’s out to get her. The way she is to me makes me not like my mother or want anything to do with her. I’m seriously concerned with her and I need answers.

It’s possible that your mother has a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia but such a late onset is unusual. You said that she was 56 years old. The typical onset of schizophrenia is late adolescence or young adulthood. It’s rare for an individual to begin experiencing symptoms for the first time in middle adulthood. It’s possible but not common. Perhaps this is not the first time she has behaved in such a manner but without being able to interview you in person, it’s difficult for me to know.

One thing is certain, she is not well. It may be due to psychological problems, delusions, hallucinations or paranoia. Several other possibilities exist which include an organic brain disorder, early-onset dementia or illicit substance use.

You stated that you do not live with your mother and thus intervening may be difficult. Encourage her to be seen by a medical or mental health professional for an evaluation. If you cannot convince her to be evaluated, perhaps one of your siblings can. You stated that she doesn’t trust you but she may trust another member of the family.

Hopefully, someone in your family can convince your mother to seek treatment. Otherwise there’s not much else you can do. Unfortunately, when we see one of our family members acting bizarrely and perhaps putting themselves or others in danger, it can be difficult to force them into treatment. Try your best to encourage her to seek help and hopefully she will listen. Do all you can and realize that your power is limited. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Getting Help without Money or Insurance

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW June 10th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am aware that I have some serious problems that need attention. I have a very dark past, which I could spend a lot of time elaborating on but no one wants to read the novel of my life. The short version is ever since I was a young child life has dealt me a bad hand. Physical and emotional abuse, my parents ugly divorce, being abandoned and taken advantage of by people I trusted, being bullied at school and at work, attempted suicide, self harm, just to name the big ones. I’ve always struggled to cope with these things, but I guess its messed me up because when attempting to self-diagnose using the internet my symptoms match up with everything from aspergers to all types of schizophrenia. And I have had these symptoms since I was about ten. They are so bad that I truly struggle to function in the general population, and just can’t change myself no mater how hard I try.

So today I am 20 years old, and have decided to write because I feel I am teetering on the edge. I recently lost my job and my home, and I have gotten so much worse. I don’t even know what else to say. I am a train wreck and every day think about ending it all for good. I know I need help. But I just don’t have the means. I don’t know what to do. I don’t belong in the world, so leaving it just seems like the logical thing to do. But for the sake of my friends (all two of them) whom I love, I have to try. This is my last ditch effort. My question is, how do I get professional help for this with no money or insurance?

I’m glad that you are willing to seek help. You may feel like things are very bad for you, especially after recently losing your job and your home but there is help, especially for someone like you who wants help.

Problems are a part of life. We all have them, sometimes more than other times, and some people have more problems than others do. The key to dealing with life problems is possessing strong problem-solving skills. Not everyone has these skills, mainly because not everyone has had the opportunity to learn them. Sometimes, our caregivers don’t possess these skills and thus can’t teach us what they themselves don’t know.

Not having health insurance might make accessing professional help more difficult but it is still possible. Community mental health centers offer free or low-cost services. Typically, when you make an appointment, you will be asked about your level of income and at that point it will be determined how much each psychotherapy session will cost. Often, people without a steady income do not have to pay. Contact your local community mental health center to determine the cost of services.

You can also contact the local health department who can advise you about free or low-cost psychological services in your community.

Is there a university or college in your town? If so, these institutions may offer free or low-cost psychological services. You can determine what services are available, perhaps by checking the institutions’ websites.

Some universities also have opportunities to participate in psychological research. Participants are often compensated and given treatment that may include medication or psychotherapy. Participating in a research study may be a way to receive free treatment and compensation for your time and effort.

