I’ll start off by saying I don’t think it’s fair to any generation to claim you know what’s ailing them. I think a generation of people is so large and diverse, it’s hard to make generalizations that will apply to anything larger than a subgroup.
But that doesn’t stop both journalists and others from speculating about “what’s wrong with Millennials.”
For good reason — rates of depression are on the rise amongst older teens and young adults, hitting levels we’ve never seen before. Recent studies put the rate of depression as high as 44 percent among college students. Suicide remains a leading cause of death in this age group.
So is depression the problem? Helicopter parenting? Something else? Let’s find out.
The article, bylined by Brooke Donatone who’s a therapist, and appearing in the Washington Post’s Health & Science section, gives us a glimpse as to the challenges millennials face:
Millennials do have to face some issues that previous generations did not. A college degree is now the career equivalent of what a high school degree used to be. This increases the pressure on kids to go to college and makes the process more competitive. The sluggish economy no longer yields a wealth of jobs upon graduation.
I will, however, point out that this is not a new challenge unique to this generation — contrary to the writer’s shallow assertion. Previous generations also dealt with incredible hardships — from WWI and WWII, to the Great Depression, Vietnam, and the recession of the 1980s. These things defined previous generations, all of which still managed to pull themselves together and make something of themselves.
Should we be upset that people are now more highly educated than ever before, and are on the same kind of level playing field for the same kind of jobs that have always been available (if not in just as great supply at the moment)?
So while I think the setup for the argument is a bit of a strawman, I’ll accept the premise that today’s college graduates are having a harder time of it than in recent memory. Therapist Donatone doesn’t attribute this to the narcissism of today’s youth (as some have done, pointing to the self-involved navel-gazing of most popular social networks, like Facebook).
Instead, she thinks it’s because today’s youth and young adults simply have been, for lack of a better word, spoiled by helicopter parents who have sheltered their children from a life of disappointments or delayed gratification:
Their bigger challenge is conflict negotiation, and they often are unable to think for themselves. The over-involvement of helicopter parents prevents children from learning how to grapple with disappointments on their own. If parents are navigating every minor situation for their kids, kids never learn to deal with conflict on their own. Helicopter parenting has caused these kids to crash-land.
Indeed. And even if it’s not helicopter parenting for many of these young adults, it’s simply learning that you don’t have to do everything for yourself. Without learning that emotional independence earlier on, it’s being pushed off for some young adults.
A generation ago, my college peers and I would buy a pint of ice cream and down a shot (or two) of peach schnapps to process a breakup. Now some college students feel suicidal after the breakup of a four-month relationship. Either ice cream no longer has the same magical healing properties or the ability to address hardships is lacking in many members of this generation.
The era of instant gratification has led to a decrease in what therapists call “frustration tolerance.” This is how we handle upsetting situations, allow for ambiguity and learn to navigate the normal life circumstances of breakups, bad grades and layoffs. When we lack frustration tolerance, moderate sadness may lead to suicidal tendencies in those who lack the ability to self-soothe.
All of this is informed conjecture, of course, as there’s not much research that’s been done in this area. But some of it rings true to me, and from talking with others — both therapists and young adults — I’m not the only who sees more and more young adults who just don’t seem to have the emotional and psychological coping skills as young adults that were once more commonplace.
An alternative view — and one worth considering — is that perhaps we’re focusing on millennials more because of a poor economy that is keeping such young adults from entering the workforce, finding a partner, marrying, and starting a family.
Read the full article here: Why are so many millennials depressed? A therapist points the finger at Mom and Dad
5 comments
You might look at the impact of EMR and it’s impact on cell phone users and the production of melatonin. EMR is now a huge contributor and unchecked. I believe that this, in addition to your other points, perhaps explains the Real issue.
I wonder if it is the combined impact of the faster pace of life, deterioration of the nuclear family, emphasized focus on finding life/work/individual purpose along with more competition and pressure that is causing this. The lower family/community support in essence translates to lower emotional/psychological development which is exacerbated when thrown into a more competitive pool where mistakes are less tolerated and second chances are only theoretical.
I teach at a university and I see so many kids go go go-ing without having a clear sense of where they want to go. And not all of them can make it – mainly because their talents are misapplied rather than the lack of talent – the same kids that have been told since kindergarten that they are great and they are unique.
Being a generation Y-er, I myself have experienced depression, which I overcame through by taking some time to turn inward and search for my self-identity – a luxury that not all youths have given the current pace of life.
Family I think is the answer. One thing that helped me a lot handling my depression issue is my family. Once you feel that your not alone it’s easier to fight it.
I find that millennials do seem to struggle with emotional regulation and coping skills; however, I think this has less to do with “helicopter parenting†as much as it has to do with normal pressures associated with emerging adulthood, including the instability involved with this phase of life and the lack of adjustment skills many have. Many young adults, in emerging adulthood (ages 18-29), struggle to figure out many aspects of their lives; it is a natural process that occurs as young adults enter that middle ground before they feel like established, prepared adults. Yet they don’t feel like children either, and they are prepared to figure things out for themselves—as they should. This phase in young adults’ lives is characterized by identity exploration, instability, and self-focus (Arnett, 1998), which is why many people might confuse millennials as being “lazy, entitled narcissists who still live with their parents,†according to Joel Stein. Emerging adulthood is a crucial stage of development, and one that should be embraced. So rather than focusing on parents being too involved, it’s more important to focus on ensuring millennials, as emerging adults, receive the proper education they need on how to achieve their goals, and how to regulate their emotions when life throws unexpected curveballs.
