Tag:

Numbness

I Just Can’t Seem to Be Helped

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW April 15th, 2024

I have never been diagnosed with anything, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of things recently, and it impacted my everyday life greatly. People started noticing and they tried to help. My friends tried to do as much as they could but, us all being high school students and them having their own life to live they eventually stopped talking about it. I live alone with my mother and we have a very bad relationship so I didn’t really turn toward her for help. In the end it was just my partner that stayed by my side and did everything he could to make my life a bit easier.

One of the big problems is that I have a tendency not to feel things when I’m upset, and it can last for months or even years at a time, so when I’m in a bad place and he tries to help, and he goes out of his way to ease my burden even if it’s just a little, and I know that my non-reaction to all of his sacrifices is hurting him. He feels worthless because no matter how hard he tries I just don’t seem to be able to accept his help.

I know that I’m hurting him by just doing nothing and being empty but I just can’t snap out of it. No matter what he says to cheer me up, or when he tells me that I’m beautiful and that I’m the best things to ever happen to him, I just listen and think “Yeah, we both know that’s not true”.

I feel like I just can’t be helped, like it’s just plain impossible. I know exactly what’s wrong and I don’t do anything about it to the point of hurting the one person that I love. I keep destroying myself and I can’t seem to care, even if I know that I should care and that I should get professional help.

I feel like an empty shell, even typing this I don’t know if it’s sincere of if it’s just me pretending to care. I really don’t know what to do and it doesn’t bother me at all, I don’t even know what I’m expecting of this. I won’t say “help me” because really I feel nothing, but I don’t want my partner to suffer because of me. What can I do about that?

The symptoms you have described may be consistent with depression. People with depression often use similar words and phrases to describe their experiences. They feel numb. Their friends and family try to help, without much success. They can’t get out of bed. Every day seems worse than the day before. They feel like a burden to people, and so on. Depression can feel like a never-ending cycle of sadness and hopelessness.

Depression most assuredly feels bad but it is treatable. In fact, it may be one of the most treatable mental health conditions in the world. It’s only untreatable when people fail to seek help. Great treatments are available for depression and virtually all mental health conditions. Many people simply don’t seek help for it and suffer needlessly. Don’t make that mistake.

It’s also important to note that I’m not diagnosing you with depression or any other condition. Diagnosis over the Internet is impossible. Thus, it’s important for you to consult, in-person, a professional who can assess your symptoms and determine what may be wrong. They would be in the best position to help you.

Let’s further examine the idea that you cannot be helped. You’ve never consulted a professional, yet you have concluded that you cannot be helped. Logically, that’s a very inconsistent and irrational position.

Imagine, for a moment, that you had broken your leg. In this scenario, you never go to a doctor. You simply lugged around your broken leg and tolerated the immense pain. That’s essentially what you’re doing by not having sought treatment for the symptoms you have described. You are simply living with your emotional pain, never having sought professional help and subsequently concluding that you are a hopeless case. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When you recognize that something is wrong, and you’re not feeling good, you should always consult a professional. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all struggle from time to time and need the assistance of experts. Mental health treatment is available if you ask for it.

Regarding your partner, neither of you should have the expectation that he could cure these problems. As a layperson, he does not have expertise to effectively treat your symptoms. You would not have expected him to fix a broken leg because everyone knows only a trained physician, with expertise in orthopedics, could do that. Apply that same logic to mental health problems. Friends and family can offer you support but they cannot treat mental health problems. They are simply not trained to do so. Mental health professionals have the right expertise to help you.

I would highly recommend that you consult a mental health professional. If you don’t feel comfortable asking your mother, then perhaps another relative could assist you. Another option is to ask your family doctor or the school guidance counselor for their assistance.

Your symptoms are highly treatable if you are open and willing to seek help. I hope that my letter has convinced you to seek treatment. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

April 15, 2024 0 comment

Think I’m Worrying an Unhealthy Amount

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 24th, 2024

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Around a month and a half ago, my friend introduced to a new drug i hadn’t experimented with called spice. We went outside for a smoke and i treated the substance like marijuana. With it being “synthetic marijuana” i assumed that would be appropriate. Easy to say i overdosed. 5-10 minutes after we smoked my legs began to get numb. I was freaking out. The numbness continued to move upward and eventually i became limp(fainted). All i remember was thinking i was going to die. The worst expirence of my life.i kept telling myself breath you will live. I woke up feeling dizzy and light-headed. Those symptoms went away but now all i think about is somethjng being wrong. I feel like my vision is messed up, way to hard to describe. Sometimes only my eyes zone out where i can still do task but my eyes are focused on one thing. It hasnt impaired my memory and at times i believe my memory to have increase. I have relatively small panic attacks with a few larger ones mainly occuring when im bored, alone, or getting ready for bed. Am i ok? Is this some stress related issue? Am i tricking myself into thinking something is wrong? I look up a few symptoms to make me feel better and it only makes me think i had a stroke, seizure, brain trauma, etc. i find myself wondering if i will ever be normal again. I’m scared that i will go insane or disconnect myself from society or something crazy like that. Please help.