It’s important to view your situation through the proper perspective. You lost your job and your home. Anyone in your situation would be feeling hurt but don’t assume that your life will always be this difficult. There are many ups and downs in life. It’s important to continue to be resilient and to seek the proper mental health assistance to help you through this difficult time. I hope you’re able to find the help that you desire. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Emotionally Detached

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW June 1st, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hello! Between age 21-25 I went through 3 very bad relationships ended in rejection, on the last one I had to be hospitalized, I couldn`t eat for days huge stomach pains from stress but I recovered and moved on. I noticed now in my 30+ I have no feeling of compassion, my friends say I have no heart. If somebody dies I don`t feel anything I have to pretend that I care. Even my own father end up in hospital in critical condition and deep down I felt nothing. My body can`t produce any sense of emotion about anything. I don`t care, I do`n bother anybody but people around are affected and say I need to see somebody. Is this serious?

You described yourself as someone who does not feel emotion. Friends are also concerned about what they perceive to be your lack of emotion. In one instance, your father was in the hospital and you said you felt nothing. If I had the opportunity to interview you, I would want to know more about your relationship with your father. If you and he were not close and you did not love your father, then I would not see your reaction as odd. Parents and their children do not always have close relationships. It may seem odd to the outsider that you felt nothing for your father when he was critically ill but if you and he were never close, then your reaction makes sense. It’s difficult to feel emotion for someone with whom you are not close.

With regard to what your friends say, it would been helpful to have had specific examples of why they think you lack emotion. It would’ve also have been helpful to have had more details about the times in which someone dies and you feel no emotion. If the person who died was not someone with whom you were close, again it would not be unusual for you to feel no emotion.

One thing that we can say with certainty is that there was a time when you could feel emotion. In fact, you felt very strong emotion. The breakups you experienced were emotionally difficult. If you are indeed stunted in your ability to feel emotion, then it may have been in response to the devastating effects of those earlier breakups. Lacking emotion, or having an inability to feel emotion, may be an unconscious defense mechanism that protects you from having to feel strong, negative emotions.

My recommendation would be to have an evaluation by a mental health professional. The purpose of the evaluation would be to determine if your perceived lack of emotion is accurate. It may be but I do not have enough information to make that determination. It’s worth having an evaluation to know if this problem is serious. It is abnormal to not feel emotion and there are treatments that could assist you in correcting this problem. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Define Bipolar Spectrum?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW May 3rd, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have suffered with depression a lot in my life. I have been on and off meds and it keeps coming back. I told my family doc and she tried different meds and still it seemed to work for about a month and then nothing. She put me on the maximum amount of wellbutrin (450mg) and .5mg klonapin and said she thinks I need a mood stabilizer so I contacted a psychiatry practice to try and understand this more.

I have horrible mood swings, I get irritated very easily. I start the day feel great, I get my cleaning done, play with my kids and then i start to get irritable and depressed which just leads to more irribility and frustration because i can’t stop feeling angry and depressed.

My doc appt yesterday i reviewed my family and self history. It was extremely difficult to talk about everything but i told her that i go between depression, irribility, anger, anxiety to feeling like i can take on anything (more creative/clear thoughts).

She told me i definitely fall somewhere on the bipolar spectrum but never explained that. What does “falling on the bipolar spectrum actually mean?” Does it mean I am actually bipolar? What is the bipolar spectrum?

Your doctor may have used the phrase “bipolar spectrum” because she believes that you have bipolar disorder but is not sure which type. The three main types include bipolar I disorder, bipolar II and cyclothymic disorder. Bipolar I is considered the most severe and cyclothymic disorder, the least severe.

Individuals who have bipolar I disorder experience episodes of mania. People with mania feel euphoria, grandiosity and emotionally “high.” They can also feel irritable. Their mood shifts rapidly. They can feel euphoric one moment and then quickly feel depressed and angry. Their behavior is erratic and they often behave in irresponsible ways. Psychosis can also be present.

Individuals who are diagnosed with bipolar II also experience mood instability but not to the same degree that occurs with bipolar I disorder. Typically, more depressive symptoms are present than hypomania symptoms.

