Tag:

Mask

Am I safe from him?

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP May 23rd, 2023

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been married to my husband for six years. Three years ago he’s physically abused me about 4-5 times. He blamed it on the alcohol and I’ve felt it was my fault as well because I provoked it. I’d always get angry with him for getting drunk and coming home late. I was getting tired of it and I always told him I was going to leave. But every time I tried to walk out that door he’d hurt me in so many ways. The abuse has stopped now and we are fine. Things are perfect between us but I’m he will go back to his old ways. He still drinks but not as much as he used to. Recently he told me he wanted to start a family with me. Also, just this past week he has shown signs of jealousy. I think it’s because I am going out more and I have more friends. Prior to this I would only go out with him. He tells me it’s fine that I go out and have a good time but when I come home late he’d question me as if I was having an affair. I love him and I would never do anything to hurt him. Please help me understand what my relationship can lead to. Am I safe? Thank you for reading and sharing your advice.

I am glad you have written and have asked the question. The short answer to your question is “no.” You are not safe. There are three things that prompt me to be so direct.

First, your husband displays a very particular profile of men with anger management issues which involves alcohol / drug abuse, jealousy, and a history of being physically abusive. This is a VERY difficult pattern of behavior to change. It requires a significant amount of desire and commitment to therapy and recovery. While I am glad that things are okay, I know how difficult it is for true change to happen for men with anger management problems.

You did not mention any treatment for your husband like AA or an anger management group. He cannot make any significant gains if he continues to drink. The alcohol is both a mask and then a lit fuse for his unresolved anger.

Finally, he blames you and doesn’t take responsibility for his own behavior. Adding a baby to the mix is likely to increase his stress. The barometer will be his signs of jealousy and then increased drinking. With other men like your husband it is typically only a matter of time before abuse happens again.

The real work here is for you to get some support. Your community should have a women’s center. Please call them and start counseling with them. Explain what is happening so that you can get some support. This organization can help you find a women’s center nearby.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

May 23, 2023 0 comment

Am I Psychotic?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 13th, 2023

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hello Doctor, ill try to make this breif: my lifestyle: i go to work from 8 am till 6 pm, when i get back home, i do some compulsive behaviours, then spend the rest of the night getting high on cannabis or alcohol while watching Star Trek (obssesivly). medications: i am on anti depression and anti psychotic medications.

My Problem: since the last 10 years i was hiding my pain and hold a mask over my face to make people happy, but now i had it. i can no longer hold the true nature of my situation, which is: i donnt want a job, i dont want freinds, i want to be left alone, i dont want human interaction, i feel its unreal, i only feel real when im by myself, in my room, watch “Star Trek”, i told my doctor that people have noticed odd behaviours from me, i used to hold these behavoiurs, but now they control me, i imagine a situation in my head, and then i try avoiding it, somtimes i yell, somtimes i talk to myself, i dont control it anymore. i had 5 failed engagements!! i couldnt take the pain, so i found a way to block pain, and now, i cant feel anything. my faimly are devastated, i cant control my cannabis use, if i did, i would jump to alcohol, and if i stopped drinking, i restart smoking cannabis. my doctor says that im bipolar, i disagree. every job i get, i get fired, because i cant keep up, i try to avoid talking to people all the time. all i want to do is be alone with my thoughts and fantasies. am i making any sense.

You asked whether you are psychotic. Not feeling that human interaction is real may be a sign of psychosis. You also mentioned that you engage in “odd behaviors.” Since you did not elaborate on those problems, I don’t have enough information to provide a definitive answer about your being psychotic.

What further complicates your situation is your drug and alcohol use. Your symptoms may be a direct result of your substance abuse. The only way to verify if your symptoms are being affected by your drug use would be to stop using drugs. The main problem is that you feel as though you can’t stop which may mean that you have an addiction.

Your doctor diagnosed you with bipolar disorder. What’s encouraging is that you have been evaluated by a doctor. I would recommend reporting all of your symptoms to your doctor, including the fact that you are using drugs and alcohol. Many people might try to conceal that information from their doctor but your doctor should know. It could help to identify what may be wrong.