According to the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), K2 or “spice” has the same psychoactive properties as marijuana, which is categorized as a hallucinogenic drug. Psychological effects of “spice” include paranoia, panic attacks and giddiness. Some users report extreme anxiety and hallucinations. Physiologically, those who ingest spice may experience an increased heart rate and an increase in blood pressure. It can also reduce blood flow to the heart and heart attacks have been reported in a few cases. The long-term effects on the body are unknown.

It is important to understand that illicit drug use is never “appropriate.” Many people have negative experiences with drugs. A common experience after using drugs is the development of frightening psychological side effects. The user worries that the drugs have caused permanent damage and they wonder if they will ever return to their pre-drug use, psychological state. In some cases, they don’t and the damage is permanent. Simply put, drugs are dangerous.

I cannot determine if something is “wrong.” If you continue to experience concerning symptoms, then you should be evaluated by a physician or a mental health professional. The health care professional with whom you would meet cannot “turn you in” for having used “spice” in the past. Many states have banned “spice” and have made it a misdemeanor to buy, sell or possess the drug.

Finally, learn a lesson from this experience. The lesson to be learned is that drug use is dangerous and it has the potential to permanently alter your psychological state of being and psychological health. There is no safe drug use. Many people who use drugs are permanently damaged. That may sound dramatic but it is the truth. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

March 24, 2024 0 comment

Numbness

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP September 12th, 2023

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Hello! I would like to know some exercises or something I can practice to get myself out of this numb state of emotions. Last year was really hard for me (break up of a 4yr relationship, rape, loss of 2 good friends) and I was in constant pain and then I think it just switched somehow in me some kind of defense mechanism I think when I just stopped feeling at all. It was helpful and helped me a lot to sort out a lot of things. Now when it’s relatively a long time over and im supposed to get better I just cant. The bad thing is that i cannot express love or open myself to any bpdy because I just can’t feel what they feel… I imagine it as some kind of a barrier in me. Do you have any advice on how to get rid of it? It really bothers me because I’m a young person and I love life and my friends and I wanna fall in love sometimes etc. Thank you for listening 🙂 (From Slovakia)

Just by writing to us you have begun to make the right kind of changes. Whenever there are so many difficulties the psyche will often shut down from the pain. It is an attempt to protect itself — but whatever protects also inhibits. The nature of reactions from trauma center around the brain trying to remind and warn or avoid and forget what has happened. The limitations you are feeling sound like they are a direct result of all the loss and trauma you’ve experienced. While it isn’t something I could diagnose from your email there are conditions that can arise from this kind of ordeal that can have a debilitating effect. One of these can cause numbness and feelings of being detached, isolated or disconnected from other people or yourself. This symptom collection can be triggered by any number of events, but is known to occur as a result of sexual violence, profound loss or death, injury — or witnessing of these things. When something that can overwhelm us happens that includes these type of experiences it is classified as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD.) In days gone by it was thought that only the kind of things very few people see would cause the disorder. Now, it is widely accepted that very common experiences, like a break-up with a boyfriend, can be enough to trigger similar symptoms. Here is more information about this.

The descriptions below are not meant for you to diagnose yourself, but to understand more about what PTSD is, and how it can influence a person’s life. Here are some common symptoms of PTSD:

Re-experiencing the trauma through intrusive nightmares, flashbacks, and interfering and distressing recollections of the event. People will ruminate about the trauma long after the event has passed.
Emotional numbness and avoidance of people, places, and activities that are reminders of the trauma. This reaction can spread to generalized stimuli that can trigger the memory.
Increased arousal and difficulty concentrating, sleeping, feeling edgy, and being easily irritated and angered.

It would be best to go to a mental health professional to get an accurate diagnosis. to help determine if you might benefit from seeking out professional help here is a brief online quiz. This can assure the treatment is properly matched with your symptoms.

Finally, there are several approaches that have been successful with PTSD which fall into 3 general categories: Psychotherapy, medication, and self-help. The various forms of psychotherapy are:

Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)
Cognitive therapy (CT)
Prolonged exposure (PE) Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
Brief eclectic psychotherapy (BEP)
Narrative exposure therapy (NET)

Often prescribed medications are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), including fluoxetine (Prozac), paroxetine (Paxil) and sertraline (Zoloft), and the selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI) venlafaxine (Effexor).

Self-help recommendations supported by research are: exercise. acupuncture. Yoga, workbooks and social support. For an excellent discussion on these and other treatment option please read Margarita Tartakovsky’s article here.

The important thing is that you are asking for help. This is an excellent start. I would go to a mental health professional to get an accurate diagnosis and while you are waiting to begin formal treatment you may want to take part in some of the self-help approaches.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

September 12, 2023 0 comment

Friends: Don’t Have Any, Don’t Want Any

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker November 16th, 2022

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been rejected by peers from as early as junior kindergarten. It was not so much bullying as rejection (i.e: I had only 1 friend up until gr.7 or 8, & mostly just got shunned or talked about behind my back). It’s been a continuing trend in my life, but I am just wondering if it is a normal reaction to not care (aside from feeling angry when I think about my past).