Cyclothymic disorder is a chronic mood disorder that is present for at least two years. Like bipolar I and bipolar II, it is characterized by fluctuating mood disturbances and hypomania but the symptoms are less severe and less frequent. Many consider it a milder form of bipolar disorder.

You take medication for your symptoms but that is not enough. Psychotherapy is an important treatment for mood disorders. Medication can stabilize your symptoms but psychotherapy allows you to address the underlying problem. You found it difficult to detail your family and self-history which tells me that you have yet to address the emotional pain that may be at the heart of some of your symptoms.

I would recommend psychotherapy. Please consider it. Comprehensive psychological treatment involves both psychotherapy and medication. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Sexually Abused by my Step-Brother

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW April 2nd, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I don’t know what to do, when I was a child I was sexually abused by my step-brother and this went on from ever since I can remember up until I was around 13, I have memories from when I was 6ish, but there only vague so it could have happened earlier as I understand that with sexual abuse, when your so young, it’s hard to process what’s going on and therefore you may not recollect it which is why abusers target young children.

When I was 13, one day I just broke down and refused to go school, locked myself in the bathroom etc and just cried – I then ended up texting my dad (who was at work) everything that had gone on with my step-brother, from grooming, touching to actual intercourse and rape – my dad rang my mum and explained everything to her, so I then didn’t have to go to school.

Later on that evening, my brother was kicked out and ever since we’ve not spoken about what happened, I feel dirty, and I feel as though my parents are ashamed of me for what happened, they have never offered me support or spoke to me about what went on, after i text my dad, telling him everything that was it – it’s almost like I was expected to forget about everything.

I just can’t cope. I now have a boyfriend, been with him for 2 years and 3 months now, and I’ve told him everything in which he was really supportive, but, I still have really bad trust issues and I hate intimacy and sexual intercourse – how do I get around this? and why did my parents ignore it all and ignore my screams during the night (well mum did, dad lives away from the family home) – I’m 20 now, why isn’t all of this getting easier, only harder ? 🙁

It’s becoming increasingly difficult for you to deal with these issues because they remain unresolved. Typically, problems such as these don’t simply go away and you should not expect them to. Therapy could assist you.

As a child, your parents could have sought professional help for you after having learned what your brother had done. They failed to help you and unfortunately you are paying the psychological price.

Intimacy and trust issues related to sexual abuse are very common problems in counseling settings. As a child, you had very little power but as an adult you have the power to choose to seek help. I would recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma or sexual relations issues (sex therapist).

The fact that you have chosen to write this letter may indicate that you are ready and open to seeking professional help. It also helps that you have a supportive boyfriend. You can gain a great deal of support in therapy. I hope you will consider it. You will be glad that you did. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Bullying Leads to Violent Thoughts, Actions

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 31st, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Um, how to start. I’m a student in a mid-high school school. My grades are not bad nor good either. Though, since i was a 7 years old girl, i’m not sure if i’ve ever said anything to them or no, people begin to bully and harass me. I don’t know why, and usually i being used by peoples i called ‘friends’.

So…up ’till now i was always being bullied, until i got very sick of it and take an action; i cut their arms. not literally cutted, it just grazed by razor that they brought at school and use to scare me. I feel bad about it, but i also feel happy. I can feel i was smiling seeing that blood came out from his wound. I would like to do it more. I don’t know why i just can’t help it. Fortunately no one has been killed by my own hands, yet.

I’m a fanatic of horror and violence movies. Just seeing them sadistically killed makes me uncontrollably giggling. Maybe it was because of the blood~

I’m not a sociable person, most think i’m crazy and insane for talking to myself and entertain myself without relying on others. Right, i have no friends in the school because i couldn’t trust anyone.

My parents, i never tell them about my problems and tends to lock myself inside my bedroom. Because i know they’ll say “It was your fault anyway”. Yea…it was my fault i attracted those bullies. I always be and blamed that includes everything upon me. “Because it’s YOUR fault” they say. My brothers never support me too. they’ll just mock me. I can hear them laugh when i told them my suffering. such a nice brother, aren’t they~?
I know it against rule, but i always bring knife to school. Sometimes i laugh maniacally to myself or when i cut them. Blood surely pretty~ that’s what i thought.

