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ONE

I’m confused about what this is or if it’s just me being paranoid

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP January 27th, 2020

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’d recently been surfing on this site when I came across a disorder called, “Dissociation Disorder”. I know that I am young and I take that into consideration. (13 in a few days–also, I have dyslexia, so I might misspell some words) I don’t know whether it’s just me being extremely forgetful or this. I think maybe it’s the fact I tend to get lost in thought about my problems, like it says on the article, causing me to have gaps in my memory. I constantly think about my problems and sometimes my heart goes wild and my guts twist crazy when I think about it and I can get angry. I sometimes brood over certain problems constantly, pushing me deep into thought.

But I really don’t think that’s it. I have huge gaps in my memory. I can barely remember yesterday. Or the day before. I wonder if it’s just me being forgetful or I’m just brooding over this as well.

The main things I usually think about is past conversations I’ve had with my girlfriend. “Us” talks. I try to be mindful of her problems and life but usually just get too sucked up into my own and not noticing when she’s sad or mad. She is Bi-polar and has recently stopped cutting. We haven’t gotten to talk lately because of it being summer so I have nothing else to think about BUT this stuff. So, what has been bothering me is the fact that she’s called me inconsiderate and I can’t stop thinking about it. Another time she’d told me she can’t trust me when I tell her that I’m okay because I’ve lied about being okay before. I hide my emotions as best as I can. I just want people to see me as strong, and happy. These two things she’s told me, I cannot stop thinking about. It’s gotten to the point I feel like she doesn’t want me anymore, I’m useless and un-trustworthy, etc. Usually work/games takes these things off my mind.
Also, I’m ADHD, I have to constantly move even when I’m playing games. I get extremely guilty when I eat. I’ve even, at one point just avoided food all together. My friend had me start eating again and since it’s summer, I have nothing to do, I’ve been eating more than ever. My self-esteem is at an all-time-low and I’m starting to consider not eating again. It’s not even because of my partner, it’s because I want to please ‘myself’. I hear myself, but it refers to me as ‘you’. This confuses me to why it would refer to me as someone else. I’m average weight but every time I look in my damned mirror, I think I look pretty but I need to get just a tiny bit more skinny and when I do, I want to even more and it’s really scaring me.

Well anyways, I’ve just explained practically everything going on and I really don’t know how I’ll put this in ONE category. If you really do end up answering, I wish to give you a big thank you.

So, Thank You.
Sincerely, Confused

First let me say that I am very glad you wrote us, and that you are reflecting on the things that concern you. That is quite advanced for someone your age. I applaud you.

While there are many possibilities, I can’t give you clear feedback about a dissociative disorder. But I can encourage you to talk to your school counselor and your parents about seeing a professional therapist. Also a trained psychologist may be able to do some testing to help sort through the different conditions you speak of. My encouragement is to start with home and school, and find someone in your area you can talk to so you can get some more definitive answers.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

July 12, 2011 0 comment

What’s The Point Of Life Anymore?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW July 5th, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Ok…its a lon gone and hard to explain. My mother has just recently decided that we need to move four hours away from the town we live in now. Just recently a girl I’ve known an dated on and off for eight years told me she loved me. I have extremely strong feelings for her, and I think I might love her too. ONE PROBLEM- in about 6 months I’m going to be long gone and living in some po dunk town four hours away from here. I might not ever get to see her again! On top of the rest of this, my step dad and grandpa died about 6 months ago. Since then my life has gone completely downhill. I know I won’t ever get to see her again if I move and I can’t stay. It’s like I’m anchored in one place but and irrisistable force is forcing me in a different direction. It feels like someone is twisting my heart around with a piece of sharp ice. No matter what I do my life just gets worse, and worse, and worse!

The worst though is that I found out that last year when my mom put me on homebound and she didn’t see me for months, she tried to slit her wrists. So if I leave she might do something stupid…especially if she’d never see me again. I wouldn’t even have a way of contacting her. On top of losing all that Im losing by moving, I’m moving to a new town and going to a new school- we all know what happens to the new kid in high school. I just don’t know what the hell to do or why I should live anymore, why I shouldn;t just off myself. I just cant take any more stress or heartache or I might do something stupid because I dont know how to deal with this.

I understand that you are experiencing a great deal of stress. Nothing in life seems to be going your way. Please understand that life has its ups and downs. At this point in time you are experiencing several unfortunate and unpleasant situations. Yes, it is undoubtedly a difficult time for you but it is important that you realize that your situation will likely improve. You’re assuming, for instance, that you’re not going to like moving. Assumptions don’t always turn out to be true. The truth is that there’s no way to know if you will like or dislike your new town or school. Yes, there are some individuals who when they move have a difficult time adjusting, but you may surprise yourself and like it. Your move may not be as negative as you are predicting it will be. My advice for you regarding this matter is to stop assuming the worst outcome and to keep an open mind.