Specifically, what I mean is that I do not really care to have meaningful social interactions with other people. I view it as a hassle. Being friends with someone just means you have to deal with all the related complexities of the relationship. From my point of view, relationships simply complicate life. I don’t really see the point. People just aren’t worth the time. When I do make a friend, I tend to sort of drift away after a while. For instance, it would be weird having the same friend for more than a couple of years. I start resenting having them.

Yet, it seems that most people who don’t have friends DO want friends…and it causes them emotional pain/discontent etc that they don’t have friends. But I’m the opposite, I don’t care to have friends. I think that it’s a defence mechanism I built up. Do you think that it’s possible that it is a numbness to the social rejection I experienced as a child? If not, any general ideas as to what else could be triggering it (and is it normal to feel the way I do)? And is it even possible to shake oneself out of this kind of apathy? I have next to no motivation to do so. Also, is it really that detrimental to not want to bother with people on a personal level? I’m fine with casual aquaintances, like the people I work with. But I don’t really want anything more than that. And I’m also an introvert by nature.

I know I’ve asked a lot of questions, but I’d appreciate any insight.

Thanks

Thank you for writing. It’s certainly possible that you are right that you built a defense mechanism in response to early rejection. There’s an old expression: “You can’t fire me. I quit.” It’s possible that you protected yourself from rejection by deciding that you didn’t care about acceptance. This isn’t to say that you consciously made up your mind to give up on people. Little kids don’t function that way. But they do learn to stay away from what hurts them. What makes me very, very sad in your story is that no adult recognized the problem or protected or helped you. No little kid should be subjected to that kind of cruelty. No little kid should be left to figure it out on their own.

No. It’s not “normal” to be a complete social isolate. People tend to be pack animals. They need others around them to survive and thrive. It’s not necessary to have a huge circle of friends to be okay. Some people are fine with only a couple of close, intimate friends. Introverts are as okay as extroverts. I would just hate to have you go through life without the support, warmth, and mutual trust of real friendships. Yes, you really would be missing something.

You say you have next to no motivation to change. You didn’t say you have none. I suggest you use whatever little motivation you have to explore your feelings about this issue in the safety and acceptance that therapy can offer. A therapist won’t try to talk you into being different. But he or she will help you take a new look at your early experience as well as your present life. Together you’ll decide if you have some goals around relating people that you want to work on.

You didn’t get the help you needed as a child. Your adult self can make sure you get some support and guidance now. I hope you will give yourself that opportunity.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

November 16, 2022 0 comment

How to deal with borderline personality disorder

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP August 19th, 2019

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I don’t even know where to begin, honestly. I came here because I’ve been researching tons of things trying to come up with an idea of what to do with myself. I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder according to a psychiatrist I saw for a while but no longer see anymore. I had a very dysfunctional childhood with an abusive mother both physical and mental when I got older. I guess I could go on and on about my background but that’s not really the question…I don’t really know what to do right now; at this point I’m lost. I push everyone away; nobody wants to deal with me. I harm myself physically and other emotionally. I go into fits of rage and depression over stuff I shouldn’t even care about and I’ll do stupid things when I do like break something I actually really care about or say things I don’t mean. I don’t like leaving my house, Id rather sit in bed or on here all day then actually get dressed and go out. I go through stages of numbness, where I feel nothing and like I don’t care about anyone– not even myself. Right now honestly I feel like a mix of feelings, sad and angry and hopeless. I was on meds originally but my mom wants nothing to do with my grandparents cant and me afford anything. I have tried to commit suicide numerous times, gotten in fights with just about everyone, pushed away loved ones, abused alcohol, had risky sexual relations that I didn’t really want to do that were against my morals and recently I shoplifted and was caught, I gave up on school too.

I don’t honestly know what to do, I feel like I’m hopeless and I’d be better off dead which basically my own mother agrees with, which is pretty sad. I need help, and I just don’t know who or where to turn to. Any advice any help anything would be greatly appreciated. Please.

One of the things that comes through in your letter is a desire to change. While I hear the frustration and sense of not being able to evolve past all this, I am also very much aware of the fact that you very seriously want a positive change in your life.

First let me say that you need to find a way to minimize the effect your mother has on you. If there is any safe way you can get away from such a toxic individual do it now. How can you get healthy and have peace in your life when your mother gives you exactly the wrong information? I would perhaps ask your grandparents for help directly. Your mother isn’t giving you good information. That is a sign of her own pathology, and not something for you to accept.

I am going to recommend the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) groups in your area. Here is a link to those. But you may also need a psychiatric evaluation so some medicine can be prescribed. I would make an appointment with a psychiatrist in your area as soon as possible. If your grandparents are not able to help, you can use a local clinic who can provide services for low or no cost. Use the NAMI site to get information in your area.

Here is a self-help site for dialectical-behavioral therapy (DBT). This is an effective form of therapy for some of the symptoms you have described, and you may be able to find a program in your area. I would also consider the LifeHelper forums here, which are free.

Use your desire for change to find the help that you need now. The symptoms you’ve described are difficult, but certainly possible to cope with.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

May 9, 2011 0 comment