At this point in time, you are unhappy and are not functioning well. As you said, using drugs is your way of avoiding dealing with your problems but it is only making them worse. Your symptoms are concerning and should be treated. The correct way to handle this situation is to get help. Speak to your doctor and report your drug use. He or she can refer you to the proper mental health professionals. The longer you wait, the worse your symptoms will likely become. Act now. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

January 13, 2023 0 comment

I Want to Kill but My Problem Seems Different than Others

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW January 18th, 2021

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have searched the site as you recommend and I haven’t found anything like this. First off I haven’t killed anyone yet because I’m not stupid. I want to kill and not just people who have slighted me (even thought the worms deserve it) I mean people in general and I’ve been planning how, when, where and everything else you can think of, I want to feel a persons blood on me and watch them die, I know this is not normal. To add to this I really don’t care about people, I have friends but I fake all emotion they may perceive, I have had relationships with the opposite sex but it always ends because faking is tiring and after a few months of it I have to stop. Also, sometimes I can’t tell if I am dreaming or not and I have killed in my dreams but I made sure every time that it was not real. A few months ago I was sure that two demons were living in my head and telling me commands from some dark omnipotent presence that wanted souls and I was an “agent”. I convinced myself that this was all fake but sometimes I still see dark things moving just out of sight. They still whisper to me but not with the same fervor as before. I’m also pretty sure that I am a narcissist, I’m pretty awesome. Also, I feel like no one else gets me, I can’t share with people what I think,I can hint at it but it just gets dismissed. I am a pretty popular guy and all the kids who I suspect feel the same way are weird and the facade they put up to mask the inner demons is weak. I am worried no one will take me seriously. (too many people fake for attention) Also, at random times I will become terrified that someone or something I can’t see is trying to kill me and then it will subside after a little bit. I could go on about more things but these don’t concern me enough to mention. I want to kill but not go to jail and my only way out seems to get help or not get caught, the latter seems riskier. I want to see a therapist or psychiatrist but I’m afraid to tell my parents why. My life is perfect, I have never been abused in any way and only have 2 of the killers triad. (I stopped bed wetting at a normal age) On the sanity quiz I scored a 75 (making me think I am a hypochondriac) but I had 5 serious concerns being: Schizophrenia,Mania & Bipolar Disorder,Alcohol/Drug Issues, Technology Issues, Obsessions & Compulsions (OCD runs in my family and I thought these don’t bother me enough to warrant professional help) Is this normal and nobody talks about it or should I seek help? How should I tell my mom? (she is seeing a therapist for manic depression if that pertains to my question) Please take me seriously, I’m not trying to think of some crazy question to ask to “troll” you wonderful people, I am being serious and I hope you think I am too. Thank you for performing this service.

Your desire to want to kill people is not normal or healthy. It is a sign that something may be wrong. It is also a sign that you should seek help immediately.

You described several symptoms that are concerning and potentially indicative of a mental illness. These symptoms include: the fact that you cannot tell if you are dreaming or not, believing that there are two demons giving you commands and your belief that you are their “agent.” Those may be signs of a break with reality.

To answer your questions directly, it is abnormal to want to kill people and to be experiencing symptoms that may be consistent with a break with reality.

Yes, you should speak to your parents about your symptoms. Request that they have you evaluated by a mental health professional. If your parents do not take your request seriously, I would recommend having them read my response to your questions. It is imperative that you seek help immediately for these issues. If you are experiencing a break with reality or are on the verge of a break with reality, there are treatments available that can prevent such an occurrence. One should always attempt to prevent a psychotic episode when possible.

I only have a very limited amount of information and thus cannot determine with any certainty whether you have a mental illness. That is why it is imperative that you receive an in-person, psychological evaluation to determine what if anything may be wrong.

I hope that you are able to receive the help that you deserve. Do not ignore your symptoms and ask for help immediately. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

January 18, 2021 0 comment