As for the girl that you like, there is no denying the fact that leaving her may be difficult. It will likely not only be difficult for you but as you mentioned it may be very upsetting to her, to the point where she might harm herself. Given the situation, it is advisable that you do one or all of the following: speak to your mother, her parents, or consult the school guidance counselor about your concerns regarding your girlfriend. The fact that she may harm herself is a very serious concern and not something you should be dealing with on your own. Perhaps if you and she had a constructive way to deal with the inevitable move, then it could help ease the transition for you both. I hope you will strongly consider informing an adult about the fact that she may harm herself.

I am also very concerned about the fact that you are considering suicide. As mentioned above, life has many ups and downs. It will not always go smoothly. That is the case for everyone. You need a better stress management strategy in place for when life gets tough. You may be considering suicide because you’re not sure how to handle difficult life circumstances. Please know that you can learn alternative methods for handling stress that do not involve harming yourself or ending your life. You can do this through counseling which has been shown to be very effective for many people. Millions of people are helped by counseling. If you’re not sure how to access counseling, then you should speak to your mother about how your feeling or go to a school counselor immediately. If you feel that you cannot keep yourself safe, then you should go to the emergency room and inform them about your plans for suicide.

Your life is likely going to change upon moving but don’t assume that there is going to be a negative outcome. It may turn out to be the best move of your life. The point is you don’t know what the outcome will be and you should not make assumptions. The smartest thing you can do now, as a mentioned above, is to speak to your parents or a school guidance counselor.

If you’re suicidal then call emergency services or go to the emergency room immediately. It’s also important that you have in your possession a number to a suicide hotline. Please call 800-273-8255 in the event that you feel overwhelmed. This is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline which is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. Thank you for your question.

November 15, 2009 0 comment

I hate life

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW September 25th, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Q. First of let me just tell you that it’s ok if you don’t want to respond to me, i undestand. If for some reason whoever is reading this actually cares enough to respond heres my problem: I absolutly hate my life A LOT. I don’t get a long with my parents ever. They hate me. I don’t know what to do. I hate how i look. I have no self esteem. I am fat and disgusting and i know i am because even kids at school say it. I have no friends and my sisters are always fighting with me. I have tried to be bulimic. I found a website learning how. I don’t through up everyday, just on really bad days. I sometimes wonder if life would be better if i was dead but then i think of my dog and i dont want to leave her and i dont want to hurt anyone else. so i dont want to die i am actually afraid to. I tried to cut myself before, but i couldnt get up enough nerve. But really who cares about me anyway, right? My teacher sometimes calls me paranoid because i am always afraid that people dont like me. well news flash NO ONE LIKES ME. I dont know who to talk to because i am not good at talking about myself i get embarresed and think there are bigger problems then mine and im not important enough. I m just so tired of being me and i just wanted to know what to do i think i might be depressed. I don’t know but i am angry a lot and i hate my step dad. I hope you can help me a little. I’m sorry if my letter is stupid and i wasted your time.

A. Your letter is in no way stupid or a waste of my time. I am really glad that you wrote. I first want to say that I am sorry that you are so down on yourself. What I find positive about you writing this letter is that you cared enough about yourself to request help. To me, this is very hopeful. Even though your words about yourself were negative, I want to point out that you cared enough about yourself to inquire about how you can stop feeling so depressed. Your inquiry tells me that some where deep inside you, you do really care about yourself and know that you, like everyone else, deserves to feel better. Just by writing this letter, you have already taken a healthy and positive step in the right direction, to end your suffering.

My recommendation for you is to find a counselor. For you, I would specifically suggest seeing the school counselor. Also, you should talk with your mother and step father about your depression and tell them that you want to seek help. It is important that they know how you have been feeling lately, even if you do think they “hate” you. I know that seeking help and talking to your parents will be difficult for you since you mentioned that you feel that your issues are not important enough to warrant help.

You have written this letter and that is a good, first, healthy step. Your letter and my response both confirm the fact that you are experiencing issues that require extra help. Next, I strongly encourage you to take a second, more difficult step. That is, tell your parents about your depression and find a way to get into see a counselor. If you do not want to tell your parents, at the very least go to the school counselor and tell him or her what you have been feeling. Be open and honest with the counselor. Contrary to what believe, you must realize that you are important enough to receive help. Not only are you important enough, but it is your god given right to get that help, to feel better about yourself and to end your daily suffering. Your new mantra after reading this response should go something like this: I do deserve help. Thinking about it from another viewpoint, if your friend wrote this letter to you, asking you for advice, I am sure that you would not tell her that she was not worthy of help. Instead, you’d encourage her to get help or talk to her parents because she deserves to feel better, because she is worthy of help. If it is good advice for your friend, then it is good advice for you. Take care and write again if you have any questions or need further clarification about my response to your letter.

January 4, 2007 0 comment