Illuminati Archives - LifeHelper

Ok well where do I start? I have been dealing with anxiety for about three years now. It started about 3 years ago after I interned at a hospital and was really stressed over getting hired there. I guess I should add that while working there I had to handle and clean the deceased, which was also the first time I actually saw someone who was mentally ill. At the time however it really didn’t affect me or I didn’t think it did. So about maybe 3 months after I finished my internship I started to worry about having a medical condition (brain tumor, brain aneurysm, HIV, cervical cancer, ovarian cancer, colon cancer). So my first attack came when I was googling a symptom and I raised my hand to say “hey I have that” well my husband asked me why I raised my hand and I went blank and thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t immediately say something after I raised my hand. That time I felt more of the psychical symptoms of anxiety. So the attacks lasted about maybe a month or so and then went away for a year.

The next year I was googling “the Illuminati” and it said how some people believe that they (the people in the illuminati) are demons disguised in human form. I DONT believe that BUT I was thinking about it right after reading it. I went to bed to get ready to go to sleep and my husband was humming which he never does I got creeped out! I started thinking “omg what if that is true and my husband is a demon” so I had an anxiety attack because that was a really creepy thought. I didn’t understand how I could have a thought so unrealistic. I should add that at the time we were having financial troubles and I had got fired a couple of months prior. So again the attacks lasted a month or so then went again.
UNTIL now! I was again at a stressful job and I was having problems with my husband and I was at work talking to a customer over the phone and noticed how hansom the customer sounded. I began to think how could I think someone sounds hansom if I’m having trouble with my husband. So I began to have an anxiety attack and after left work and went home. The next day I tried to go back but I felt so anxious and quit without saying a word. I felt guilty for quitting like that and that guilt stayed with me for a while. At that moment I felt like I lost control over my anxiety.

So anyways one night the night before my birthday. I was up very late maybe about 3 or 4 in the morning I was laying in bed on my phone and out of no where the thought of “crazy people” (and I hate to say it in that way) popped into my head. I started to think about how they hear voices. So I wanted to see if I could make myself hear voices. So I did it purposely in my head but it was my thinking voice just creepier. I should add that what I made myself say was “kill them” because that’s what I would think “crazy people” hear? At first I kind of chuckled because I thought it was silly BUT then I kept doing it and I got so terrified :/ I had the worst anxiety attack! This attack however was more of a mental emotion. I was scared like I’ve never been in my life. I cried for a good 15-20 minutes I had to wake up my husband and then started shaking until I fell asleep. So the next couple of days I was still doing the “voices” and figured out I was the one controlling what I was saying, but I started to think “what if I hurt my children” because what I initially made myself say was something of that nature. I became slightly depressed for thinking these thoughts and I didn’t think that anxiety was the cause. I also had been seeing things well mistaking things for other things. I also became really scared that I wasn’t going to be able to recognize myself so when I look at myself in the mirror I always think I look different, I know its me but I feel like I look odd. I also feel like my family sometimes looks different like I know it’s them but it feels odd I don’t know if it’s because of the same fear? I also sometimes think my thoughts in other peoples voices well I can make myself do it. Anyways I went to go see a therapist and she assured me that I didn’t have schizophrenia or psychosis all I have is anxiety. BUT she is not a psychologist she is an lpc so I felt and still do feel insecure with her diagnoses. I went to a psychologist for a second opinion but he was NO help he was mad because I arrived late to our session. He also told me he could not give me a answer from one session and that even if he could he wouldn’t, he was very rude to say the least. I don’t have money to go to a psychologist again and I can only afford my therapist. The biggest reason for my concern today is that I drove my husband to work today as I do everyday day. We wake up really early about 4:30am I didn’t get a lot of sleep I fell asleep maybe about 1:00am I was really sleepy anyways after we (my kids and I) came home from leaving him at work I was walking upstairs and my child was walking in front of me and I thought I saw him walk into his brothers room I even laughed a little because I thought “aww he’s sleepy he doesn’t know where he’s going so I went into the room and called his name and noticed he wasn’t there he had gone to my room but I thought I saw him clear as day walk into the other room. So I’m scared that I was hallucinating. After that I started to think well “what if I’m just imagining him being in my room” or “what if I start believing he’s another person” I just feel like I have so many symptoms of schizophrenia like bad memory maybe that’s why I feel like I’m not going to be able to recognize myself? Also I’m clumsy, I isolate myself from people I don’t really have friends sometimes I think what if I was actually hearing voices at times I also have that feeling like I need to turn around and see if anything or anyone is behind me and now I might be hallucinating! I’m scared I might have schizophrenia or paranoid schizophrenia. I’m just so tired of thinking.
Thank You in advance for any reply 🙂

The level of your concern and the fact that you are actively agitated leads me to think it is time for an evaluation. I would look for one of two professionals: Either psychiatrists, who can give you a diagnosis which will then help determine the kind of treatment that will work best, or a clinical psychologist specializing in testing. Both of these individuals have the ability to make accurate diagnoses. This would then allow you and your therapist to plan a course of treatment that can help you manage the symptoms.

