Tag:

Disabilities

Loneliness Is Killing Me

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP February 28th, 2023

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Please help me with advice. I am disabled and on social benefit. Am 28 years old. I have no one in my life and even though my main diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia I have sadly these incurable, negative symptoms. My family is in ruins. Father is in prison and blocking rest of us life. My mother’s health is getting weaker and my brother is going his own way. My mother can’t sell our properties since father disputes over them. Court might take for expenses our properties. My father isn’t cooperating and I have no one in life. Toxic mother and brother who doesn’t communicate with me anymore. I wanted to make my mother happy so she isn’t alone so I helped her find her lover over dating sites. This man is also financially helping us. But I am always either alone or with my mother (sometimes with her lover). I have no one and no love. She says we will live after their (parents) death. I can inherit as disabled survivors pension only after their death. I can star
t life after their death. I can’t sleep for days, I have tremors and I barely eat. I constantly cry because I have girl from Philippines which I love. She is only light I have. But knowing I won’t be able to be with her many many years is killing me. I can’t stop crying and with her I burst in tears. I am falling apart. She is comforting me and I consider suicide, but she doesn’t allow me. Pain is too much. I promised her to be with her and marry her next year. But it may be longer… All the way until first parent dies. I can’t work since my work capability is revoked. If I start working I loose right to inherit survivors pension which is around 1000$. I would never earn that much by work and part time doesn’t exist. Competition ran over me in freelancing. I can’t do anything but wait. Wait what will they decide. But pain and tears never stop. It’s bitter cold loneliness. I simply hold onto my promise to be with her. I will wait, no matter how ill I get in age when I would finally be with her. She is only reason for me to keep living and not doing suicide. I simply am so afraid to lose her. (From Croatia)

It seems as if there is a complication at every turn, yet I read that you have deep love for others, and have helped your mom find love. This is courage and kindness shining through, even when there are so many issues.

I appreciate you reaching out here to LifeHelper. It is a place where you can read and connect and get help with your daily thoughts. I am going to recommend our forums. They will give you a chance to get support and advice from others who have similar struggles — and they are free.

There are many struggles in your life, but the first and most powerful intervention for yourself right now is to get support through the forums. Feeling better first is part of the process of tackling the other issues.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

February 28, 2023 0 comment

Relapsing and Scared

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW August 3rd, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am hearing voices telling me that I am part of the murder club. They tell me that I am causing a hurricane soon and that it would be best if I cleansed the poison in my body out by taking all my medicines at once.

I know that I shouldn’t listen to the voices and I am trying not to, but I am also scared to tell my mom or my therapist just how much I’m struggling. I don’t want to disappoint them because I’ve been doing so well up until now.

Do you think I will be able to get through this on my own, or what else should I do. I am really scared right now.

Pete Earley, best-selling author of the book Crazy, A Father’s Search Through America’s Mental Health Madness, recently profiled the death of a much-loved mental health advocate named Glenn Koons. The story of Mr. Koons is a tragic one. He was a peer-to-peer advocate who worked with groups such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness. He was recently invited to the White House by President Barack Obama to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Mr. Koons had gone missing and was recently found dead by a utility worker in a small Pennsylvania town. Some believe that he stopped taking his medication, had a relapse and may have been too ashamed and embarrassed to seek help because of his high-profile status as an individual who had recovered from a mental illness.

The tragic story of Mr. Koons’s death underscores the importance of seeking help. It also highlights the reality that there is no shame in seeking help. No one is certain what happened to Mr. Koons but it is possible that his death could have been prevented. No one knows with certainty what Mr. Koons was thinking and the speculation could be completely inaccurate; however, for many people it is the fear of failure and embarrassment that stops them from getting life-saving help. This should not be the case.

Would you feel embarrassed about seeking help for a broken leg or a bleeding ulcer? I highly doubt it. The same logic should apply when seeking help for a mental illness. There is a stubborn and inaccurate belief in our society that asking for help for a psychological problem equates to being weak or to not having the willpower to handle your own problems. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Each of us faces a series of problems throughout our lives. The nature and severity of those problems varies to one degree or another but problems are a part of daily life. They are a part of human existence. Relapses do happen. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Feeling ashamed is tantamount to blaming yourself for hearing voices. The fact that you hear voices is not your fault. If your loved one were suffering in a similar manner, you would hope and expect that they would come to you for help. It sounds as though you have a supportive mother who loves you. You also have access to a therapist. Please utilize the resources that you have available to you.

Treatments are available that can decrease or eliminate your unpleasant symptoms. Get help as soon as possible. It is the only correct way to handle this situation. I wish you the best luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
@DrKRandle

September 30, 2011 0 comment

Learning Issue Affecting Work Performance

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW September 18th, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hi, lately I have been more and more concerned that I am a slow learner and get nervous socially especially in a new crowd of people. This year I started a new job and did not pass my 3 month probation, the reasons given were that I took a long time to get up to speed with the job and still continued to make errors, I work too slowly and am not cut out for sales. This did not come as a shock as I was told this 4 weeks in and that I needed to pick up the pace in order to pass. I came in to work early every day and stayed back late to ensure that I met sales targets and had extra time up my sleeve to check my work and correct any errors. However I still could not acheive as much in a day as my colleagues who did not stay back a second longer. The manager also said that I was very quiet and nobody would know I was in the office if I didn’t keep asking stupid questions all day. This is not an isolated incident as in the past I have had feedback from previous employers that I was below standard and took a long time to get the hang of things and can recall countless other failures in my life even though I tend to put more time and effort into tasks than others. Basically I am trying to find out if I have a learning issue or simply a low iq and how can I go about improving myself? I have been lucky enough to have gotten another job and would really like to stay, I am 4 months into a 6 month probation period and feedback so far has been mostly positive. However I do work longer hours than other people in my office and need to spend more time checking my work and have come accross quite a few errors. I am in sales once again and am down the bottom of the sales stats with other staff who are also new but I do realise my employers will expect my stats to rise in good time. Speaking of time, time management is a major issue for me and is something I have been researching trying different techniques to improve myself. Any advise you have would be much appreciated.