I think my parents just going to mad at me for hurting others, because if i said the truth, they’ll just “You’re not allowed to talk back!”. Oh well~

I’m not so manipulative, but i can charm few peoples to do jobs for me. Whenever they found out, i just guilt-trips at them. I know it’s bad but it’s sorta of fun.

Intellectually, your reaction to bullying is understandable but not right. Perhaps you resorted to violence because you felt helpless but it doesn’t make it okay. It’s the wrong solution for several reasons. If you attack someone they may fight back. You may be severely injured or even killed. Physically attacking someone is illegal. You would likely be arrested and incarcerated. You risk losing your freedom. Incarceration is also traumatizing and bullying can and does occur there. It’s not a good experience. Having a criminal record can also ruin your chances to go to college or to get a job.

With regard to your bullies, you have a desire to “kill them.” You asked if that was normal for someone your age. No, it’s not normal for anyone at any age. I see it as a sign that you feel helpless, are suffering and lack the skills to know how to resolve this problem. Adult intervention is required.

What should you do? Every time you experience bullying, report it to the school faculty. In most schools, there is a zero tolerance policy with regard to bullying. The bullies might be suspended or even expelled from school. If they were suspended or expelled, your problem could be solved. You should also report it to your parents. They need to know what is happening even if you don’t think they will believe you. Tell them. Document the bullying. If necessary, call the police and report what is happening to you in school.

Don’t resort to violence. I have described a more appropriate strategy for dealing with the bullying and I hope you will take my advice. As I outlined above, you have a great deal to lose by engaging in violence.

Finally, if you feel that you might harm yourself or someone else, then it’s imperative to seek immediate emergency treatment. Go to the emergency room or call 911. Emergency assistance can stop you from engaging in behavior that will harm you or others. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

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Is There Something Wrong with Me?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 29th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m starting to think there is something wrong with who I am. People seem to act coldly and distantly towards me. The group of friends that I call myself a part of don’t seem to want to be around me – I only see them at school, they often make plans to go out as a group, which I only find out about after they have already been done. They openly talk about ‘the fun they all had’ over the weekend in front of me. They don’t contact me outside of school. I have tried making new friends, but people tend to treat me weirdly when I talk to them and this has made me nervous about initiating conversations. I think it’s my fault, somehow, that they see something about me that I don’t realise and this makes me undesirable to be around.

I never really noticed it before, but I think it has been happening for my entire high school career. Now that I know, I am comparing my behaviour with everyone around me, seeing myself as ugly even though I didn’t before, and I have trouble sleeping because I lie awake in bed at night, considering all that is wrong with me that makes people not like me.

I know that I sound pathetic, but that’s not my aim. It’s like nothing I say or do comes across the way I want it to. I’m starting to dislike myself, and occasionally I will apologise to myself in the mirror for being the way I am.

I also think my teachers don’t like me, because I am quiet and I never participate in class and because I act very strangely. I get good marks, though, so I don’t know.

I think it goes without saying that I have never been in a romantic relationship.

To answer your question directly, there’s nothing wrong with who you are. You may be experiencing depression. You are beginning to dislike yourself. You see yourself as “ugly” and “undesirable.” You are blaming yourself for the behavior of others and assuming that you’re the problem in all situations.

People with depression don’t think highly of themselves. Their view of the world is negative and pessimistic. They tend to see themselves as a burden, believing that others would be better off without them. That line of thinking can lead someone to isolate and withdraw from the social world.

