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Schoolwork

Approaching the Psychiatrist

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW December 11th, 2019

Hi, I came across your website and answered articles when I was searching for a way to talk to my doctor about add. I’m 20 and I’ve made the appointment on my own. I have issues with my mom who says I am being dramatic over this. I constantly have negative thoughts about my body image and when I get very overwhelmed I fall into a pattern of binging and purging. I have a short temper, cant take being yelled at. When I was in high school I would restrict with food and was always thin looking back I wish I had spoken up. Now I catch myself over eating when I’m stressed, I am always stressed. I can’t focus at work and I work 2 days a week at a great internship, I actually do things and everyone is so nice but I can’t focus to do computer work. I find myself not being able to account for time. On the days I don’t work I could stay in bed the whole time. The morning is afternoon before I know it. I am very motivated and always have a list of things to do but it takes me forever to get out of the house. Schoolwork is very difficult even with my phone turned off and no distractions. I am going into my junior year of college and this past year was very hard. My mom told me I was distracted and having too much fun. I have to put in more work then everyone else and its extremely stressful because I not partying or watching TV I just cant focus and get the information in. it is so frustrating. My boyfriend has adhd and he brought up researching add, maybe this is bad, I am not saying I have add but I fit some of the symptoms, honestly I’m looking for guidance. I went to a regular doctor because I am not too old for a pediatrician and I am not sick, I do not have mono but I did end up crying for no reason during the appointment so I walked out of my physical with a clean bill of health but with an anxiety/panic coping packet. I have a short temper and find myself picking out little things during important talks that set me off and I look back realizing I was off in my thinking. I don’t know what to do, there are many factors playing into this but I have an appointment with a psychiatrist and I am afraid of not knowing what to say. When I told my parents how I felt I was shot down, and when I told my doctor that I had met once I was given an anxiety packet. I read through ways to cope and holding my breath for 5 seconds doesn’t take the edge off being mad. I have always screamed and raised my voice and fought and when I try to hold it in I end up crying for no reason. I’m not sure where I’m going wrong or where to turn.

Going to the psychiatrist is a great place to start. When you speak to the psychiatrist, inform him or her of the symptoms you mentioned above, which include:

difficulty concentrating;
difficulty accounting for time/losing track of time;
bingeing and purging;
depression;
high stress levels;
short temper;
highly sensitive;
crying spells; and
negative thinking.

Be very specific about your symptoms. I would encourage you to see both a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication to improve your symptoms. Psychotherapists utilize talk therapy. Both types of treatment are usually indicated for the majority of mental health problems.

You believe that you may have ADD. You may have some of the symptoms of ADD but not all of yours match. Bingeing and purging are associated with eating disorders. Sometimes, when an individual feels highly stressed or out of control, they engage in bingeing and purging behaviors as an attempt to gain some level of control. Their attempt does not provide them the relief that they want. In other words, bingeing and purging simply doesn’t work. Instead, bingeing and purging are very dangerous behaviors that significantly damage the body.

You also might be exhibiting signs of depression including: negative thinking, short temper, crying spells, and hypersensitivity. It is difficult to know with certainty what diagnosis you might have, which is why it is important to have a psychological evaluation from a mental health professional.

To summarize, report your symptoms to your psychiatrist and inquire about a referral to a psychotherapist. When you meet with them, report all of your symptoms and be very detailed. The more information you can provide, the better they will be able to assist you. Bring a list. Hopefully, they will then devise an appropriate and comprehensive treatment plan. I hope this helps you know how best to proceed.

I am very encouraged by the fact that you are willing to return to the doctor. This time, be certain to be as specific, as detailed as possible and ask for referrals. This is one way to ensure you will get the help that you desire.

If you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to write again. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

July 25, 2011 0 comment

Afraid To Grow Up

by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW July 4th, 2019

written by Julie Hanks, MSW, LCSW

I’m a 25 year old male. I’ll just start off by saying that opening sentences take me sometimes hours to write (this one took ten minutes). The same goes for my life – I just can’t seem to get anything started: Job applications, writing routines, relationships with the opposite sex, you name it.

The only thing is, I usually succeed once I get started. So, I’m trying to figure out why I can’t get things moving. I graduated college almost a year ago and have only applied to about 5 different districts (I’m a state-certified English teacher) out of the hundreds in my state.

I also still live at home with my parents, and although they have threatened to kick me out, I usually find temporary work just in time to save myself. Although I used to get 95% of my college schoolwork done here, I can’t seem to get focused when it comes to applying for jobs or keeping in touch with love interests or former colleagues.

Home-wise, there’s no major problems. I’m comfortable here, and I don’t have to pay rent. I don’t always have the sense of independence I want, but I’ve learned how to deal with it, just like I have learned how to deal with sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety. I focus on something else. But I feel like it’s starting to get trapped inside, to a point where I will never be able to express myself. I feel like this will cause me to regret everything later in life.

The main thing is that I know exactly what I have to do in life to move forward, but I just can’t seem to do it. I don’t even have a logical explanation why – I just don’t. Same goes for relationships. I was talking to a female friend who I have liked for over a year, and we mentioned our feelings for each other because we’re currently seeing other people (so it was means for conversation). She asked if I had liked her, and I said yes. When she asked “Why didn’t you tell me?” My honest answer had to be “I’m at a point in life where I’m just not acting on anything.” Tension followed, and I felt a little regretful afterward, but then I told myself not to dwell on it. So, I don’t. I’m not really feeling anything about it right now – that has all passed.