An important first step is to be evaluated to determine whether or not you have a learning disability. For many people, these evaluations take place when they are children but that is not the case for everyone. There are likely many adults struggling with unidentified learning disabilities.

I am not familiar with the disability services in your country. I would encourage you to investigate how you can receive a learning disability evaluation. Check with your local health department, hospital or the government personnel. They may be able to point you in the right direction.

In the United States, individuals with disabilities have certain rights that their employers, by law, have to provide. If it were determined that you have a disability, this would likely help your employer to better understand the difficulties you are facing with your job. It might also mean that your employer would have to alter the job requirements to accommodate your unique needs. This may translate into a job that is tailored to your personal needs and abilities.

Consider discussing your concerns with your employer. It might help to clarify any misunderstandings related to your work performance.

You also mentioned that you feel nervous in front of others. This anxiety may be contributing to problems at work. You may find it beneficial to see a therapist. Therapists are trained to teach people how to deal with anxiety and many other problems. In addition, the therapist might also help you to improve your time management and organizational skills. Gaining these skills would very likely improve your work performance. It might also increase your confidence level.

Below are links to two websites that provide resources for adults with disabilities. Some of the information provided on these websites are geared toward American citizens but there is general information that is universally applicable. I hope this helps. Please take care.

National Dissemination Center for Children With Disabilities

Learning Disabilities Association of America

Dr. Kristina Randle

July 23, 2011 0 comment

OCD and Eating Disorder?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 13th, 2020

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I am 23 year old woman who is underweight and having food issues. My height is about 4’10ft and my weight is around 66lbs.

In the last 8 months I have lost over 30lbs. It all started with me wanting to be healthy. I wanted to make my husband proud of my food choices so I started cutting my portion size. After a few months, A relative commented on how many carbohydrates I eat and my husband also commented on the amount of bread I have so I started limiting carbohydrates to a slice of bread every few days.

I then stopped eating all foods besides steamed veggies, coffee, herbal tea, Dark Chocolate, and oatmeal. Mainly because I wanted to lose weight. My calorie intake is always 800 or lower. What I consider a good day is if I eat around 400-500 calories. I consider days when I eat around 600-800 fat days.

One major trigger for me was looking at my husband’s ex girlfriend picture. She looked so skinny and ever since I saw her picture, I felt like he settled with me looks wise. In our first few months after meeting, my husband made a comment on liking well toned girls, and I wasn’t exactly well toned. Plus I have a few disabilities and most doctors say it good that I am not overweight.

I then started obsessing over food and calories whenever something horrible happened. I become more eager to lose weight. I sometimes feel that all that I am good at. After a while I started doing a routine. I plan my activities for the next day including my meals. I started paying more attention to things being out of place, washing dishes even if it just a spoon is in the sink; separating food, cutting it into pieces, chewing it about 30 times,

Now that I lost weight, I find comfort in my appearance in a way, like seeing the bones in my hand, the lack of muscle in my legs but I still feel the need to lose weight. I get anxious whenever I see a woman that is petite or skinny and I feel like a failure. Though I also feel proud when I weigh less than someone else or if I lost weight.

I wrote an e-mail to another expect on a site and they thought I have OCD. I also think I have OCD. I just want to know if it just OCD or do I have an eating disorder.

Having never had the opportunity to interview you in person makes it difficult for me to provide a diagnosis over the Internet. My recommendation would be to have an in-person psychiatric evaluation to determine if you have a mental health disorder. Having said that, it is reasonable to believe that you may have an eating disorder. In addition to an eating disorder, you may also have OCD.

It makes sense that eating disorders and OCD would co-occur. Both disorders are fundamentally about control. Symptoms of eating disorders and OCD are external manifestations showing an attempt to gain additional control. The individual is actually losing control because the process to gain control becomes obsessive and eventually denies the individual the freedom to make rational, healthy choices.

Your story is a common one. An individual begins to diet and loses a few pounds. Others begin to notice the weight loss and compliment them. It is reinforcing. They like the compliments and figure “five pounds was good but 15 would be better.” They begin restricting more and eating less. For some people, they lose the weight they want and are able to maintain that weight. For others, they can’t stop. Some have described it as an addiction that overtakes them. Each pound they lose makes them feel better about themselves. It gives them a sense of power and control that they may never have felt before. These are the people who often develop eating disorders. The problem is that no amount of weight loss will ever be able to make them feel “good enough.” They may think “five more pounds and I will feel really good about myself; then I will be happy” but it doesn’t work that way. It is an illusion.

There are other causes of eating disorders and they can be found in the many, many books written specifically on this complex subject.

The reality of your situation is that you are heading down a dangerous path. You’ve lost a significant amount of weight and it doesn’t seem as though you can stop yourself from continuing to engage in destructive weight loss behavior. Eating disorders are very dangerous. People die from eating disorders for a number of reasons but primarily because they starve their bodies of the vital food and nutrients that it needs to function properly. It is imperative that you seek help as soon as possible. The longer that you wait to seek help the more your body will suffer. Please get help. I wish you the best.

Dr. Kristina Randle

July 12, 2011 0 comment