Getting an accurate diagnosis is a good first step. This way you and your therapist can work together on a treatment plan.

A treatment plan should include two basic parts: the first part to deal with the symptoms, and the second part to find a way to highlight your strengths and develop your skills.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

Hi, I came here to this site because I really don’t know what else to do. I guess I will try to explain as best I can and sincerely hope I hear back soon. So last night my best friend of 5 years claimed that he had an “epiphany” and that he had been spoken to by God. Now neither me nor him are very religious at all and it came as a shock to me. He had been texting me at various times in the day and repeating that “God loves us.” and other things he would not normally say. Concerned, I told him I was coming over to his house and he said he had something to show me that would speak to my heart. Upon exiting my car he was already outside and he embraced me and said it was good that I was there. This was the first odd instance of a situation that began to snowball out of control. I followed him into his house and he sat me down. He began again ranting about God and his love for us. He then pulled up a video from the internet that detailed various parts of the book of revelations and conspiracies about the “illuminati” He would not stop ranting and he was beginning to frighten me. I disagreed with his many theories though I listened whole heartedly to each one. He began calling me “Satan” and would not stop going on and on about “the end times” and was spouting various philosophical and religious non-senses. The look in his eyes was so terrifying, like a wild animal, caged and afraid. He ran away from me and locked himself in his bathroom and took 2 showers and a bath. When he came out I discovered that he had taken a bible into the bath with him and submerged it. He claimed that he was baptizing himself. After this he simply broke down to complete tears. He would say “Oh my God. You’ve been here the whole time.” over and over to me. I laid him on the bed and held his hand while he drifted from laughter to paranoia and fear to a seeming state of bewilderment. Reading him scriptures from another bible he had seemed to calm him down. It didn’t last long, as he began to refer to me as the arch-angel Gabriel, saying I was the messenger of God, my name coincidentally being Gabriel. He began to spout various conspiracy theories ranging from being poisoned by the illuminati to Obama being the anti-christ. I was terrified by his inane ramblings so I took him to the ER. I was convinced he had taken a hard drug of some sort or perhaps some hallucinogen. He was terrified of everyone and especially the dark. He felt that the darkness outside would pervade his body and send him to hell. Doctors weraing dark blue scrubs would also terrify him and his eyes would become large and he would attempt to run. After getting him to cooperate they took a sample of his blood and urin to test for drug use. No drugs were found in his system. He was still very emotionally unstable and was constantly saying nonsensical things. He has since been admitted to a psychiatric ward. They have no solid answers for his sudden insanity. They said it could be anything from dehydration to schizophrenia to bi-polar disorder to depression. All I know for certain is this one day he simply snapped. The person I know has seemingly disappeared. I still have no answers. I am so terrified that I’ve lost him and he’s never coming back. I believe he may have schizophrenia due to his symptoms. (paranoia, delusions of grandeur, mood swings, etc) He has never shown any symptoms like this before. As I said, he simply went insane. I don’t know what to do anymore and am very frightened. Please, I need some answers.

Your friend may have had a psychotic break. Psychosis is associated with psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and major depression with psychotic features, among others. There are occasions when an individual has one psychotic episode and never another. Clinically, that’s referred to as schizophreniform disorder. It’s too soon to know if he has any of the aforementioned disorders.

People do not typically “snap.” It’s rare. In typical cases of psychosis, there are definitive signs leading up to the episode. It’s unclear whether you were in contact with your friend before his episode. Perhaps the early signs were missed.

You correctly suspected illicit drug use as a possible explanation. Despite testing negative, drug use could have contributed to his psychosis. Perhaps he ingested a short-acting drug. For instance, an occasional cocaine user might only test positive for several days after use. It is also possible that he had an adverse reaction to prescription medication. Certain prescription drugs such as steroids and stimulants can cause psychosis. Alcohol use and alcohol withdrawal can both cause psychosis.

Other medical conditions that can cause psychosis include stroke, epilepsy, brain tumors or cysts, and certain brain diseases including Parkinson’s or Huntington’s disease.

Thankfully, he is receiving psychiatric care in a hospital setting. That is the best place for him. The psychiatric staff are constantly monitoring his symptoms to determine the best course of treatment. You made the correct choice when you took him to a hospital. He is lucky to have you as a friend.

It’s unclear what happened to your friend. Perhaps there will be clarification upon his discharge. In the meantime, try to be supportive. Experiencing psychosis is frightening. Visit him in the hospital and let him know that you’ll assist him in any way that you can. Hopefully, such an episode will never happen again. Please keep me posted on his recovery. Don’t hesitate to write again with additional questions.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Illuminati

Terrified of Becoming a Schizophrenic

Best Friend Went “Crazy”