Do you think that my outlook on life (not to dwell on my past) is affecting my future? I feel like the more I say the past doesn’t matter, the more I’ll act exactly like I have been, and I’ll only end up stuck. I want to be 100% independent, not because of man pride or anything, but because I’m ready to live my own life. How do I start?

Yes, I do think that your pattern of not examining the past IS affecting your future, but the real question is what are you most afraid of finding if you do look back and if you do feel? Are you afraid of failure? What is your biggest fear if you did openly express yourself to your parents? If you don’t have healthy ways to process emotions that come up in life they will likely build up over time and manifest in self-destructive ways. My guess is that this pattern is a large part of why you are feeling so paralyzed in your life.

Look for healthier ways to deal with your emotions. Consider journaling your feelings, joining a men’s therapy group, or talk with an individual therapist to help you get to the emotional root of why you’re feeling reluctant to start your adult life. Cultivate encouraging and supportive male friendships. Exercise to relieve stress, improve mood, and feel a sense of accomplishment and power. You mentioned that you don’t have the sense of independence that you want but you’ve “learned to deal with it.” Your sense of independence is paramount at this stage of life so I encourage you to foster that desire, not to relinquish it. It is important to take action, even if it’s clumsy and things don’t turn out perfectly. Ask out the woman that you’re interested in, send out 5 job applications every day, speak openly with your parents about your feelings, start paying them rent or pay them by contributing to the care of the home and yard. If usually feels better to act, even when you don’t feel like it, than to feel powerless in your own life.

I have a few questions about your parents. Why are your parents letting a capable 25-year-old adult son with a college education live in their home rent-free? Is it possible that they are enabling you to stay “stuck” at home because they are afraid of you leaving? Are you a buffer or a distraction that keeps them from dealing with marital problems? There may be some family issues contributing to your current dynamic. Again, consider seeking help from a therapist to help you understand and resolve your internal struggle and understand any family dynamics that may be adding to your difficulty “growing up.”

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

April 5, 2011 0 comment

Family issues

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP November 23rd, 2019

written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

As I’ve been becoming older, I’ve been getting into arguments with my parents. But recently they’ve been happening more and more frequently and I’ve been getting more and more angry each time. Each argument has been about the same major topics: my behavior towards my siblings or how I “disrespect” my parents. But sometimes I can’t help what I say to my parents. If they’re in my face yelling about what I just said or how I forgot to do something, how can I not yell back? My parents say its disrespect, but I feel that they have no respect for me when they’re yelling in my face. But the topic we argue most about is my little brother. He’s 7 and if I do the slightest thing to him he goes and tells and I get the whole “you’re older and need to grow up speech”. I’m sick of it. I feel that they can’t see that my little brother does things that really bother me, and I’m not being dramatic. Like today, my little brother does this thing where he just touches me. I HATE when he does this because it’s COMPLETELY unnecessary. So I hit him back, not that hard just a slap in the arm. Just so happens my dad was walking by at the same exact time. When he saw this he immediately got in my face, hit my arm (and I had to fight back the urge to hit my dad right back), and started giving me a speech (which during I was completely being a smart aleck because I felt this whole thing was not my fault). When my mother got home I got the same speech from her, but she just didn’t understand how I felt! Then while I was in the room right next to the kitchen they started to discuss what they should do to that “devil”. But my defense is that my little brother is just very dumb and a wimp and that my parents baby him too much. But to avoid these confrontations I feel the only way to do this is to COMPLETELY IGNORE my whole family. I’ve been doing this by sleeping all day and my schoolwork is suffering, I also barely eat because of sleeping all day. But these arguments always seem to find their way into my life. Is there any way to get my parents to understand me? How do I deal with 7-year-old brother? Can I just keep ignoring them? Please do not treat his as a teenager being dramatic, this is a serious cry for help. After some of these arguments I’ve hurt myself. I scratched my arm with tweezers and today I dug my own nails into my arm. Some of these arguments have resulted in me almost getting smacked in the face by my dad. I’ve also cried for hours before. So please I’m begging for help.

Thank you for your letter. I hope I can offer something useful.

Fifteen is a rough age because you are in-between everything, and are just starting to see weak spots in your family and the world. It is very normal for teenagers and their parents to go at it during this time, and for the siblings to throw in with the mix as well. But I understand the fact that it is common doesn’t offer much comfort.

Probably the best-known book about teenage girls is Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls written by Mary Pipher. I’d recommend reading it—see if you agree with the author, then ask your parents to read it. Sometimes an outside source can help make the change.

But my guess is that you are going to need a few sessions of family therapy. The fact that you are hurting yourself because of all this demands something is done sooner rather than later. I would ask your parents directly to have you talk to a therapist, and then explains to the therapist what is happening. More than likely the therapist will engage at least one of your parents, if not the whole family.

Don’t suffer in silence with this. If your parents are not willing to take you to a therapist, talk to the school counselor or a trusted teacher. He or she will be able to help get the ball rolling.

This may be a tough time for you, but there are many good things waiting for you as you move through high school. As you are seeking some peace within the family, keep developing interests outside of the home: Clubs, sports, classes, etc. Work on developing yourself, not focused any on the family feud.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

April 2, 2011 0 comment