I Am Bipolar and Have Been Using Cocaine Every Day for 2 Months

Someone needs to know the truth. Anybody at this point.
I am in desperate need of help and guidance. I am struggling with addiction in a major way.
In turn, I have not kept track of my bipolar at all and at this point don’t even know where I am
at emotionally. Physically I am ill. I have flu. I vomit. I barely eat. I sometimes don’t know how I am surviving. But I am afraid. I am very afraid. If this goes on it might be too late before I even realize it and I do not want this to happen. I have been using cocaine almost on a daily basis for 2 months. (I relapsed)

I do not speak to my therapist or psychiatrist because all they suggest does not work for me.
My psychiatrist says I am intellectualizing but I don’t know how to explain– the system of the 12 step agenda is not me. It does not work for me. I don’t say this out of hate but out of experience. It depresses me.

I am desperate to stay clean but I need to find a way that works for me or I will never stay clean.
with that said right now I just need help.

I don’t speak to my therapist or psychiatrist because of trust issues regarding them telling my parents when I am 39 years old. I want to speak to them openly and honestly but I want them to respect the oath or ethical rule of “what is said in here stays in here” I would find it so much easier to be open and honest and perhaps get some real help form them in being honest with them.

I am desperate to be honest.

please advise, because I am at a loss and I am tired of this spiral. I am scared I end up dead (be it a heart attack, a stroke or suicide.) (From South Africa)

Thank you for being so brave in opening up about your needs in recovery. If you are 100 percent certain that the therapists are telling others about your condition find someone new, explain the situation and start with a person you can build trust with. But you must be 100 percent certain they are breaching your confidentiality — not merely a suspicion. I am saying this because unless you have proof and the breach of confidentiality wasn’t because they feared you would hurt yourself or others, then you must talk to them about revising, enhancing, or completely changing the plan for your recovery.

Secondly, consider a residential treatment facility. If you are feeling this depleted then a residential treatment might be needed to break the cycle of addiction.

Finally, look for a group therapy format outside of twelve-step that helps individuals get and stay clean. These are typically outpatient facilities that are community-based and use group therapy to help keep people accountable.

Until these changes in your approach to therapy kick in, you may want to visit our forums to continue getting ideas and support.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan