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Leaving Home

Questioning My Mental Status

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP October 24, 2021

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

The Reason I am writing on here is because at this time in my life I am not able to see a therapist but I am going through some questionable moments right now. At the current time for at least a week and a half I have been depressed. I’ve had bouts of depressed on and off before, but I don’t recall it being this severe, I am starting to question my mental status just a few months before leaving home. Usually I am a motivated hard working chatterbox who likes to do stuff and be silly. But I will admit I get a lot of mood swings where I am angry or I’m crying or something but I usually blame it on that time of the month. Lately though no matter what I Force myself to do to try and cheer up I cant shake the depression (and its not that time of the month) Its like I keep battling myself and I feel that the problem is getting worse. All I want to do is sleep and listen to music and I feel like I can’t even talk to mom about it nor do I want to talk about it, I’ve only talked to my friend. I keep putting on a face because I don’t like people knowing I don’t feel well, but my mom knows something’s up. I haven’t been keeping up on stuff I usually do and it’s making me get angry with myself for basically slacking. Part of me says it’s all in my head but another part of me says something’s not right. I wouldn’t say I haven’t had thoughts of death but I always find a way of rationalizing in my head why not to do it. Yet I wonder if this keeps getting worse how much will it take before I completely lose it? I am sure the following do not help, my thyroid is underactive and I used to get sick often, (but now I am very healthy, taking all my supplements and even my doctor is very impressed and that I am physically in very good shape). My home life is stressful; my dad is sociopathic and has been to 3 therapists yet refuses to change. I would just like to move on in life. I know this is probably a bit choppy but any insight would help.

I applaud your effort for writing us here and asking directly for help. There are three things that you have said that I think require some attention.

The first is the medical need for action. First, since you are seeing a physician I would ask him or her to recommend an outpatient clinic that would be able to see you for psychotherapy on a free or sliding scale basis. Therapy is a good idea so that you can manage some of your emotional needs through the help of a therapist. Many local community hospitals have this service and it would be good to capitalize on your connection with your physician.

Second, I would also recommend attending an Alanon meeting. While I realize you have not mentioned that someone you know has an alcohol issue, it may be the case where you are aware of someone in your sphere who has a problem. Even if not I would recommend attending an open Alanon meeting. Often the culled wisdom they offer is strikingly similar if you are dealing with someone with chronic mental illness (as you say your dad is) or dealing with those who have an alcohol problem. The support from such a group might be very helpful.

Finally, I would encourage you to join one of our online forums to discuss your situation with others who will understand. This is a free service and can help you get the support you need.

Wishing you patience and peace,

Dr. Dan

October 24, 2021 0 comments

He can’t find joy in life anymore

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker March 15, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m 22 and for almost two years now I’ve been confused with life and emotion. After a woman I loved left me for her own selfish reasons, that I’ve been over for a while now, I feel a general lack of feeling in most cases. Things that made me happy and excited don’t have as deep an impact any longer. I used to find a ton of joy in playing guitar, listening to music, and watching movies or playing video games.

That said, the most prevalent emotion I can feel intensely is rage, my current girlfirned who I’ve been with for over a year and has been living with me most of that time can vouch for me. I feel like she makes a lot of stupid idiotic mistakes and I can’t help but feel extremely angry at her even for small things that don’t matter much. Also, I couldn’t hold a job at Radioshack where I had to talk to customers because their stupidity and even the way they talked made me so angry that it impeded my job performance.

Also, I have trouble motivating myself to do even simple things that I typically don’t do everyday. Like if I have to go visit my grandparent’s or help a friend with something, I would rather sleep in or blow them off because I don’t feel like leaving home. However, this couples with the fact that it seems like none of my friends have time to do anything anyways. I’m 22 so most of them have jobs or are also in school, but they literally seem to never have time. On top of that, I feel like everyone is bound to betray me or are out to rip me off somehow. Even people I have known for years and care about. Additionally, strange things make me really sad, like even writing this is making me tear up. When I see families or friends laughing and having a good time, when I’m in public and just observing people, it makes me so depressed taht I sometimes have to leave where I’m at to hide so no one will see me cry. Smiley faces and other symbols like that also make me sad. I generally feel very unhappy and incomplete.