Your assessment of this situation may be inaccurate. Depression clouds judgment. You could benefit from therapy. A therapist would objectively analyze your life and determine what treatment is most appropriate. A therapist will assess your social situations, your friendships and the way you interact with others. He or she will also determine whether or not you have depression and if the symptoms are interfering with your relationships and social situations. It’s important to proactively begin treatment when distressing symptoms emerge. This problem can be easily corrected with the assistance of the right therapist and treatment. I hope you will consider professional help. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Should I Check into a Hospital?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 20th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

For about 10 years I have been struggling with depersonalization and anxiety and up until now I have been able to live with it. Recently after having my wisdom teeth out I had a very bad panic episode and started reading about schizophrenia and woke up in the middle of the night with intrusive thoughts of hurting my fiancé. I had slight auditory hallucination one night that I knew where inside my head and not real in addition to very vivid dreams and have had a slight paranoia thinking that people hate me. I did a lot of research and found that I might be suffering from ocd and I have been meeting with a ocd specialist and have told him all of my concerns and he has told me that I have ocd, anxiety, and depression. I fear that I am losing touch with reality because it seems my symptoms are getting worse. I feel emotionally numb and have constant night sweats and have had no appetite for over three weeks. Since I was 20 I have had episodic fears that I have angered god and that the devil is out to ruin my life. Overall I just feel crazy and feel very detached from myself like someone else has inhabited my body and mind. I have been to several therapists over the years and none of them think that I have a psychotic disorder. The most worrying symptom is that I feel like time has sped up, it feels like 15 minutes had gone by while in actuality 2 hours have past. Usually I have years where I feel 100 percent normal and then every 2 to 3 years I have an episode where I feel crazy for about eight months. I really have no clue what to do about all of this, talk therapy has never helped and every day I just feel further away from the happy person that I used to be. I just want these intrusive thoughts to go away so that I can go along with my life. Do you thinking checking myself into the hospital would be a good idea at this point?

I’m sorry that you are suffering. You stated that you have been in therapy for years and it has not helped. Medication might be useful in treating your symptoms.

With regard to checking yourself into a hospital, typically, in order to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, an individual has to be homicidal or suicidal, or in grave danger of imminent death due to their psychiatric symptoms. This is true in most cases. Even if admitted to the hospital, your stay would likely be brief, especially if you are not actively exhibiting suicidal or homicidal thoughts. Alternatively, you may be able to check in to a private psychiatric facility but there are potential drawbacks. It might not be reimbursable by your health insurance company and it could be very expensive. You may want to call the hospital or your insurance company directly for more details.

A hospital stay is a short-term solution but you may need something more for this long-standing problem. Medication might be the solution. Some people are reluctant to take medication but they shouldn’t be. There are many psychiatric medications that specifically target the symptoms you have described. A low dose of medication might significantly reduce your symptoms. You may only need it temporarily. Many people regard medication as a “lifesaver.” It could help you immensely. Discuss this option with your treatment providers. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

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I Don’t Want to Live Anymore

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 15th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m 15 and I have lived the worst life possible so far. My parents are separated and my dad is not in my life anymore he used to keep in touch every once in a while but since last summer after he married my cousin I have not heard from. I have tried to reach out to him numerous of times but nothing seems to work. I constantly beat myself up about the situation assuming its my fault he rather love someone else’s kids than his own. My mom has had a tough time raising my brother and I and we have moved from house to house reason being we have been kicked out because of my mom not paying the rent. My life have been so depressing i used to be so social but this all changed when I met this guy whom I I feel in love with I will keep is name private and call him Julian. Julian was 18 when we first started talking I know that old but younger guys have always took control over me and Julian “did understand me” . I thought we would be together forever and I didn’t want anyone coming in between us but months later I found out he was cheating on me. I still stayed with him but now it’s a year and 8 months later and it seems like I’m in an emotional wreck, I want to leave him but yet I want to stay with him. Although causes so much pain in my life he mentally abuses me and its detroying me. My mom is going crazy just today she called me a “failure” which hurt me more than anything . My brother just graduated and he never is home because he says he needs to escape from home. He used to be the only person who gave me hope but now I have none at all. I cut my self a lot I tried drowning myself and Over dosing but I stopped . But I don’t know what to do I just really don’t want too live anymore !!

