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Always Sad and Don’t Know What To Do Anymore

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hi.. Im abby.. I have been like this since i was 10.. now it seems it just gets worse. every night before i go to bed i pretty much cry. I hate myself.. and i dont have areason to .. i mean theres people that dont have anything and are stronger than me.. im just weak.. and worthless.. i want to be skinny and beauiful and to fall in love. thats all i ever wish for.. i cut every once in while.. i try not to eat but if i do i will throw it up.. i started all the eatting problems and cutting at the age 14.. and i have no one to talk to about it without yelling at me. they tell me its wrong.. i know it is but i hate myself that im not careing.. I just dont know anymore.

Hello Abby. It is difficult to feel as though you have no one to turn to for comfort, direction or advice. You are engaging in self-destructive behavior, including cutting and forcing yourself to vomit. It is important to understand that these behaviors are dangerous. Cutting is dangerous for obvious reasons and the vomiting causes significant physical damage to your body. Intervention is necessary.

I’m not certain about how much of this information you have relayed to your parents but I would urge you to speak with them. If face-to-face communication is difficult for you, then write them a letter describing your feelings. If you choose that option, be very detailed and honest.

If a letter does not prompt your parents to get you the help that you need, then consider approaching other family members. Is there anyone in your family who you would feel comfortable speaking to? If so, go to them to discuss your problem. If you would be uncomfortable speaking to them, give them a letter about how you are feeling.

Another way to gain help with this problem is to speak to someone at your church, synagogue, or a parent of a friend. It is possible that someone could speak to your parents for you. This might be one way to ensure that your parents take your concerns seriously.

In the meantime, I would encourage you to surround yourself with individuals who are supportive. Try not to be alone. Have someone to communicate with when you feel depressed. I would also encourage you to join a support group, if possible and to begin journaling. Journaling is a great strategy that many people find helpful in relieving psychological distress. It also helps to clarify your feelings and that may serve to decrease self-injurious behavior.

Your primary goal at this point is to make those around you aware of what you are experiencing. That is the first step to getting the help that you both deserve and desire. Don’t continue to suffer in silence. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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I’m confused about what this is or if it’s just me being paranoid

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’d recently been surfing on this site when I came across a disorder called, “Dissociation Disorder”. I know that I am young and I take that into consideration. (13 in a few days–also, I have dyslexia, so I might misspell some words) I don’t know whether it’s just me being extremely forgetful or this. I think maybe it’s the fact I tend to get lost in thought about my problems, like it says on the article, causing me to have gaps in my memory. I constantly think about my problems and sometimes my heart goes wild and my guts twist crazy when I think about it and I can get angry. I sometimes brood over certain problems constantly, pushing me deep into thought.

But I really don’t think that’s it. I have huge gaps in my memory. I can barely remember yesterday. Or the day before. I wonder if it’s just me being forgetful or I’m just brooding over this as well.

The main things I usually think about is past conversations I’ve had with my girlfriend. “Us” talks. I try to be mindful of her problems and life but usually just get too sucked up into my own and not noticing when she’s sad or mad. She is Bi-polar and has recently stopped cutting. We haven’t gotten to talk lately because of it being summer so I have nothing else to think about BUT this stuff. So, what has been bothering me is the fact that she’s called me inconsiderate and I can’t stop thinking about it. Another time she’d told me she can’t trust me when I tell her that I’m okay because I’ve lied about being okay before. I hide my emotions as best as I can. I just want people to see me as strong, and happy. These two things she’s told me, I cannot stop thinking about. It’s gotten to the point I feel like she doesn’t want me anymore, I’m useless and un-trustworthy, etc. Usually work/games takes these things off my mind.
Also, I’m ADHD, I have to constantly move even when I’m playing games. I get extremely guilty when I eat. I’ve even, at one point just avoided food all together. My friend had me start eating again and since it’s summer, I have nothing to do, I’ve been eating more than ever. My self-esteem is at an all-time-low and I’m starting to consider not eating again. It’s not even because of my partner, it’s because I want to please ‘myself’. I hear myself, but it refers to me as ‘you’. This confuses me to why it would refer to me as someone else. I’m average weight but every time I look in my damned mirror, I think I look pretty but I need to get just a tiny bit more skinny and when I do, I want to even more and it’s really scaring me.

Well anyways, I’ve just explained practically everything going on and I really don’t know how I’ll put this in ONE category. If you really do end up answering, I wish to give you a big thank you.

So, Thank You.
Sincerely, Confused

First let me say that I am very glad you wrote us, and that you are reflecting on the things that concern you. That is quite advanced for someone your age. I applaud you.

While there are many possibilities, I can’t give you clear feedback about a dissociative disorder. But I can encourage you to talk to your school counselor and your parents about seeing a professional therapist. Also a trained psychologist may be able to do some testing to help sort through the different conditions you speak of. My encouragement is to start with home and school, and find someone in your area you can talk to so you can get some more definitive answers.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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Am I depressed?

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I am 23, and I grew up in foster care from 5-12 years of age. I was adopted and when I became too difficult for them, I was sent to my adopted father’s parent’s house. I got a job as soon as I turned 16, finally went back to public school and proceeded to do all the things teens do. I drank, I smoked weed, I snuck off, dated when I wasn’t suppose to…etc. I fell in love and found I was pregnant when I was 17. I miscarried and continued the relationship with my ex. He dumped me in the emergency room. (Sad thing is I think about him more than I do about my husband.) I felt abandoned by everyone. I became self destructive and hit my all time low, by living in my car. I went to AIT (for the Army) and ended up on border patrol. I met and married my husband within a month’s time. Our relationship was “perfect” when we were both making money and had a stable environment on border patrol. We moved back home and he started doing drugs, we fought constantly and anytime I wanted to leave, he’d remind me I had no where to go. I found out I was pregnant and things changed. He joined the Army and we have been at Fort Campbell ever since. I now have been married for almost 5 years and we have two children together. I feel trapped though. I don’t know if I really love him or not. I care for him, but there is no sparks anymore. He drinks when he is home and I am left with the kids 24/7. Deployments are worse and I currently don’t feel like cleaning, I don’t feel like cooking or even taking care of my kids whom I LOVE to pieces. I found my biological family last May and my fairytale of finding my real family was short lived. I hate my mom, I dislike my dad. I feel like I am going to end up being just like them and hurting my children. My mother and both of my brothers are bipolar, I haven’t been diagnosed. I use to see and hear things all the time and here recently I have started seeing and hearing things again. Am I depressed? Do I need to see a counselor? I don’t know what I need to do. I feel helpless and I HATE it. I feel like I am no longer my own person.

Thank you for writing about your history and your current struggle. I think it is the right thing to do to see a counselor. Since you are on the base there are services you can receive there. I would encourage you to make the appointment now. I would not wait for the stressors in your life to build up. You owe it to yourself, your husband and most of all your children to get some help. A combination of medicine and therapy will most likely help, so in addition to the counselor’s appointment you should have a physical done as well and talk to the physician about your situation.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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