I have no sexual desires for my girlfriend, but like the companionship. Sometimes I don’t even want her to be near me though, and I just hate the thought of spending time with her. I very rarely can find myself in any kind of aroused state and I feel very dull and bored most of the time. I find myself thinking of death and the end of the world and other horribly dismal things. At college when the other students who seem to generally be much younger than me make stupid remarks or speak improperly it makes me want to tear their bodies apart.

Typically I hold this all in, because no matter who I tell I feel like no one takes me seriously. I’ve been in 3 different schools after high school ended. This is the one I know I’ll finish in, but I just feel like I’m a joke among people who know me for that. Most of my life I’ve felt embarrassed about myself, whether it be my body, the way I talk, or the way I look in some way.

I’m just so tired of being overwhelmed with such intense emotions and not being able to find joy in life anymore.

I’m so very sorry that the joy has gone out of living for you. I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of only a letter, of course. But it’s a strong possibility that you are suffering from a major depression.

Most universities (including yours) have counseling services. Please take advantage of help that is so readily available. Make an appointment to have an initial meeting with a counselor. If you are too embarrassed to tell your story, bring your letter. You did an excellent job describing what life has been like for you. With the support of a therapist and perhaps some medicine, you could be feeling at least a little better in a month or two. I’m glad that it’s summer and that you have a break from classes. This is a good time to get a jump-start on taking care of yourself.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

March 15, 2021 0 comments

Does my mom need help?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker June 29, 2011

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m 15 years old. I have two older sisters and we all find ourselves getting frustrated with our mom often. I know this is common with kids and their parents but I feel like my relationship with my mom is different. She sits around all day and yells at us from across the house whenever she needs something done even if it is something as little as getting the remote that fell on the floor a few feet away from her. She gets angry fast like if you don’t do something fast enough or if you say no to her. When we try to talk about something important she doesn’t listen at all and just starts yelling. For example, my oldest sister was talking to her about paying for college and my mom just started yelling and swearing at her. Her most often outrages are on days we all clean together. She starts yelling and saying we did something wrong and sometimes even hits us. Usually it’s me she goes after if she tries to hurt one of us. Then she goes on her computer while we finish cleaning. The next day she just acts as though nothing happened. She also makes herself believe we’re not thankful for the things she does for us and doesn’t believe us when we say we are. Is it stress that causes her to act like this or could there be something else?

My sisters are both leaving home this year and I’m scared to be left in a house alone with her because I’m not going to have anyone to protect me anymore if she does get angry again and tries to hurt me. I don’t want to leave to live with my dad because I also have a little sister and I don’t want her to go through the same thing my sisters and I have. Is there some way I can help my mom so this stops happening?

Your mother may not know it or show it, but she is lucky to have such a caring daughter as you. Instead of just getting angry, you are concerned. Me too. It’s possible that your mother is depressed. Yes, I know. Most people think of depression as sad. But some people get irritable and easily set off. It doesn’t sound like there is much that gives your mother satisfaction — even having 4 daughters who are growing up and doing well. My guess is that she is overwhelmed and unable to acknowledge that something is terribly wrong.

You mention a dad but you didn’t talk about whether you have approached him about the situation. You’re right that your younger sister needs protection. So do you. Could you and all your sisters confide in your dad? Perhaps he could talk to your mother about getting some help. Maybe he could offer that both you and your younger sister could stay with him to give your mother a break.

If your dad isn’t someone you trust to help you, please think hard about whether there is another adult who might help your family. Do you have a grandparent or another relative you could ask to help your mom? How about the school guidance counselor?

No kid should feel unsafe in her own home. No kid should feel responsible for the safety of a younger sibling when it’s all she can do to take care of herself. I’m very glad you wrote. Now please follow up and get someone involved who can offer you support and practical help.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

June 29, 2011 0 comments