You are obviously in a great deal of emotional pain. You’re dealing with a lot and are punishing yourself through self-harm and by attempting to overdose. People who engage in self-harm often do so because they don’t have the necessary coping skills to handle stressful life situations.

Your father’s decision to leave his family was not your fault. He apparently thought it was morally acceptable to abandon his family. His choices are a reflection on him and not a statement of your worth as a human being. You must believe that you are a lovable, worthy person even when your parents make poor choices.

You fell in love with an individual who doesn’t value you. When we do not value ourselves, then we allow others to treat us unkindly. When you come to love and value yourself, you will no longer tolerate being treated unjustly.

Your home life has been unstable and traumatizing. Your mother is unable to support you and even says hurtful things to you. Life is hard for you, as it is for many people, but it will eventually get better. Problems are a part of life. Everyone experiences problems but the key to dealing with them effectively is to arm yourself with good problem-solving skills. These skills can be learned in psychotherapy.

It’s important to seek professional help. In the absence of problem-solving skills, you are resorting to acts of desperation to relieve your emotional pain. Psychotherapy can teach you these essential skills.

If you feel that you may harm yourself, call 911 or go to the emergency room. You should tell your mother about these issues. If you feel that you cannot talk to her, then speak to someone at your school. They can assist you in receiving the proper mental health treatment. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

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Why Am I Angry?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 13th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I get short, testy and sometimes even angry when I get questioned by my girlfriend. I honestly think I’m never wrong (although I know I am sometimes). She is just trying to understand and I take it as a challenge. I don’t want to be this way any more! I need to understand why. I wish I could be easy going and let things slide off my back. It has happened with others. She just happens to be the most frequent. I am a very anal, organized, tidy person. I am also a perfectionist. Please help me understand!

It’s good that you recognize this as a problem. Acknowledging that a problem exists is the first step to making a positive change. It also means that you’re open to change. You have set the stage for a positive outcome.

You have described a very correctable set of problems. You’re short-tempered and impatient. You take out your anger on your girlfriend and perhaps others. Your behavior makes being in your presence unpleasant and undesirable. It could cost you your relationship with your girlfriend. It’s a problem that needs to be corrected.

Anger is a perfectly normal human emotion but it has become out of control for you. Reacting inappropriately with anger and being impatient ultimately stem from an inability to see reality clearly. Picture this scenario: you are driving to work and end up in a traffic jam. You are running late and can’t get there because you’re stuck. It’s infuriating. Your anger reaction is caused by the unrealistic expectation of there being no traffic. While that might be your expectation, it’s not the reality. The reality, at that moment, is a traffic jam. There is nothing you can do to change it. Sitting in traffic is agitating but anger does nothing to change or improve the situation. It’s an inappropriate reaction. What’s the more appropriate reaction? Accept the reality, see it for what it is and adjust your mindset accordingly.

There are several ways to address this problem. The most effective method of treatment would be to see a therapist who specializes in anger management. Therapy will likely focus on the development of new coping skills and new ways of thinking about life situations.

Also consider taking an anger management class. A well-designed anger management program can be immensely effective. You can learn how to properly express your anger in a healthy, constructive manner. You’ll learn that while you can’t control your feelings you can control how you react to them.

A self-help approach involves educating yourself about anger. This would include reading anger management books and workbooks. You may want start with a book designed specifically for men with anger problems called Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Something is Wrong

