From a young woman in the U.S.: My bf’s cousin [M24] planned a trip for his birthday to go to Vegas. He invited my bf, his gf and I. When we first got their I hadn’t eaten since 8AM and he had dinner reservations at 11PM, so the entire time they were bar hopping. However, this guy insisted I have a drink by asking me four times in which I kept declining and stating I have an empty stomach (let alone being light weight). From that, my bf’s cousin said, “you seem to not enjoy having fun and letting loose”. I ignored for the sake of my bf but he could tell I wasn’t happy with his statement.
Throughout the night he kept mispronouncing my name when even his gf was calling me correctly in front of him. I chose not say anything till the next day. My bf would make excuses to his cousin that “oh the reason why my gf isn’t talking to you is because she’s tired and hungry” when clearly I wasn’t. After dinner (when his gf payed half the portion of the bill) his cousin proceeded in saying to me “oh isn’t that sweet that she payed for my birthday dinner?” After several times of asking me the same question I stopped answering.
The next day this guy proceeded to do more bar hopping and smoke weed in which I declined on smoking weed and he says “you need to get on my gf’s level, she knows how to have fun!” so what if she does? And then when he bought his gf a ring he kept showing to me whether the ring is pretty or not. I simply just said “yes it’s beautiful”
the following day he said a remark when I didn’t want a drink at this one bar and my bf didn’t want to drink unless I did and his cousin turns and says “look what you have done”. He proceeded to ask if I had dentures when I have perfectly straight and white teeth. And he berated me on our last night by saying to me:”Yeah you just aren’t fun sober, your personality is better buzzed” then proceeds to ” oh shoot I should stop…. but yeah you just aren’t fun maybe your sister should come next time!” and just enjoyed bashing me in front of everyone why?! I only ignored my bfs cousin and avoided much talk… what did I do wrong? why is he treating me like this way?
He’s treating you that way because he apparently needs validation for his choices by having everyone around him make the same ones. I suspect he knew he was drinking too much and maybe he was ambivalent about smoking weed. When you didn’t join him in those activities, he had to deal with the fact that his idea of “fun” is dependent on substances. Rather than change his own behavior, he proceeded to bully you.
You did nothing wrong by sticking to your own good sense. Minimize your time with this guy — even if he is related to your boyfriend. He’s the one who is immature and “no fun.”
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
