Yikes. It’s time for my 20-year high-school reunion. I have the wrinkles and the gray hair to prove it. Although I look back and snicker at all the keg parties I threw at my house when my mom was away, and how I always seemed to pass out in someone’s closet, what I remember most were the wise words of a few teachers who took me under their wing and asked me to probe deeper … to think long and hard about who I wanted to be when I grew up. I’m still not totally sure, but here are some of the nuggets I most appreciate.
1. Act as if you belong.
In 12-step support groups this means “fake it til you make it.” I just remember being incorrectly placed in an honors class. I sat there next to Tony M., a fellow average-intelligence classmate who I recently hooked up with on Facebook, wondering what language everyone was speaking. And Tony reminded me that by acting as though we belonged, we fooled Mr. Troha into giving us A’s!
2. Today can be the beginning of a new life.
My senior year, a few teachers pulled me aside and challenged me on my self-destructive behavior involving alcohol. Apparently some stories about the Homecoming dance had made it back to them. “What’s going on?” one religion teacher asked me. It prompted me to ask the hard questions and confront my alcohol addiction. I remember sitting up in bed one evening that year wondering if the decision to abstain from alcohol that day would really influence the rest of my life. Twenty years later, I can confidently answer that question: absolutely.
3. Never lose your sense of humor.
Humor is by far my strongest ally in the fight against negative thinking and despair. I try to remind myself daily of what G.K. Chesterton said, “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.”
4. Success is 99 percent sweat, one percent talent.
Take it from this girl who didn’t break 1,000 on her SATs. Perseverance. That’s all you need. Just as the Japanese proverb says, “Fall seven times, get up eight.” Or an anonymous saying “The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.”
5. Gratitude and kindness will open many doors for you.
My dad taught me this one. As a very savvy business man, he stressed the importance of “thank you” notes, and expressions of appreciation, especially to the gatekeepers like the assistants to the publishers you want to publish your book. A little kindness to her will get you in the door.
6. Compare and despair.
Something to keep in mind: you never know the whole story on people you envy, so try not to compare your insides with another person’s outsides. I can confidently say that it will never lead to peace.
7. Give back.
Gandhi once wrote that “the quickest way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” The only surest way out of my pain has been to box it up, sort through it, and figure out how it might help someone else.
8. Peer pressure never goes away.
Your friends influence you more than you think. Studies show that folks who hang out with optimists become optimists themselves; folks who hang out with cheating couples are more inclined to cheat. So choose your pals wisely.
9. Ask for help when you need it.
I did that for the first time when I was a senior in high school, and I’ve been doing it ever since.
10. Be yourself.
Anna Quindlen writes in her small giftbook “Being Perfect” that “Nothing important or meaningful or beautiful or interesting ever came out of imitations. Perfection is static, even boring. Your unvarnished self is what is wanted.”
11. Forget about perfection.
» Also check out, 9 More Things I Learned in High School!
11 comments
Good stuff! thanks
Really liked this. Spot on.
That’s bull. All I learned from school is that people are idiots.
Love this. I’m a high school teacher, and I will share this with my students.
Don’t forget how to roll a joint and put on a condom. Thats what I learned in High School.
Also check out, 9 More Things I Learned in High School!
pretty good!!! i really like it that might be another instrument for life.
I’m not entirely convinced that this is the most useful series of thoughts. Several of these bother me:
1.)Acting as if you belong doesn’t necessarily ease any of the difficulty of social institution in high school. The problem is simply that almost everyone feels like they don’t belong, realizing this is your first real tool for success.
In your example of your high school honors class you say you “fooled” your teacher into giving you A’s. I would argue that you earned those A’s and you deserved to be in that class just as much as everyone else. Remember, your rule #4.
Simply put, if you want to be an athlete, make yourself an athlete. Very rarely do truly successful people suddenly “discover” that they are fantastic at something, they have to work at it and decide who they want to be.
6.) You, as a human being, will naturally compare yourself to others. The solution isn’t in not comparing yourself to another, but rather, judiciously choosing who to compare yourself to. It helps to have those you look up to because they give you guidance and a standard to hold yourself to.
The problem comes when you start comparing yourself to people for the wrong reasons. If you compare yourself to someone on the scale of such things as social status, you look at the things that do not matter. However, if you measure yourself on the scale of character, then much can be gained.
10.) I know it’s a well repeated phrase “Be Yourself”, but the real problem is that many people use it as an excuse. Why get out and do something great if it’s “not you”? I understand that knowing oneself is of high importance, but you sell yourself short on personal growth. I think it is important, instead, to be MORE than yourself. You should be more tomorrow than today.
Overall, I think the most important thing to learn from highschool is that people are false, situations are false, and most situations are what you make of them. What bothers you now and may be of earth-shattering importance may matter nothing in the long run. Learn that everyone thinks they know a better way at the beginning, but very few people have the strength to pan out in the long run.
Just don’t oversimplify such important lessons.