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 12th, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am sorry to bother you, you probably get stuff like this all the time. Sorry. I um…theres definitely something up. With me. Ive always been nervous around people, but its getting worse. Thats not it though. Um…my brain feels weird, and sometimes I get really scared of the thought of even going outside, to school, etc. I feel really bad. Ill be happy then not. I think someone says my name or whispers but no one did. But it happens when no one is around too. I feel like im being watched a lot and occasionally like someone is reading my mind, then I really freak out. I zone out often to “wake up” kind of confused, wondering for a second where I am, or amazed that I am there. Time is weird too. Half an hour is only a minute or two. Or the opposite. My one friend that knows all of this, said one time I thought there were bugs, the techno listening kind, and that my step dad was a spy for my evil adoptive father (he really is evil), and i said i couldnt trust any one, that i almost turned on him but he convinced me otherwise. I remember it differently though. My brain, sometimes thoughts just kind of stop, like they floated away. Talking is crazy. Ill think I said it real clear but nobody replies. It either mumbles or is gibberish like this: Maybe wejlkdjfalkdfjcmk. I hope that makes sense. My brain is being weird now so this is difficult to. Daydreaming a lot and weird dreams all of the time, and figures in the dark and cool spots, like ghosts, noises. I get really scared. I just spaced and can’t really continue this. Im sorry again. Oh. But i have trouble concentrating, i didnt used to. And remembering things. I really dont ever feel like doing the things Im suppose to or should do.

Symptoms such as “zoning out,” waking up confused, and daydreaming are potentially symptoms of disassociation. You also seem to be experiencing symptoms such as hearing voices, paranoia and anxiety. Those are concerning and unusual symptoms.

If your parents are unaware of your symptoms, please inform them immediately. Ask them if they would schedule you an appointment with a mental health professional for an evaluation. The fact that you are having difficulty making sense of words may be indicative of a possible medical problem. For that reason, you should also consider having a physical examination to rule out any possible medical conditions.

Sometimes, teens don’t feel as though they can speak to their parents. They fear that their parents will not take them seriously. If you feel that you cannot speak to your parents, then go to the school guidance counselor, or another trusted member of your school’s faculty. Report your symptoms and ask if they would speak to your parents on your behalf. It’s imperative that you do not ignore your symptoms and find a way to receive the proper psychological assistance. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice Blog

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Unble to Connect with Others

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW February 23rd, 2021
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hi, I am bipolar and usually cope well. Yesterday i met with my psychologist who suggested i reach out and talk to other more about my depression. This seems like a good idea and is always highlighted by media and psch services as something to do. But I feel very worried about doing so, you see when i am depressed i feel and act like a different person and through the years of living with this disease i have lost many valuable friends through their inability to cope with my depression. Everyone says they are there for you anytime you want to talk, but i don’t believe them, my beliefs have been confirmed today when i reached out to three people in a tentative way (just asked to meet up or text with general conversation)and got nothing back, two are too busy to meet me talk with me, one didnt respond etc. I know for a fact one of them is lying. How can i trust others, who can i talk to?

I don’t fully understand the reasoning behind your psychologist’s suggestion. There’s probably more to his thinking.

It’s always better to have more support than less support. Social support is a critical aspect of depression recovery. Maybe your psychologist thought you needed more support.

People with depression often withdraw and isolate themselves. Isolation increases the intensity of depression. Perhaps that is the reason for the suggestion.

I wouldn’t take the reactions of your friends personally. They may have been busy or had other things they preferred to do. You have your life and they have theirs. There should be some time in both of your lives to be together as friends. But maybe not as much you would like now or they may like at some other time.

Remember that they are not trained professionals. The layperson isn’t prepared to deal with other people’s psychological problems. The best person with whom to consult about psychological problems is a trained mental health professional.

My general advice is that you shouldn’t speak to just anyone about personal matters. Certainly, there are some people who would be better to confide in than others. You should choose someone you trust, respect, someone with whom you can relate or who understands what you’re going through. Be careful about sharing too much personal information, especially with someone who might use it against you. Sharing too much personal information can put you in a vulnerable position.

I would recommend revisiting this issue with your psychologist. Clarify why he or she thinks sharing your personal experience with depression is a good idea. Also inquire about how to choose whom to approach. Perhaps your psychologist can refer you to a depression support group. It would be an ideal place to share your personal feelings since everyone else in the group is also experiencing depression and can relate. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice

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