Millennials do have more problems dealing with issues than adults in the past, and do seem to have a lowered “frustration tolerance.†But this decreased ability to handle frustration and subsequent suicidal tendencies is likely not due to overinvolved parents, but rather neglectful parents. Developmental psychologists Daria Boeninger and Rand Conger write in regards to two pathways leading from parenthood to offspring suicidality: “One involves enduring vulnerabilities to suicidality created by a lack of self-regulatory resources resulting from a history of harsh or neglectful parenting. The other proposed pathway involves social role impairments in the aftermath of negative parent-child bonding experiences: harsh and uninvolved parenting, through its effects on the development of adolescents’ self-systems, can hamper their ability to function well in social roles, which in turn can lead to suicidal crises.†In both of these pathways, “helicopter†parents are not associated with either pathway to suicidality. Adults need their parents to teach them how to handle their problems—not solve their problems for them, nor take a passive role altogether. Many emerging adults do struggle with healthily dealing with their emotions or problems, and need guidance. They might face extreme stress when solving their own issues, and they might even choose to avoid dealing with their problems altogether. However, both these methods of dealing with conflict are unhealthy and unstable, and might lead to emotional regulation problems later. Parents can help their kids the most by giving advice when it is warranted, but allowing their kids to solve their own problems. This can help young adults during this unstable time in their lives to properly regulate their emotions, and can help prepare them for the future.
Young adults often do not receive the advice and care they need to handle their own issues. They are told to “move on†or “shake it off,†without knowing how to do so. Assuming life experiences teach adults how to cope with problems, how are emerging adults supposed to figure out everything without the necessary tools? If young adults were better equipped to handle issues, they would have fewer problems in the long run. It would be helpful if young adults received some training on how to de-stress, perhaps in seminars in high school or college. It is important for emerging adults to understand and develop ways to blow off steam, so as not to ruminate on their troubles but, conversely, so they may deal with their issues healthily. This might help increase frustration tolerance and make it easier for many to deal with their hardships. Wouldn’t millennials be better equipped to handle problems if they were more mentally prepared to deal with them? Why is society so set on “brushing it off†or “not letting the haters get you down,†without providing emotional support for people who need it most?
As a millennial, I’ve found various reasons why I might feel depressed throughout my 20’s. In my early twenties I think it was normal adult emergence issues that every 20 year old faces regardless of generation. I had a lot of fears about my place in the world, identity, the unknown of adulthood. A few years later and there were more factors but especially financial and the changing marketplace and feeling like a failure after 1,001 contacts for jobs with no responses.
All of the stressors were compounding, but there is something a lot deeper and it will probably get more dramatic if not kept in check, and as a millenial who loves the innovation and creativity of new technology I feel like it’s the thing that causes me the most depression. Staring at a screen, emailing, texting, and having more and more interaction this way at work even is directly in correlation with how depressed I’ve been at times. I feel like it’s more prevalent in industrialized nations because last year I picked up and moved to China and didn’t have any access to it in my remote town.
No surprise, I felt better. I was connecting, exercising, having meaningful relationships with strangers that were not shy about conversations, had more developed social skills, and had a decent job that was deeply integral to the town. I slept like a rock( without even a plush American mattress, God forbid). After having that great experience without comforts of modern life i know when too much tech is too much and I’m starting to feel detached and low. Most millenials know that half of their “friends” exist only on Facebook and can’t be counted on in real life situations, and can’t provide the ease of mind that a community and family can bring in real life. It’s really not this helicopter parenting everyone speaks of I think (at least for me). That might describe some of the failure to launch sadness, but the true depression I think is something much deeper and entrenched in the way we are now structuring our modern societies. Older adults are feeling the effects too, too much email, work encroaching into your lives when you should be resting. So just imagine all that combined with other stressors that you remember from your 20’s, and the result us this mega issue of more depression. It’s not as easy as “suck it up” and be tough as I hear often. It’s about creating a more social society where we can count on our neighbors in times when we find it hard to be tough, build deeper trust by repeatedly being there for our loved ones (“in PERSON!), connecting with nature again, and getting off the computer to do it. It’s largely a developed society thing it seems ( although id need some research to prove it) and isn’t yet a fully global issue, so if we can take some cues from less wired nations and see how they structure their lives I think we should. Not everything needs to be about progress, our human needs are pretty simple 🙂 Right now, those needs just aren’t being met for not just millenials, but older peeps as well. We take a lot of the brunt for this issue, and it’s frustrating for everyone because it’s not that millenials are depressed and worthless but that the issues are coming from all different sources. At the end of the day everybody is going to have to work on this and take the responsibility, not just one generation. That’s what being an adult entails.