Tag:

Therapist

3 Tips to Remember for Your First Therapy Session

by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. 10/13/2024

Seeing a therapist for the first time can be anxiety-provoking. I’m not sure anybody looks forward to it.

Not only do you have to share information about your problem, but also the basics about your life — your family, your background, your relationships and more. With a stranger, no less.

Then, imagine that the first therapist you go to see isn’t the right fit for you. You’re expected to do this all over again — maybe more than twice.

This process isn’t easy, but these three things might help smooth the way a bit.

10/13/2024 10 comments

5 More Reasons Your Therapist Won’t See You Now

by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. 5/30/2023

written by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

5 Reasons Your Therapist Won't See You Now “Sorry, I can’t be your therapist. Here’s a referral to another colleague I trust…”

Some people may take for granted that therapists can pick and choose who they see and under what conditions. Not all therapists will see every patient that walks through their office door. There are a variety of reasons a therapist won’t see you, and most of them have to do with professional ethics.

For instance, most therapists seek to avoid “dual relationships” with you or their other patients. A “dual relationship” is one where the therapist isn’t just your therapist, but may also be a friend, lover, business associate, or some other role in your life. Therapists seek to avoid dual relationships, so if they are already your friend, business associate, or whatnot, they will refuse to become your therapist as well (this also works in reverse — your therapist should never offer to become your friend, lover, business associate, etc).

Although this may feel like rejection, you shouldn’t take it personally. Therapists will often avoid seeing certain people for these reasons to ensure the patient is treated with proper respect and dignity. Here are five reasons why your therapist won’t see you now…

5/30/2023 36 comments

5 Things Not to Worry About in Therapy

by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. 3/15/2023

written by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

5 Things Not to Worry About in Therapy Psychotherapy is full of both extraordinary potential benefits and some possible pitfalls. We’ve discussed some of those things in past entries. But there are some things in psychotherapy that you just shouldn’t spend too much time worrying about. They may seem important or worth worrying about, but it’s just a waste of your time, energy and focus. Here’s a few of them.

1. My therapist is judging me.

A lot of patients spend a lot of time worrying about what their therapist must think of them. That’s because you spend a lot of time sharing deep, emotional and personal stuff in therapy. Some of it may be embarrassing, or some of it may simply be out of the mainstream. Some of it may be things that happened to you as a child, that you had no control of. No matter what it is, you shouldn’t worry that your therapist is judging you. Believe it or not, most psychotherapists have seen and heard a lot of things in their careers. No matter what your story may be, it’s likely they’ve heard or seen worse.

One of the responsibilities and skills of a good therapist is to remain nonjudgmental, no matter their own personal reactions or feelings. Therapists who act or talk in a judgmental manner should be avoided.

2. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say or talk about.

You’re not alone. Virtually anyone who’s tried therapy has experienced a session where they feel hard pressed to come up with a topic to discuss. Some people — and some therapists — try and fill the void with small talk, or socializing. While this is fine if it happens on occasion, it should never be the focus of an entire session (or any significant portion of a session).

Silence is okay. Silence may be awkward at first, but it’s okay. While not every session should be full of many minutes of passing silence, it’s okay to sit quietly while you try and compose your thoughts. It’s also okay to not know what to talk about every session. That’s a normal and natural part of most psychotherapy. A good therapist will help you through this part, and in any case, it’s not something that should cause you much concern.

3. I’m not interesting enough — my therapist must be bored!

You don’t enter psychotherapy to entertain your therapist. While some people may believe they should have “interesting” things to talk about every session, that’s just not a realistic expectation — nor one that your therapist holds. You are there to get help for a specific mental health or relationship problem. Sometimes the conversations you’ll need to engage in to resolve that problem may not be very interesting. But they are all important, and you should recognize that “entertainment value” is not usually high on the list of the reasons psychotherapists enter the profession.

4. Should I know how this works? Should I feel the changes as they take place?

Psychotherapy is not like medications. You take an aspirin for a headache and the headache goes away. You go to a session of psychotherapy and you don’t immediately feel your pain relieved, your depression disappear, or your anxiety take a hike. Psychotherapy takes longer, and sometimes it’s hard to be patient, week after week of sessions.

You won’t know exactly how therapy works or when the changes will take place, as they will take place gradually, often in subtle ways. You may not feel them the same way you feel relief from a headache. You shouldn’t worry too much about this, as the process simply takes time and patience.

5. My therapist watches the clock.

Your therapist wears many hats, and one of those is as a small business person. Their commodity is time, and you’re paying for a portion of that commodity. Your therapist may indeed check the clock once in awhile because it’s in their best interests to do so and end your session on time. But surprisingly, it’s also in your best interests, too. By keeping your sessions on schedule, your therapist is also demonstrating and keeping good boundaries. The ability to keep good therapeutic boundaries is one of the indicators of a good therapist — someone who’s more likely able to help you.

So don’t be too concerned or worried if you catch your therapist glancing at the clock. It may be a little distracting, but it doesn’t mean your therapist cares any less about you. They’re just keeping the relationship professional and focused.

3/15/2023 18 comments

Can I Give My Therapist a Gift?

by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. 8/6/2022

written by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

A commonly-asked question at this time of the year is, “Can I give my therapist a Christmas or holiday gift? What about just a card?”

The answer varies from therapist to therapist and from doctor to doctor.

Generally therapists seek to keep the relationship between a client and themselves a professional one, despite the emotional material often discussed in psychotherapy. The more the line blurs between “professional therapist” and “paid friend,” the more complicated the relationship becomes. So most therapists will seek to keep that line — what they call a boundary — clear and well-understood by both parties.

Some therapists will talk about the subject proactively, letting each client know ahead of time what their policy is regarding presents and cards. Since presents often denote greater meaning than a card, a therapist will most often be reluctant to receive a gift from an active client. In some professions, such as psychology, such gifts are actively discouraged, not because they are not well-intended but because they blur the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship.

Other therapists will not think to talk about the topic, especially with older clients they may have seen longer than a year. If you’re uncertain whether your therapist or psychiatrist is open or able to receive gifts from their clients, simply ask — “Hey doc, do you accept Christmas presents from your clients?” Your therapist will think nothing of the question, and more likely than not will answer you in a direct and thoughtful manner.

If your therapist or doctor accepts gifts, you should keep the gift inexpensive (under $20) and oriented toward something specific you know about the therapist they may appreciate. For instance, if your doc likes to fish, a fancy new fishing lure might be appropriate. A gift card to a favorite local eating place is fine. Stay away from jewelry or gifts with special meaning (to either you or the therapist). The best gifts reflect the tastes of the receiver, not the giver.

If your therapist does not accept gifts (and most do not), you can also consider giving a holiday card if you’re so inclined. Again, you should check with your therapist first, as many won’t accept a card from their clients either. But because cards are exchanged even amongst professional colleagues, some therapists may be more accepting of receiving a card.

Gift-giving or card-giving to your therapist is likely to be a one-way street. Very few therapists exchange gifts with their patients, or give out cards to each client. If you’re likely to be upset by the fact that the gift or card is not reciprocated (or appreciated in a specific preconceived manner), you should probably forgo the gift- or card-giving in the first place. And even though this article is focused on holiday gift-giving, it also applies to birthdays (yours and your therapist’s).

Don’t be disappointed if your therapist nixes gift-giving this holiday season. Such a tradition is one that is usually best shared with close friends and family. While it’s easy to think of our therapists as falling into one of those two groups, the therapeutic relationship is really a professional one—just one that happens to discuss very personal and emotionally important topics.

8/6/2022 43 comments